


A Sweeter Place

by Halos_Boat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Group Therapy, Happy Ending, Harry and Louis both lose their partners, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Older Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Smut, Some angst, mostly fluff tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 50,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25281235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halos_Boat/pseuds/Halos_Boat
Summary: Harry doesn't think he has it in him to find love again, at least, not until he meets a man at his support group that just might change his mind.The prompt was: Older (like 50+ ideally) H & L are both recent widowers who meet in a grief support group. They both think it's too late for them to find love again until they develop a strong friendship that quickly becomes more.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s), Louis Tomlinson/Original Male Character(s), Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 75
Kudos: 299
Collections: Bottom Harry Fic Fest





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you guys enjoy this fic. It was admittedly challenging to write for many different reasons but I love how it turned out :) I hope you guys do too. And I hope I did justice to whoever submitted this prompt!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :)

It was rainy outside which wasn't anything new for London weather. Part of Harry loved it; maybe it was because he was used to it so there was a sense of comfort in the booming thunder and pitter patter of the rain drops against his car window.

He sighed, turning the ignition off with the twist of a key and pulling it out. It wasn't that he didn't find the sessions helpful, it was just that after every one of them, he ended up feeling emotionally and mentally drained.

Which apparently wasn't a bad thing, according to his daughter that is. It meant that he was getting things off of his chest that have been there for too long.

It had only been five months since Dylan had passed after all. He hadn't realised how much he needed to talk about it until joining the group. Which resulted in a very messy and snotty first session, leaving him red-faced and embarrassed.

It didn't matter to him anyways. He hadn't come here to make friends or anything--- not really, at least. The people were nice enough, so was Julia, the therapist, but he truthfully just wasn't up for it.

His daughters still tried to push him to make friends though.

_You'll get lonely, dad,_ they said.

He mentally scoffed at that. He wouldn't get lonely. He was too old for that shit. Harry was more than okay on his own now. He'd lived enough of his life with his wonderful children and the love of his life by his side, he didn't need to worry about something as trivial as loneliness. He wasn't twenty-one anymore, worrying about what he was going to do with his life next, who he was going to marry, when he'd get a stable job, family etc.

All of that had already happened. And he was happy, he was. Now, even if he was only forty-six, he'd already lived his life and he was at peace with that.

"Good day, Harry," Julia greeted him as soon as he entered the room. He was late.

"Hi," he greeted with a sheepish smile, eyes immediately averting to the tiled floors, trying to ignore everyone else's lingering stares as he walked to his seat.

The metal of chair scraped against the tiles, making a horrible squeak when he pulled it out. He ignored that too, sitting down and passing a pursed smiled to Julia.

Julia smiled back. "So, Harry, we were just introducing some of the new people that have joined us today."

Harry nodded, again trying to avoid other people's stares. Though he did catch two new faces. Only a glimpse. Until one of them started talking; their voice as sweet as honey and that sexy kind of rasp that made him squirm a bit.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Louis."

"Hello, Louis," everyone greeted back along with Harry.

His gaze was stuck on the man opposite him, eyes a sparkling blue and hair a dazzling grey. Harry envied how much he suited the grey hair look. The stranger had high, sharp cheekbones and long eyelashes over hooded eyes, thin but full lips and delicate hands that were folded over his lap.

"My husband passed away a few months ago from cancer," he continued, then Harry's heart clenched. He felt for him.

Even though Dylan's passing wasn't in the same way, the agonising suffering still felt the same; just waiting until the day he knew he had to let go because Dylan wasn't really there anymore.

"I would have come sooner but, well, aside from the fact that I'm a stubborn git," he laughed a bit, "I just don't think I was ready to."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Louis," Julia said, "and it's okay to take your time. Time is an important thing especially when dealing with grief. It isn't easy at all and we're all proud of you for taking such a big step today. We welcome you with opened arms."

"Thank you," Louis smiled, tight-lipped but it didn't seem ingenuine, just... uncomfortable, maybe? Harry could relate to that too.

"Would anybody else like to share? How about you, Harry?" She asked with an encouraging smile.

"Um," Harry flushed under the attention. Unwanted attention. "I emptied out Dylan's cupboards on Sunday," he said, letting out a shaky breath, "it's weird... you don't realise how much of memories something as small as a sock can carry until, well..."

"It's very brave of you to take that step, Harry," Julia said, "did you get rid of everything?"

"I, um," he looked down at his intertwined hands on his lap, thumbs twiddling, "I emptied out most of it and donated some to charity but... I kept a few things too," he said quietly, almost shamefully.

"That's okay, Harry. One step at a time, yes?" Julia grinned at him.

Harry nodded.

"How about you, Deena?" Julia turned to the raven-haired girl on her left.

Deena went on to talk about how she managed to not wake up crying the past few days and how happy she'd started to get about little things again.

Harry remembered when he was at that stage. Every morning he'd dreaded waking up, only to find Dylan's side of the bed empty, the sun seeping softly through the white curtains and onto his pillow, almost mocking him. It was hard not to cry back then. And dammit if he wasn't proud of himself for getting where he is now. He'd come a long way and he had faith Deena would get there soon too.

After the session, Harry helped Julia stack the chairs then went to the table with snacks, immediately reaching for the mini apple crumbles. Tom, a fellow support member, always brought them and Harry found that they were the best he'd ever tasted. Even better than his mother-in-law's. Though he would never tell her that.

"Hey," came a voice from behind him, startling him. The piece of the small pie that was in his mouth almost fell out when he turned around and found the man with the stunning grey hair and blue eyes from earlier, looking at him with an amused smile.

"Hello," Harry said back, mouth still a little full. He chastised himself for that.

"Sorry to startle you. Harry, right?"

"Hm, yeah," Harry dusted his left hand on his trousers before extending it out to him.

"I'm Louis," he said, accepting the handshake.

Hm. Firm grip.

"Nice to meet you, Louis," Harry said.

"You too. I, uh, hope you don't mind me coming up and talking to you like this," Louis said, sounding a little nervous.

Harry gave him a reassuring smile. "It's okay, really. I'm glad you did because I don't really go up to people so," he shrugged.

"Not a people person?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Not really, no. The only reason I had the guts to even come and try this was because of my daughters," he admitted.

"Ah. Well, same here, actually. Thanks to my daughter and my son," Louis said, pushing his hands into his pockets and smiling.

"How was it then?" Harry asked, placing the last bit of his pie on an empty plate on the table and waiting for Louis to answer.

"Not bad," Louis shrugged, "I think I'll come back."

Harry grinned. "I'm really glad then. And, uh, I understood what you meant when you said that it took time to come here. I'd only started coming four months after my husband had passed."

"Really? Why did you wait? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"I don't, it's all right. Well, I just wasn't ready, I guess, like you said. My daughters had to convince me after that and I'm glad that I did."

"Wow, well it's great to know I'm not alone in that. I guess that's why people come to these then, huh?"

"Yeah," Harry agreed, leaning against the table behind him, "it can be difficult though."

"Difficult?"

"Being honest and opened is always difficult, I think. And when it's with people you don't know, you don't know which of them is judging you either. It's something that's always bothered me but I'm getting used to it slowly."

"I think I'm too old to care about what other people think, honestly speaking," Louis said.

"How old are you?" Harry asked curiously.

"Forty-nine," he revealed, stunning Harry.

Harry didn't think he was forty-nine, even though he did have grey hair. He looked to be in his early forties _at least_.

"No ways," Harry said, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Why? Do I look older?"

"The opposite actually."

"What gave it away? My grey hair?" He asked with a smirk.

"Just because you have grey hair, doesn't mean you're old," Harry said, rolling his eyes a bit.

"Speaking about yourself, are you?"

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. Cheeky. Charming. Interesting. "How old do you think I am?"

"I would say..." he trailed off, staring at Harry, eyes squinted, "mid thirties maybe?"

Harry snorted, rolling his eyes. "You're lying."

"I'm not," Louis raised his hands up, "you look like you're in your mid thirties."

"Well, I'm flattered but I'm not. I'm forty-six," Harry confessed, a little heat spread to his cheeks.

"Wow, colour me impressed," Louis said, jutting out his bottom lip.

"Harry," Julia called. Harry straightened, raising an eyebrow at her. "We're locking up."

"Oh," Harry turned to Louis, "it was nice to meet you, Louis. I hope to see you at next week's session."

"Yeah, you too, Harry," Louis said with a warm smile. Harry noticed the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

He left the session feeling a little lighter than usual. Maybe he could make some friends after all.

*

"Mum, you really didn't need to come all the way here," Harry said with a sigh, watching her chop up some carrots.

"Nonsense, sweetie. I'm very capable of driving in my old age still and my son hasn't visited me in a while so I took things in my own hands," she smiled sweetly at him. Too sweetly.

"I'm sorry," Harry apologised, and he meant it, "I've kind of being figuring things out on my own, you know?"

"Oh, I know, I know. You've always needed your space even when you were a little boy," she smiled at him, reaching up with her clean hand to pinch his cheek.

"Thanks, mum," Harry rubbed over his cheek, the skin hot to the touch.

"You know, I remember when you lost those orange socks of yours when you were six; the ones with the little bumblebees on 'em, do you remember?"

"Uh, vaguely?" Harry pinched his brows together in thought. He couldn't remember what he ate this morning, truthfully.

"You shut me out for a week," she laughed, placing the chopped up carrots into a bowl, "you only came out of your room to have my mac 'n cheese."

"Right," Harry laughed softly, pulling out two mugs from the cupboard. He remembered feeling happy, eating mac 'n cheese after what he thought was the roughest week of his life. Oh, if only he knew what future him would go through.

"Mac 'n cheese has always been your comfort food," she continues, placing the carrots into a heated pan along with some celery.

"That and brownies," Harry hummed, pouring hot water into the mugs, "but only yours."

"Or Dylan's," she smiled softly, then peered at him from over the top of her glasses, "right?"

Harry smiled sadly down at his tea. Dylan did make pretty good brownies. His secret ingredient was dates which his mother never used but hers were always just as good anyways.

"His were good but they got nothing on yours mum," Harry said, kissing her cheek too for good measure.

"Hmm, is this you buttering me up to make you some too?" She asked.

"Maybe," Harry grinned, "I can help you."

She stared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Get out the ingridients then, come on."

Harry cheered. He passed her her tea and took his own while he scouted for the ingredients to make brownies. His mum's brownies.

He was full about an hour later. After a hearty helping of mac 'n cheese and hot brownies and ice cream, he was sure he fell into a food coma by now. He laughed at that in his head, only smiling a bit on the outside.

"Happy?" Anne asked.

"Extremely," Harry grinned again, "you still didn't have to come all the way here, mum."

"I told you why I did," she said, folding her hands over the table.

"Hm, and what else? Aside from feeding me until I can't move anymore?" Harry asked, knowing there were ulterior motives.

"Just wanted to check up on how you were doing, love," she said, "how's therapy going?"

"Good, actually," he replied honestly, "I feel... better, I suppose."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I like going. I may have even made a friend," Harry smiled, thinking about Louis.

"You?" She asked, eyes bulging dramatically.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, me. But I've only met him three times now. Who knows if we're friends or not."

"Well, do you remember what I told you when you went to your first year of school?"

"Mum, we've established that I don't remember much."

"Right, well," she started with an amused smile, "I told you that you make friends by---"

"Sharing," Harry finished, lips twisting into a side-smile.

"Exactly," she said, "so share then."

"Share what?" He asked with a snort. "My crackers?"

"Well, you have some extra brownies," she glanced at the tray in front of her, "and you're going in tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Go share your brownies," she said.

Harry laughed. Fine. He'd do just that then. He'd share his brownies.

*

It's kind of ridiculous, the way he waited by the table of snacks in what he assumed was a subtle manner, just to gauge people's reactions to tasting the brownies. It was utterly ridiculous because it wasn't like he'd even made them in the first place. Unless mixing the dry ingredients counted for something.

The good news was that everyone seemed to like it, judging by their approving hums and coming back for second rounds, Harry took it as a good sign.

The bad news was that Louis hadn't come in today. Just when he'd decided that maybe he should try and make a friend, Louis didn't come in. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe he was just being ridiculous about this whole thing.

So, he packed up his container that had only about five pieces left and walked out the building, making sure his coat was on and tied tightly before he did so. Just as he approached his car, he spotted Louis' figure running up to the building.

Harry frowned, confused. "Louis?" He asked quietly, then, again but louder, "Louis!"

Louis searched until his eyes landed on Harry. He smiled for a moment before his expression turned perplexed. He probably noticed that Harry was getting into the car whereas it seemed like Louis was only now going into the building.

Wordlessly, Louis jogged to Harry. "Hello," he greeted, letting out a breath, "are you leaving?"

"Hi, um, yes?" Harry answered, eyes searching Louis'. "You're just arriving," he said, smirking.

Louis' face fell. "Don't tell me I'm late," he said.

Harry pursed his lips together to hold back a laugh. "We started an hour ago, Louis."

"What? I thought today's session was at five," he sighed, wiping a hand over his face, "I'm guessing it isn't."

"Sorry, we had it at four like every other week," Harry said, taking a bit of pity on him.

"Great," Louis huffed, "well, now I look like a geyser, don't I?"

"Just a little bit," Harry chortled, "it's okay though, it happens."

"My old age is showing," Louis snorted, shaking his head, "sorry I missed you today."

"It's okay, you caught me now, at least," Harry said. Still, Louis looked like he was giving himself a hard time.

"Yeah, guess I did."

"And you missed out on some killer brownies today too," Harry said, holding up the near-empty container.

"Ah, brownies are my favourite," Louis pouted. He actually pouted. Jesus.

"Well, there's some left if you wanna have?" Harry offered, raising an eyebrow.

"Er, are you sure? Just out here in the opened?" Louis asked with a short laugh.

"Well, um, we could walk to a café nearby, if you'd like."

"Uh, yeah, sure. Okay," Louis shrugged, "why the hell not?"

"Okay, let's go the a cafe to eat something not made by them at all then," Harry quipped, gesturing in front of him, "shall we?"

"We shall," Louis smiled. They both walked to _Blooms_ , a café Harry became familiar with during the past few years he'd moved into the neighbourhood. Their hot chocolates were to-die-for. Dylan and Harry used to go to _Blooms_ almost every second day during the winter months with their red noses and numb cheeks, loving the way the sweet liquid warmed them up.

He missed their hot chocolate. He should probably try to have some again some time soon. Winter would be arriving in just a few weeks time. Or maybe he could start now. Why not?

"Oh, I know this place," Louis said with a small, excited gasp, "they make a killer hot chocolate."

Harry widened his eyes, blinking once then twice. Did he---

"You've tasted it?"

"Yeah, my son came in with a friend back when he was in school and ever since then he raved about it so I eventually tried it and I really wasn't disappointed. Have you?"

"I have," Harry said, smiling, "my husband and I used to come here during winter to have their hot chocolate."

"That's sweet," Louis said, "my husband hated hot chocolate."

"What?" Harry gasped. "Who hates hot chocolate?"

"Daniel, apparently," Louis laughed, "he just hated anything with chocolate."

Harry gaped at him. "Wow, I don't think I've ever known someone who doesn't like chocolate."

"That's Daniel for you," Louis sighed, still sounding fond, "was almost a deal breaker when we first went out, not going to lie."

"I can imagine," Harry laughed, "uh, do you want to get a table?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. You lead the way."

Harry got a table for them at the window, which was normally his go-to whenever he came here. There was just something liberating about watching the outside world carry on while he took a moment to pause. He couldn't explain it, honestly. It was just something he'd felt.

"Are we at least going to order something to drink?" Louis asked, grinning crookedly.

"Maybe we should," Harry bit his lip, "how about the hot chocolate?"

"Sold," Louis sniffed then opened up his arms, wiggling his fingers, "now come on, let's taste these brownies of yours, give you your score."

"Oh, you're scoring me now?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow, amused.

"It's only fair since I technically make the best brownies in town and as you know, this town ain't big enough for the two of us," he sighed dramatically.

Harry shook his head. Louis really was perculiar.

"That's a big claim to make, you know?" Harry hummed, opening up the container.

"Hardly so when literally every person I've ever met has told me that," Louis replied with a cocky smirk.

Harry rolled his eyes. "All right, fine then. Here," he grabbed one and handed it to Louis, "prepare to be wrong."

Louis hummed, narrowing his eyes at Harry before biting into the brownie. He chewed thoughtfully, nodding in approval once he swallowed.

"Not bad at all," he concluded, "I really like it."

"Ha, see! I told you so," Harry replied proudly, "admit that they're probably better than yours."

"Nope. Still going to be the proud holder of that title," Louis sais stubbornly, finishing the brownie off.

It reminded Harry of Dylan in a fucked up way. Or maybe not a very fucked up way, just a way. His reaction had been similar when Harry admitted that his brownies were better than his mum's. He boasted about it for months. Harry was sure he was going to make an apron or mug of it at one stage.

"Er, are you okay, Harry?" Louis asked, eyebrows pinched in concern, studying Harrys features.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry cleared his throat and shook his head, "I just... um, thought of Dylan."

"Oh?" Louis promoted gently.

"Yeah, honestly speaking, his brownies were the best I've ever had."

Louis arched a brow. "Like, literally speaking or...?"

"God," Harry huffed out a laugh, "I mean, both maybe? But I meant it literally in this case. And when I told him that, it really got to his head."

"Aye, good lad. He should have worn it proudly," Louis said.

"If you say so," Harry rolled his eyes, "it got annoying after a bit but looking back now, it's funny how I'd give anything to get those moments back, you know?"

Even the fighting, the yelling or occasionally throwing things (nothing major of course), as bad as it had gotten at one stage, Harry would do anything right now to get that back. Any moment spent with him was never a moment wasted.

"I know what you mean," Louis confessed in a small voice, "like Dani and I, we had our rows, you know? But I would do anything just to get a moment back with him, even the bad ones."

"Yeah, I know exactly how you feel," Harry nodded enthusiastically, "and I feel the same way."

It was kind of nice to have someone that thought and felt the same way he did. For a while, Harry was sure that no one could really relate to anything he'd felt. Sure, there were moments in the support group where people could relate to him and maybe there were some where he could relate to their experiences but some of the feelings he'd kept to himself--- the deeper ones --- he was sure he would never have anyone who would understand them.

So, it was just nice to have someone that actually did.

"You do?" Louis asked, looking pleasantly surprised, "it kind of sounds crazy in my head because it's basically admitting that you'd prefer to be in a fight with him rather than not be with him. It doesn't sound right, does it?"

"Maybe to people that haven't dealt with losing a partner or loved one, yeah. But I have so I understand what you're going through," he said sincerely.

"Wow, thanks, Harry. I guess going to a grief support group really did help more than I realise. Damn it, gonna have to admit to my kids that I was wrong," he huffed.

Harry giggled. Jesus, when last did he giggle?

"Have trouble admitting you're wrong, do you?"

"Come on, Harry. Let's face it, no one likes admitting to their kids that they're wrong, do they?"

He had a point, but-

"I actually have no problem doing so," Harry said with a puffed chest, "dunno why other parents do, honestly."

"Oh, is that so?" Louis raised a brow, giving him a pointed look. "I can guarantee you no parent does so I'm calling bullshit--- you're lying."

"I'm not," Harry squawked, offended.

Louis gave him an unimpressed look.

Harry sighed, deflating. "Okay, fine, I don't like it."

_"Ha_ , knew it," Louis slapped the table.

"Yes, yes, you've proved your point. Happy now? Can we order our drinks?"

Louis smirked. "I'm happy, let's go ahead."

Harry snorted, shaking his head before getting a waiter's attention. They ordered their hot chocolates, getting them no more than ten minutes later with the little marshmallows on top and chocolate flakes over the cream.

Harry watched in horror as Louis removed the marshmallows one by one with a grimace on his face, placing them onto the side of the plate his mug had come in.

"Don't tell me you don't like marshmallows," Harry almost gasped.

The marshmallows were his and Dylan's favourite part. The gooey goodness that melted into the chocolate making it sweeter, it was a match made in heaven, really.

"Hate them marshmallows," Louis said, still grimacing while he wiped his sticky fingers on the serviette from the table.

"How can you hate marshmallows? That's, like, a crime," Harry said, still in shock.

"I don't like the texture of it. Same reason why I don't like avocados," he revealed.

Harry was sure he was gaping then. This man didn't like marshmallows or avocados? How were they ever meant to continue this blooming friendship?

"Louis, I'm afraid we're going to have to stop seeing each other," he sighed.

Louis' frowned before a smile spread across his face. "Jesus, don't tell me your friends like _everything_ you do."

"They do," Harry shrugged, only realising it then, "Dylan did too."

"Then they're probably lying to you," Louis declared, stirring his drink.

"Why is it so hard to believe? What would they gain by lying to me?" Harry asked, amused.

"Sometimes, people are too afraid to disagree with people they care about. Disagreements means you differ from the person in ways and that can scare people, knowing they might be too different to hang out with this person they care about... if that makes sense. Sorry, chocolate makes me delirious sometimes," he ended with a short laugh.

Harry had to admit that he had a point. During the first few months of Dylan and Harry's relationship, Harry was hesitant to say something that contradicted Dylan or even have a different opinion because, well, Harry really liked him and he didn't want to think about the possibility of losing him over something as stupid as the best Batman movie. Harry had seen relationships end over less. A bar of soap once.

Of course as they grew more comfortable with each other, they had no problem stating their own opinions, even if it would hurt the other because honesty was important to them. You didn't have a relationship if there was no honesty. But Dylan did agree with majority of what Harry said or thought, if not everything. He'd always thought that that was the reason why they'd worked so well.

So Harry could only hope that his friends didn't agree with things he would say just for the sake of it. He made a mental note to ring up Zayn and Liam later on to question them about it.

"Thought-provoking, innit?" Louis asked with a twitch of his lips.

"Something like that," he said, then bit back an amused grin.

"What?" Louis asked, confused.

"You... have a little something," Harry giggled softly (again, what the fuck?), gesturing to the area around his mouth.

Louis' eyes widened, catching on. He grabbed the tissue, wiping his mustache area over the growing stubble, a slight blush developing on his cheeks.

Harry laughed quietly into his own cup, making sure the cream didn't touch his upper lip.

"Yes, all right. Let's laugh at how I eat and drink like a five-year-old," he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't even say anything," Harry feigned a serious expression but ultimately failed to hold it for long before he laughed again.

"Sorry, I just don't know when last I saw someone get a milk mustache. I think the last time I saw that was with Tia, my youngest daughter. Eight years ago, I think?"

"Jesus, embarass me more, why don't you?" Louis grumbled, the pink from his cheeks spreading to his ears.

"Sorry," Harry apologised, a touch genuine but also still amused, "it's okay though, I'm a clutz, if that makes you feel any better; drop things on myself or sometimes other people all the time."

"That kind of does make me feel better actually, thanks," Louis nodded, sipping his drink again, this time keeping a distance between the cream from the cup and the top of his lips. It was ridiculous to watch, honestly. He was almost fifty but Harry found himself smiling anyways. He couldn't remember when last he'd smiled so much, truthfully.

*

Dealing with difficult clients had become part of his routine by now, doing what he does for over twenty years. But each time, some of them still take him by surprise. It was like they just got worse and worse over the years.

"I asked for eggshell and this is not eggshell. This is cream," the lady, Tracey, hissed at him, eyes glaring.

"I assure you, after years of doing this, that colour is eggshell, not cream," Harry said, trying his best not to sound exhausted by this.

"Just because you're older, doesn't mean you know better," she fought back, "don't undermine us."

"I'm not---" Harry sighed, taking a breath, "look, how about we change the colour entirely? Instead of using eggshell and silver, we can use ivory, maybe?"

"No, I want a _totally_ different colour scheme now," she huffed, leaning back on her chair, running a hand through her hair, "coral, _white_ and silver and I want the samples emailed to either me or Frank by Friday," she said, getting up from her seat and gathering her files. She didn't even say goodbye before sauntering away.

Frank, her partner, let out a sigh before getting up to. "Will be expecting those emails from you soon, Mr. Styles," he said, before straightening out his grey blazer and walking away too, following his wife.

Harry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. As much as he loved his job, he hated this part of it. Now he had to scrap over a month's worth of work because she couldn't admit to being wrong. He had to start all over again. Fuck.

He had his work cut out for him now. Between Tracey's thirtieth birthday, Ally and Diana's fifteen year annivesary and Lydia's dad's sixtieth, he wasn't sure how he was going to handle all of it.

Starting _Fabulous Parties_ years ago by himself seemed like the best thing to do and now, he couldn't remember why he thought so in the first place. Of course, back then, he didn't think about the possibility of doing all of it by himself.

Dylan helped him out a lot, even though he had a totally different job and Celia, his eldest, worked for him for about two years when she'd started uni before getting a job somewhere else. Now, it was truly just him by himself.

He packed up his things and made his way back to his car parked outside. He loaded the items onto the passenger seat before starting it up and heading back home. Home, where he could maybe light a few scented candles and take a nice, long soak with some lavender salts to relieve the tension sitting in his spine.

Of course his fantasy hadn't lasted too long because not even ten minutes after he'd come home, there was a loud ring from his phone.

He groaned, shrugging his shirt off to grab a less formal one. All he wanted to do was take off his clothes and have a relaxing bath.

Luckily, it wasn't any one of his clients or his daughters (bless them, he loved them but they were overbearing sometimes), it was Louis.

Harry spent at least ten seconds, staring at his phone. They'd exchanged numbers a few weeks ago after their day at _Blooms_ and texted back and forth. Harry would go as far as to say that they were friends now. They'd talk everyday, about the weirdest and silliest of things. It was nice to have that sort of relationship with someone. Something he hadn't had with someone for a long time now.

"Louis?" Harry answered, still sounding confused.

He'd never called before. They'd never crossed that line, maybe because for Harry personally, he was comfortable with just the texts. Maybe Louis felt like he wanted to change that.

Okay. Fine. Cool. That was... fine?

"Hey, Harry," he greeted, "I know this is weird," he laughed nervously, "but I kind of dialled you by accident."

"You what?" Harry laughed, letting out a snort then covered his mouth.

"So, this is embarrassing but, um, I was trying to look at your profile picture and then my phone kind of froze," he sighed, "so then I started pressing everything on the screen and one of those things happened to be the dial button."

Harry grinned, laying down on his bed. "You were trying to look at my profile picture?"

Harry wasn't sure what to think about that. It wasn't like he didn't look at people's profiles himself it's just, there was always something that spurred it on. Like, if he'd noticed someone's picture had changed or something caught his eye then he'd dive further.

Harry wondered what made Louis want to do that. After all, his picture had been the same since he gave Louis his phone number.

"Yeah," Louis confessed, sighing, "do I sound like a creep?"

"Only a little bit," Harry grinned, "I'm curious as to what made you want to look at it."

It wasn't all that, in Harry's opinion. Just a picture of him in a hall surrounded by decor for a party he'd planned, maybe a month ago, a few days before he'd met Louis actually.

It was a fiftieth for a lovely woman who wanted a 'glitz and glam' theme and of course Harry took that to his advantage and dressed up in his pink glitter suit that he hadn't worn in years, and took a picture in the hall 'cause it matched the theme. He just had to do it.

Plus, he was glad his suit still fitted him so he had to show it off.

"I was drawn to the... glitter, you could say."

"My decor?" Harry asked excitedly. He was always proud of his work and when other people liked it, it got him even more excited.

"Uh, sure," Louis replied, "lots of glitter."

"The lady I did the birthday for wanted that," Harry explained, "it's not... is it too much?"

"No, the opposite," Louis said quickly, "I love it. It looks... great. Wonderful, I would say."

"Thank you," Harry beamed, "that actually means a lot to me, especially today," he huffed, rolling his eyes.

Tracey. Frickin' Tracey and her wuss of her husband, Frank.

"Oh? What happened?" Louis asked curiously.

"I have this client, who's planning her thirtieth and god, I hate being mean to people, but she's a _heathen_. I swear to god, she just wants to make my life more difficult."

"What did she do?" Louis asked with a small laugh.

So Harry told him. He ranted to him about the whole thing, not even realising how long he'd been talking until he caught sight of the clock on the wall.

"Oh my god, I've been talking to you, complaining for like half an hour," Harry gasped.

"Really?" Louis sounded surprised, "I didn't even realise, you're a really good story teller."

"Yeah, it's kind of my speciality. I used to read to my kids all the time when they were little," Harry revealed.

"Oh, I was never one for reading stories. I'd always act them out for the twins," Louis said. Harry could hear the smile in his voice.

"You didn't tell me they're twins," Harry said softly, "how old are they now?"

"Yeah, they're identical twins. Um, they're twenty-three now. My son works with me at the shop and my daughter is studying still."

Harry was excited to learn new information about Louis. He hadn't realised it before but he was always the one revealing things about himself, which left Louis to be somewhat of an enigma to him.

"You have a shop?" Harry asked, prying a little, curiosity getting the best of him.

"Yeah, I'm a mechanic and I run a shop with my son. Called _Tomlinson's_ ," he chuckled, "none of us are very creative, I'm afraid."

"No, no, it has a nice ring to it," Harry assured him, "sounds... fancy."

Huh. A mechanic. It suited him, Harry thought.

"Thanks. Yours, you've mentioned the name but I forgot. What was it again?"

"Fabulous Parties," Harry said, smiling.

He was actually beginning to notice that Louis was somewhat forgetful but not in an annoying way or anything.

"Right. See, that's a name for a business. I love that. Where were you decades ago when I could have used your help?"

"Oh saying decades makes you sound really old," Harry winced, "you aren't that old."

"Ah, but old nonetheless, right?"

Harry sighed. "You're only as old as you feel, I think."

"Yeah? And how old do you feel?"

"Currently, around seventy, plus the work I have to do will for sure add at least ten years to that now."

"Work?"

"Yeah, I told you about Tracey so now I have to start all over again for her with a different colour scheme and whatnot. Need to get working on that."

"Oh, fun," Louis said, sounding like he was grimacing, "I don't know how you have patience to deal with people like that, honestly. I'd tell them to fuck off."

Harry barked out a laugh. "Honestly, I think I'm pretty close to doing just that."

"Maybe one day you'll snap which would be really interesting to see because I can't imagine you being angry."

"I don't get angry very easily," he confirmed, "I get annoyed easily but hardly angry."

"Well I've got a bit of a temper," Louis said sheepishly, "I don't take people's shit--- not that you do or anything but, um, my son is better with handling clients than I am, honestly."

"I don't find that hard to believe," he said, biting his lip.

Was he... was he teasing? Maybe a little bit. No harm done there.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He squawked, but Harry could tell he wasn't really offended. "Am I not good with people? I've made friends with you, haven't I?"

"Hmm, who said we're friends?" Harry let out a giggle at Louis' affronted huff.

He turned to the side, smelling the rose scent of his pillow.

"Jesus, who knew you were so cheeky? Is it only when you get a little riled up?"

"Depends on the day, I suppose," Harry said, "I don't know why you're complaining you're just as cheeky if not worse."

"Hey now, who said I was complaining?" He laughed softly.

Harry grinned.

"Hey, um, you know, if you need help with the whole party stuff, I don't mind helping. I've been told I have a good eye for colour."

Harry chuckled. "Good eye for colour?" He repeated with a teasing tone.

"Well, yeah. My house is... colourful," he said lamely.

"For some reason, I don't believe that but we'll pretend because I think I could use the company, honestly. Otherwise I'm going to lose my mind," he sighed.

"Lose your mind?" Louis laughed. "A bit dramatic, don't you think?"

"Only a touch," Harry shrugged, "um, are you free right now?"

"Y-yeah," Louis cleared his throat, "do you--- um, do you want me come over now?"

He sounded nervous all of a sudden.

"I mean, uh, if--- if you want to. It's okay if you can't, I just... have a bottle of wine that I'm sure I can't finish by myself not to mention the fact I may need the moral support."

A bottle of wine that he couldn't finish by himself? That was total bullshit. He knew that for sure. It was his favourite wine too, there was no way he would have trouble finishing that, especially after the day he had.

"You know what? I'll be there in a few minutes. You can text me your address, yeah?"

Harry blinked. "Uh, yeah, okay. I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, you'll see me soon," he laughed nervously.

Then they hung up and Harry texted him his address.

Okay. That was weird. They'd gone from only texting, to calling, to Harry inviting Louis over to his place in a matter of just an hour.

Was that a little crazy? Maybe he was just overthinking things. He had a tendency of doing that.

There was nothing odd about it. People invited their friends over to their places all the time, it was no big deal.

Harry suddenly became aware of the fact that he probably looked like shit. He shot up from the bed, heading to his drawers to look for joggers and a pair of better-looking socks before running a hand through his locks, making sure they looked at least somewhat presentable.

It was kind of weird, that part. He wasn't sure when last he worried so much about the way he'd looked for someone else. He just wanted to make a good impression, that was all.

With that in mind, he decided to straighten out some of the things in his flat too; fluffing the cushions and dusting the couch.

He waited on his couch after that, thumb nail in his mouth, chewing harshly while his leg bounced. He was nervous? Why was he nervous?

Then there was a knock on the door and Harry's heart dropped to his ass. God, why was he so nervous? Maybe it was because he hadn't really had guests at his house since Dylan's memorial, aside from Zayn, Liam and his mum. His daughters didn't count.

"Hello," Harry greeted with a small smile, letting Louis in.

"Hi," Louis grinned back, eyes crinkling before stepping in, "nice place," he commented, shrugging his jacket off.

"Thank you," Harry said, "let me hang your jacket."

"Thanks," Louis smiled back, a little terse, handing Harry his jacket. "Smells like essential oils."

"All of them?" Harry snorted.

"Hmm, I don't know many of them but I can smell lavender and... jasmine?"

Harry was surprised that he'd guessed that. That was exactly what it was. He would normally rotate between those two scents and his place basically became a mixture of the two which surprisingly worked well together.

His bedroom was rose scented but that was just for him to know. Well, it was for Dylan too. But now it was purely for Harry.

"I like it. I normally put some of them lavender oils on me pillow before I go to bed since I can't sleep very well," he said, cheeks a little pink. Harry wasn't sure if it was because of the cold outside or because of his confession.

"Does it help?" Harry asked then gestured to the couch for Louis to sit down.

"Sometimes, I think," Louis shrugged, taking a seat. Harry joined him, except he sat on the carpet, on the floor. Louis barked out a surprised laugh. "Why are you sitting on the floor? I won't bite."

"I work better when I'm on the floor," Harry shrugged, "you can sit with me, I just thought it would be rude to tell a guest to sit on the floor."

Louis sighed, looking down at the carpet, like he was contemplating it. "All right, why not? There must be a method to your madness, right?"

Harry laughed softly. "That's what I've been told. Come on, sit. I'll go bring my files and the wine."

"Sounds like a plan," Louis said then moved down to the carpet.

Harry grinned, pushing himself off of the ground and headed to the kitchen to get his files and that wine.

On their second glass of wine, they were both a little bit more relaxed with each other, sitting a little closer, laughing a little louder and Harry's filter was slowly slipping away.

"I mean, it's not like she shoud be lecturing me on colours when she dresses like a clown," he mumbled bitterly, writing down another store he could get the material from.

"Harry," Louis gasped, shocked.

"What? I'm not being mean, per se. She just paired neon orange with neon pink. I mean, it's not 1984 anymore, you know?"

"Were neons really big in the 80s?" Louis asked thoughtfully.

He shrugged then, Harry took a moment to look at him. Really look at him. He really was a good-looking guy. He had sharp features and a great smile, not to mention his blue, _blue_ eyes. Before he'd met Dylan, he'd always had a thing for blue eyes. He'd almost forgotten about that until, well, until now.

"You know, I had a phase where I only wore denim," Louis said, startling Harry out of his staring.

He snorted. "You weren't the only one. That was, what? Early 90s for me?"

"Yeah, me too," Louis grinned, a little lopsided and charming all the same. His lips were drawling out words, red stained from the wine, eyes tired. Something about the way he looked caused heat to pool in Harry's belly. It was something he hadn't felt in ages.

"Sorry?" Harry asked, blinking when he realised Louis was looking at him expectantly.

"Wine getting to you?" Louis smirked.

"Only a little," Harry replied, which wasn't a lie.

"Have you decided on which samples of the colours you're going to send to Trixie?"

"Tracey," Harry amended with a snort.

"Same thing."

Harry laughed, shaking his head.

"I think I'm going to leave the silver we already had but I'm going to go with this coral colour and this white," Harry held up the respective cards to show Louis.

"Go with this white," Louis said after a hum, grabbing the other one from the table, "it looks... whiter, somehow."

"Okay," Harry said after a moment. He wasn't that great on changing his mind once it was made up but maybe Louis had a point.

"Good luck with that," Louis said once Harry placed the cards into his diary.

"Thanks. Believe it or not, they weren't the worst clients I've had."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. After twenty years of doing this, I've had to deal with some horrible people," Harry grimaced, "one person refused to work with me because of the way I dressed."

"What the fuck?" Louis frowned, "why?"

"They said it wasn't professional enough, but I think it was because the husband was homophobic. I mean, back in the day, I used to go all out; bright suits and shirts, painted nails, sometimes even makeup."

Louis' brows raise up to his hairline. "Really? Like what?"

"Nothing hectic. Just some lip stuff and sometimes mascara but nothing else."

"Wow," Louis said, tone impressed, "well, that husband is an arse then and it's their loss. They probably missed out on a great party."

"They did," Harry said confidently, "but it's in the past, now I have to deal with Traceys," he said, wrinkling his nose.

"I've had my fair share of clients like that but like I said, I don't take bullshit. If it weren't for my son and his patience with dealing with people, we would have lost a good few clients."

"You know, I worked with my daughter for a bit and as much as I appreciated her help, I'm glad she stopped because we can really get on each other's nerves, I won't lie. She's very... strong-willed, you could say."

"Stubborn, ey? Your daughter and mine might just get along then," he said, finishing off his wine with a long sip.

"What are your kid's names?" Harry asked, folding his legs underneath his thighs.

"My son's name is Drew and my daughter's name is Mia."

Harry smiled. "My daughter's names are Tia and Celia."

"Tia and Mia," Louis said, amused, "how old are they again?"

"Celia just turned twenty-one and Tia is eighteen, just left for uni."

"Wow, you must miss her being in the house especially after, um, you know..."

"I did for a bit," Harry said truthfully, "but she didn't want to leave at one point and that was when I realised that I was okay with actually being on my own for a bit, I think I need it."

"I get that," Louis said, "I've never been one to have no company. I always surround myself with people but now, after Daniel, I just feel better to be on my own."

"You said, um, you said he passed from cancer, yeah?" Harry asked gently, not wanting to overstep.

"Yeah, stomach cancer. Within two months he was gone," Louis said somberly.

Harry's heart ached for him. "I'm so sorry, Louis. I can't even imagine what that must have been like."

"Well, you kind of can," Louis said quietly, "how did, um, how did you lose Dylan?"

Harry sighed, his hand coming down to the carpet to pick at the threads. "An accident," he said, voice rough, "he was just on his way to work," he laughed humourlessly, "and the next thing I know, someone is giving me a call, telling me my husband is being rushed to hospital with severe injuries to his head."

Harry remembered getting the phonecall, feeling the blood drain from his face and heart leap to his throat. He felt like he was going to faint and if it weren't for Liam being there with him, he probably would have.

They had to wait for almost a week before Dr. Sharma came out of the surgery room, shaking her head and telling Harry she was sorry. He couldn't comprehend much after that. All he knew was that he collpased into a fit of tears, trying desperately to catch his breath because it felt like someone had ripped his lungs and heart right from his chest.

"I'm sorry, Harry. That must have been... wow, that must have been hell," Louis said, his voice filling the air that was suddenly too quiet and eerie.

"It was," Harry sighed again, "but," he shrugged, "it is what it is."

He spotted Louis grinning from the side of his eyes. He looked at him curiously. "What?"

"Nothing, just," Louis then placed his glass down and reached up to unbutton his shirt.

Harry started to panic, for some reason. Was he--- had he taken that as a signal or? What the hell was happening?

His questions were answered, panic settling, when Louis turned to him, showing Harry the tattoo inked across his chest, right underneath his collarbones.

_It is what it is._

"Huh," Harry said, staring at the words swirled across the tanned skin dusted with hair. He swallowed and looked at Louis again.

"Great minds think alike?" Louis offered with a gentle smile.

"Guess they do," he said, "did you get that recently?"

"No, about fifteen years ago, maybe? Back when my mum had passed," he explained, nimble fingers closing the buttons on his shirt again, "it was a moment of clarity, you could say. Acceptance."

"I like that," Harry concluded, "and I'm sorry about your mum."

"It's all right," Louis pursed his lips into a smile, not an awkward one, maybe just concealing a sad one.

"Do you have anymore?" Harry asked, even though he knew Louis had more. He would catch glimpses of the ink on Louis' skin now and then; on his arms, wrists and even on his fingers.

"A lot of them, actually," Louis said, "we'd be here for ages if I had to show you all of them. How about you? I spotted a few on you," he reached forward and poked Harry's hand where a cross was tattooed.

"Ah, yeah. I have a few too," Harry said, scanning his body as if he could see any of them through his clothes.

"Any favourites?"

"Um, I like the rose one on my arm," he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to show Louis, "and I like the ones of my daughter's names too and Dylan's."

"You have Dylan's name tattooed on you?" Louis asked, seeming surprised.

"Just a 'D'," Harry snorted, "he was supposed to do it himself for me but he fainted when he got to the 'y'."

Louis laughed. "He was scared of needles then?"

"Terrified," Harry confirmed with a fond smile.

"You know, I am too," Louis sniffed, shifting a bit, "can't get my blood drawn without shitting myself."

Harry giggled. Since when did he giggle that much?

"But you have tattoos."

"I know but it's not the same," Louis argued.

" _How_?"

"Because I said so," Louis shrugged, giving Harry a cocky smile.

"Fine," Harry sighed, rolling his eyes, "do you have a favourite?"

"I like the dagger and the one on my chest," Louis said almost instantly, "sorry, I just thought about it recently," he explained upon seeing Harry's surprised expression.

"Oh, well you know I like that one too," Harry glanced down at his chest, "I may steal it."

"Steal it? Off my skin?" Louis smirked.

"Yes, I'll make a plan," Harry said, playing along.

"Lovely. I'll steal one of yours in return then but I'll have to look at the rest."

Then it went dead silent. Louis seemed to have regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Harry felt that heat in his belly again. He swallowed and looked away.

It was a flirty insinuation. That was... not something Harry was used to.

"Um, do you want something to snack on? I'm getting a little peckish?" Harry asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Louis nodded, this time his pursed smile displayed awkwardness.

Food. Yes. He needed to get rid of his buzz and he had a feeling Louis needed to do the same.

Louis left about an hour after Harry brought out a packet of chips and a slab of chocolate. They'd succesfully finished off both things along with the wine before Louis decided to leave.

He bid Harry goodbye with just an awkward wave, shrugging his jacket on again and thanking Harry for inviting him over.

"You don't have to thank me. I should thank you for helping me. I couldn't have done it without you," Harry said honestly.

"Well, any time you need my expertise, I'd be happy to help," Louis grinned.

Harry let out an airy laugh through his nose. "I would offer my help at your shop but I'm afraid I don't even know how to use a hammer properly."

"Hey, well, if you ever feel like you need someone to teach you... I'd be happy to help," Louis said carefully, watching Harry's face for his reaction.

Harry bit his lip, swallowing. "Teach me how to use a hammer?"

"Yeah," Louis huffed out a laugh, "sounded better in my head."

"Well," Harry chewed on his bottom lip, "I'll take it into consideration."

"Good," Louis said.

A few seconds passed then Louis said goodbye again before leaving. Harry stared at his closed door, shaking his head. After a long time, he'd actually had fun tonight.

*

"You know, you could actually look up from your phone once in a while," Liam remarked, unimpressed at Harry's behaviour.

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, locking his phone and pushing it aside.

"You're acting like the kids nowadays," Zayn said, wrinkling his nose, "can't get off your bloody phone."

"Yeah, who's taking up all your time?" Liam asked curiously.

"Remember I told you about the guy I met at the support group?"

"Lewis?"

"Louis," Harry corrected, a little more defensively than he'd expected.

"Right, so you're talking to him then?"

"Yeah," Harry shrugged, "he's really nice and we get along really well."

"That's great, Harry," Liam said with a gentle grin, "you made a friend like Celia said you should!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah," he said, "it is nice to speak to him though... he just... knows what I'm going through, more than anyone, you know?"

"We get it. And we're glad you're talking to someone about everything. We should meet the guy soon, don't you think, Li?"

"Yes, god we would love to. Hey, wait, does Anne know? She'd be so proud of you for making a friend."

"Shut up, Li," Harry groaned.

"Come on, Li, give him a break," Zayn said, smirking, "but seriously, H, we should all meet up soon."

"We could have a poker day next weekend? Haven't had one of those in a while and Louis says he loves poker," Harry suggested, chewing on his bottom lip.

"God, I would love that. Haven't played poker in ages," Liam clapped his hands together, grinning like an excited puppy. If he had a tail, he would be wagging it right now.

"Okay, sold. We'll bring some snacks," Zayn declared, "and make sure your friend doesn't bring shit beer."

"Zayn, not everyone likes the same beer you do," Harry said with a huff, "just bring what you like."

"Fine," Zayn grumbled, "but we also can't stay till too late."

"Why?" Harry asked, tilting his head to the side curiously.

"We have an appointment with Dr. Martinez in the morning."

"Oh no, is your gout acting up again?" Harry asked worriedly in a whisper.

"Harry," Liam hissed, admonishing him, "don't say it," he whined.

"Liam, you have gout. It's okay. You're almost fifty, babe, it's normal. People younger than you are getting it."

Harry bit back a laugh. "Li, are you still ashamed of it? Really? It's normal."

"For people who don't have it, maybe," he grumbled, grabbing his glass of water and gulping it.

"Okay, sorry. But hey, it's nothing to be ashamed about, okay? These things happen in old age," Harry beamed, pursing his lips afterwards. Zayn looked away, hiding his own smile.

Liam flared his nostrils. "You know, you two aren't that much younger than me."

"Louis is a few months older than you, actually," Harry found the need to add for some reason.

Liam and Zayn paused, looking each other then looking at Harry again.

"All right. I mean, no one mentioned him at all but okay," Zayn said, a playful tone to his voice as his eyes twinkled with mirth.

"I just--- I mean, we were talking about age so it just... occurred to me, that's all," he stammered in response, cheeks turning hot.

"Right, well, now I'm even more excited to meet this much older man you've been talking to," Liam sang, a smug look on his face.

Harry had no idea why they would act so strange but then again, it was Zayn and Liam, so he wasn't entirely surprised about it.

"Um, anyways," Harry cleared his throat, "I, um, I was clearing out some of Dylan's old things and I came across a few old t-shirts--- those band ones he used to collect --- and I was wondering if I should sell them or keep them?"

Again, they both gave Harry a look, like they were surprised but impressed at the same time.

"What?" He asked, exasperated.

"Sorry, it's just," Zayn licked his lips, shaking his head, "mate, you've been meaning to sort those things out for months now so I guess we're just... surprised to hear that you have."

"Gee, thanks," Harry mumbled, eyebrows pinched together. So much for the faith they'd claimed to have in him.

"No, no you're taking it the wrong way," Liam sighed, tutting, "we're proud of you, Harry, of course we are. It's a big step."

"It is," Harry said quietly. He knew it was. He'd started small, like he'd said in therapy a few weeks ago. But he'd finally cleared everything out this weekend, leaving only a few nitty-gritty things to manage now.

"I think you could sell it if that's what you really want though I'm sure Dylan is looking down on you right now, in both ways," Liam said with a small smile.

"Not his precious band t-shirts," Zayn huffed, pouting at Harry, "he would be disappointed to hear that you're selling them."

"Yeah but," Harry sighed, shaking his head, "I just... won't use them. Maybe I'll keep one or two but the rest? I don't really want them, honestly. Does that... does that make me a bad person?" He asked dubiously.

"No, I don't think it does, really. It's just, I hope you know, that you don't have to get rid of every part of him, you know? You don't have to erase him completely."

"I know," Harry said quickly, "I assure you, I'm not."

He wasn't. He'd kept a few things that would just be his to keep. Like, Dylan's journal for example. Something he'd always been secretive about and never even allowed Harry to come near. Now, Harry kept that very same journal in his nightstand, looking at it every single day when he gets out his phone charger.

He still hadn't had the courage to open it and see inside. That, and the fact that reading his personal thoughts, even if he was no longer with Harry, would feel like a total violation of his privacy.

It wasn't like he'd kept a deep, dark secret from Harry or anything. Harry was sure of that. One of the reasons why they'd worked so well together was because they'd understood the others need for their privacy, even if they were married and very much told each other almost everything. At least, all the things that had mattered.

Zayn and Liam still didn't looked convinced though. Harry let out a sigh. "I kept some of his stuff, okay? I even kept our photo frames up in the hallway. I'm not, like, trying to erase him out of my life or anything."

"Hmm, well, look, I guess I'd understand it when you start seeing someone again. You wouldn't want him everywhere, you know?"

"Zayn," Liam chided, nudging his elbow.

"What?" Zayn asked with a frown.

"Thanks, Z but I really don't think I'm cut out for the whole dating thing again," he grimaced, "I've lived my life, quite happily at that, and that's all I need."

"Jesus, Harry, you're not in your seventies or summat. You still have time to do all of that. Most people are only just getting married at around your age nowadays anyways."

"And I've already done that, had kids, got a pet fish, the pet died and so did my husband and my kids are off studying and working, I'd say I lived a good life and I don't feel the need to start over again."

Liam and Zayn were clearly taken aback by how bluntly he'd said everything but it was just the truth. He hadn't meant for it to sound abrasive or anything, he was just speaking his mind.

"Okay, fair enough," Liam relented, "but don't put anything off it comes your way, okay?"

Harry highly doubted that would happen any time soon or ever, really. Still, he nodded.

"I promise," he lied with a tight smile.


	2. 2

  
Grief was a funny thing.

One minute you think you're doing okay and the next, something will happen, be it small or big, that would throw you totally off the rails.

That was how Harry had felt on Saturday morning; as gloomy and dull as the sky outside.

He was having a bad day without even having to start the day. It was horrible.

See, he'd had a dream last night that had felt so real, he'd woken up, startled, the harsh reality then dawning upon him that his dream had just been a dream and nothing more.

He swore though, that sometimes when he would dream of Dylan it was because Dylan--- way up there in the sky--- made a decision to visit him in his dreams. He'd always had a thing for mocking, teasing, being mischievous occasionally, not realising how he can hurt someones feelings when he'd do that sometimes.

They were cuddling on their couch in his dream, just like they'd done every night, watching _Masterchef Australia_ , judging the contestants even though they could barely do half of what the contestants did.

Dylan whispered off-handed commentary now and then into Harry's ear like he'd always done, making Harry laugh or hit his chest playfully when he'd said something a bit too harsh.

It felt so familiar is the thing. Something he'd ached for ever since Dylan had passed. Familiarity. Comfort. They were at home with each other and Harry hadn't felt home in a very long time.

So he'd woken up with a heartache, turning to Dylan's side of the bed with a lump in his throat and a burn in his nostrils. He'd pulled the pillow close to his chest and cried softly into the material of it until his eyes burned from how dry they were and he had to force himself out of bed to get dressed and ready for the day.

Today was the poker night, see, and he was introducing Louis to the rest of his friends so it was somewhat important to not only them but to Louis too. He'd been fretting about it since Harry told him, making it a bigger deal than it actually was.

At the end of the day, he would be having guests over and Harry was nothing if not a good host. He couldn't be all depressed and sad, putting a damper on the mood for the whole night.

So, he had to pull himself together, push away the pain, and get on with the day.

It had felt much like the first few months after Dylan had passed. He was just walking around, numb, as if he were just a shell of a man he used to be.

The support group admittedly helped him a lot on that front. He slowly had to get back up again, reviving who he was and who he had to become.

And now a stupid dream had to shove him back to square one. It wasn't fair at all.

He huffed in the middle of his kitchen, grabbing the packet of pretzels a bit too aggressively and emptied it out into a bowl.

With a deep exhale, Harry braced himself with both hands over the lip fo the counter. He took a few deep breaths, trying to control his breathing but ultimately failed when his lips quivered and a stream of hot tears flowed down his cheeks, a sob wracking through his body violently.

Jesus. Harry tried the breathing thing again, letting out short heavy exhales, like he'd seen people do in lamaz classes. It surprisingly helped even though the tears still fell rapidly down his cheeks, leaving heat in their wake.

Then there was a knock on the door. Harry frowned, looking up at the clock. Whoever it was was a little early.

He lifted his hands to his cheeks, swiftly wiping away any dampness on his skin and then underneath his nose.

Another knock.

"Coming," Harry called out.

He let out one last breath before walking to the door, opening it to reveal Louis.

There was a smile on his face that quickly dimmed when he scanned Harry's face. His eyebrows pinched together.

"Harry, uh, hi? Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly.

For some reason, Harry couldn't even keep himself together enough to even answer the question. He attempted to nod, ignoring the tremble in his lips.

"Okay," Louis said carefully, swallowing, "do you want to maybe talk about it?"

Harry averted his eyes to the floor when his vision became blurry. "Um, come in," he said instead, stepping aside.

Louis waited for a moment before letting out a small sigh and stepping inside. Harry quickly shut the door and turned around to head back to the kitchen.

"Um, you can set the stuff down on the table," he said over his shoulder, avoiding Louis' eyes as much as possible.

He didn't look back around but he heard shuffling and what sounded like the crumple of a crisps packet. He stood aimlessly in the middle of his kitchen then heard the sound of footsteps approach him.

Maybe it was because he was too caught up in his emotions to do anything but for some reason, he didn't move. Not even when Louis stood in front of him, studying his features again.

He let out a soft breath. "Harry, you're not okay," he stated.

There was no point hiding it. He shook his head, sniffling.

"What happened? Do you wanna sit down?"

Harry finally looked up at Louis and gave him a small nod, grabbing one of the stools from his island and sitting down. Good. Okay. This actually helped. Sitting down was good.

"Sit down too, please," Harry said with a weak laugh.

Louis pursed his lips, taking a seat next to Harry. "So, you're crying," he stated stupidly.

At least it made Harry crack a smile. He huffed out a laugh. "I'm crying," he confirmed, wiping the underneath of his eyes again. He leaned forward, arms on the counter, and rested his chin upon them.

"What happened?" Louis asked gently.

"I---" Harry cut himself off with a shake of his head, "this sounds stupid now that I'm thinking about it. "

"Hey, nothing you feel is stupid, okay?" He chastised in a gentle yet firm manner.

Harry stared at him before slowly nodding. He sighed. "I had a dream last night," he revealed, "about... about Dylan."

"Ah, and what were you doing in that dream?"

Harry straightened up a bit. "How did you know I was in it?"

"I've been there," Louis said, face twitching into a sad smile, "it sucks."

"Yeah, it does," Harry scoffed out a mirthless laugh, "just when I thought I was okay I have this dream--- and it wasn't--- it wasn't even like, anything major, just us together on the couch, cuddling like we always did and that was it."

"Ah, the cuddling dream," Louis said wistfully.

"Oh, you've had that dream too?" Harry asked, a small smile on his face.

"Yup," he said, "had a dream recently that Dani and I were in our bed, it was Sunday morning and I woke up holding him again. It was horrible waking up alone."

"That's awful. I'm sorry," Harry frowned.

"Nothing wakes you up like waking up alone," Louis said, the words weighing heavy in Harry's chest.

He nodded with earnest. "It's how I felt this morning. I was so... sad, just looking at the bed empty beside me. It was weird how much it affected me all of a sudden even though I've been doing it for about six months now."

"It's okay to have a relapse--- if you could even call it that. Grief isn't just a straight line, you know? Sometimes there are certain things that'll just hit us when we least expect it to and that's okay. You're allowing yourself to feel it though which is the most important thing."

Harry blinked, a little shocked at how... wise he'd sounded. Maybe it was true what they said, old people are wise. He smiled to himself at that.

"What?" Louis asked with a frown.

"Nothing, I just--- maybe it's true about older people being wise and all," he snorted.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Shut up," he muttered, "I was being serious over here."

Guilt swarmed over him then. "Sorry," he winced, "I just... I say things sometimes without really thinking them through. A habit I definitely picked up from Dylan."

"I have a feeling we would have gotten along," Louis said, "Dylan and I; we sound similar in that sense. Unfiltered and unabashed about it."

Harry hummed in thought before nodding slowly. "Yeah, I think you would have," he said honestly, "do you think Daniel and I would have gotten along?"

Louis nodded immediately. "Oh for sure. You're easy to get along with, I think."

Harry grinned. "Thank you," he said sincerely, "you are too."

"You're just saying that because I complimented you first," Louis brushed it off.

"I'm not," Harry insisted, "I really mean it. I... I didn't think I would get along this well with someone."

"Me too," Louis said, adams apple bobbing as he looked at Harry, "I'm sorry you feel so upset today. We can always reschedule tonight, you know?"

"No, I'm okay," he shook his head but he really meant it. "Thank you for talking to me."

"Yeah, any time, Harry," he smiled.

"I hope you know that I'm here for you too. If you ever wanna talk to someone, you know? I know how hard it can be."

"I really appreciate that, thank you. I mean, I have my kids but I swear sometimes I feel like no one _really_ gets it, does that make sense?"

"It does. My kids are the same. They've been there for me and I've tried to be there for them as much as I can but certain things, I don't think they'd understand and I'm sure it works like that the other way around too."

"Yeah, it was even more heartbreaking to see my kids sad. It was like, I didn't know how to comfort them for the first time in my life," Harry said darkly. Then he cleared his throat. "Sorry, god this is not how I pictured tonight going."

"It's okay, Harry. I can see there's probably a lot on your chest right now so I really don't mind and I do understand what you mean by that."

"You do?" Harry asked, sounding hopeful, desperate almost.

"Yeah," Louis smiled sadly, "you're not alone."

Harry smiled, lop-sidedly, sighing. "I'm a mess."

Louis snorted, giving him a big pat on the back. "Me and you both."

Then there was a knock on the door. "That's a queue for us to stop our pity party and get on with poker night. What do you say? Ready to lose?" Louis smirked.

Harry laughed. "I don't lose in poker," he replied truthfully.

Louis raised his eyebrows. "Well, we'll see then, won't we?"

Unsurprisingly, Louis hit it off with Liam and Zayn almost instantly. Harry had guessed that they would. They ended up playing a few rounds of poker, Louis winning most of them much to Harry's dismay, before deciding to take a short break to refill snacks and beverages.

Harry offered to do so, knowing his friends would have questions for Louis but they'd surprisingly waited until he was back to start the interrogation.

"What is it that you do, Louis?" Zayn asked, leaning back on his chair, beer in one hand.

"I'm mechanic, run a shop with my son. How about you two?" He returned politely, glancing between Liam and Zayn.

"I'm a professor, teach art history, and Liam works in real estate," Zayn explained.

"That's sick. You know, I've always wanted to teach drama but just never got around to it," he revealed.

Harry thought then that he'd probably be a good drama teacher, given how dramatic he could be sometimes.

"You don't seem like the type," Zayn said, tilting his head curiously.

"Well, you totally seem like an art nerd in the best way possible," Louis said with a smirk.

Zayn chuckled. "I do get that a lot," he said, "Harry says you two met at the support group?" He asked, tone cautious.

"We did," he confirmed, a little more seriously, "he seemed like a nice person to approach and talk to so I just went for it."

"I'm curious as to what made you think _Harry_ is approachable," Liam laughed.

" _Hey_ ," Harry complained, offended.

Louis laughed before answering. "I think I just liked the way he spoke, honestly. Felt like we might have a few things in common," he said.

Harry smiled. "We do," he chimed in, "have a few things in common, I mean."

"I think it's great that Harry's made a new friend and you seem like an ace guy," Zayn said.

"Thanks, mate. You too," Louis grinned, "you guys know each other for a while then?"

"Since before Harry met Dylan," Liam said, smiling at Harry, "quirky little thing, who wouldn't wanna be friends with him?"

"Wow, that's a really long time then. Me best friend, Niall, and I have been friends since I went to secondary," he said then turned to Harry, "you should meet him some time."

Harry's stomach fluttered. He wasn't very good with people, even though Liam and Zayn (and Dylan) argued otherwise. He nodded anyways.

"I would love to. Only fair, innit?"

"Yeah, exactly," Louis winked then turned his attention back to Liam and Zayn, "tell me more about how _you_ two met then."

They'd then proceeded to tell Louis about how they'd met in a coffee shop where Liam was working as a barista and gave Zayn his number on a coffee cup with a winky face, sounding like the most cliché thing in the world but also really cute.

"How did you and your husband meet? If you don't mind me asking," Liam added quickly.

"I don't mind," Louis reassured him with a kind smile, "um, through Niall actually. He was working with Niall at this clothing store and eventually, I went to visit him almost every week because we got along really quickly and then one thing led to another..." he trailed off.

"That's sweet," Liam commented, "did Harry tell you how he met Dylan?" He asked with a devilish smile.

"Oh god, no," Harry groaned, rubbing his face with his hand.

"Dylan hit Harry on the head with a football and asked to make it up to him by buying him a coffee," Zayn snorted.

Louis cackled. "You know, I think you might be right, Harry, Dylan and I would have really gotten along, a fellow footballer, ey?"

"He loved it," Harry said fondly, "never hit me on the head again, thankfully."

"It does explain a lot about him though," Zayn joked.

Louis chuckled. "Oh, yes it does."

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side, not gang up on me with them," Harry squawked.

"I am on your side, love," Louis grinned, "just being honest though."

Harry swallowed. Louis had a habit of using a lot of petnames for people in general, he'd noticed. He admittedly found it odd, at first, because no one had really referred to him in such a manner besides Dylan.

Zayn raised his eyebrows at Harry, mouthing 'love' back to him with a questioning look on his face.

Harry shrugged him off, looking away. It was just in Louis' nature. He meant nothing of it.

"Okay, I have a question," Louis declared, "what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?"

"Oh boy," Liam winced, "um, I once did a presentation in class and had bad pit stains which obviously the kids made fun of afterwards."

"Oh, that's rough," Louis winced too, "sorry, mate."

"I came in my pants the first time Liam touched me," Zayn blurted out.

Louis choked on his spit. "Jesus," he laughed, "that's... something."

Harry shook his head. He really didn't need to know that. Not that he hadn't already but he just didn't need to be reminded of it.

"And you, Harry?" Louis asked, eyes on him.

"Um, my roommate in uni walked in on me having sex and... uh, I didn't really stop, even after he'd seen me," he admitted with heated cheeks.

"Oh shit," Louis chortled, surprised, "kinky, I see."

"Oh, you have no idea," Zayn sang, pointedly taking a sip of his beer.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Louis, your turn," Liam said.

"Right, so I was at this party back in the day, really fucking wasted. Like, I couldn't even stand up properly, you know? And I really needed to use the bathroom but like I said, I couldn't even stand up so..." he trailed off, cheeks pink.

"You pissed yourself?" Harry gasped in amusement.

"Yes," he confirmed with a grimace.

"Oh, Jesus. We really are an embarrassing bunch, aren't we?" Liam chuckled.

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Louis raised his bottle up, almost as if he were doing a toast.

"Cheers to that, mate," Zayn mimicked his actions, raising his bottle before taking a sip with Louis.

The rest of the night goes by pretty quickly and by midnight, Zayn and Liam say goodbye to Harry and Louis.

Louis insisted he stay back and help Harry clean up though and even though Harry wouldn't let him, he stayed anyways, already washing some of the used dishes.

Harry sighed eventually and let him do it, clearing up the table.

"Did you like 'em?" Harry asked Louis once he was in the kitchen. "My friends, I mean," he clarified.

"Nope, not even one bit," he said.

Harry frowned, looking up at him.

"I'm joking, Harry, Jesus," he snorted, "the look on your face," he laughed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ha-ha, very funny," he said, "but seriously, did you?"

"I did, yeah. Great guys. Shouldn't you be asking them that though? Since I'm the newbie and all," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I guess but it works both ways," he shrugged, wiping up the countertops.

"Fair enough," Louis said, "thanks for having me tonight though, I enjoyed kicking your arse in poker."

"Oh shut it," Harry rolled his eyes, feeling slightly embarrassed for being cocky.

"Someone is a sore loser," Louis mumbled, still quite audible.

"We'll see who the sore loser will be when I verse you in Monopoly," Harry huffed, putting the cloth away.

"Oh, big talk again, huh? Only for you to lose all over again?" Louis said smugly, drying off his hands and turning to Harry.

Harry gaped at him. "All right, fine. We'll just have to wait and see then, won't we?"

"Fine by me. Next week Friday then?" Louis asked.

"Game night with just us two?" Harry asked, biting his lower lip. For some reason, his stomach turned at the thought. Not necessarily in a bad way.

"Sure, why not?" Louis shrugged.

Harry nodded shortly. "Game on then," he smirked back.

*

It became somewhat of a thing for the next three weeks, that they meet on Friday night for game night. True to Harry's word, he did beat Louis in Monopoly and Louis too was a sore loser, even worse than Harry if the sulk on his face was anything to go by.

He looked like a child but Harry took pity on him and stopped. It was actually something Harry began to look forward to at the start of every week now.

He suddenly started to wake up with purpose everyday, having new routines, talking to Louis almost everyday now, having tea again instead of coffee in the mornings and feeling overall, just, cleaner.

The support group met on Wednesday, where his mood varied from dull to relieved. Some days were harder than others, of course. He would still wake up missing his husband.

Today was one of those iffy days. He woke up, missing Dylan but not in a sad or somber way like he had before. Instead, Harry smiled, a little nostalgic.

"You know, I watched _Fight Club_ yesterday," Harry spoke, turning to Dylan's side of the bed, "the first time I watched _our_ movie without you."

There's no reply, of course, but he needed to talk to 'Dylan' sometimes. Even if it made him sound crazy, it kind of helped in a weird way.

"It was painful, but not as much as I thought it would be," Harry admitted, gazing longingly at the empty spot beside him, "I do miss you though."

Harry sighed, pushing himself off the bed and trudging to the bathroom. He scrolled through his phone while he brushed his teeth, smiling around his toothbrush when he saw the messages from Louis.

_I made some brownies today, thought of you._

_I'm at home today, by the way, if you want to come and have some_

_In a non-weird way, of course._

Harry pulled the brush out of his mouth, spitting into the sink and rinsing before answering Louis.

_I have an appointment with Tracey today, to finalise everything. But if you're still free in the afternoon, I'd love to take you up on that offer._

There's three dots that appeared before a message came from Louis.

_Oh boy, good luck. And yes, sure._ _Can't_ _guarantee they'll still be there though ;)_

A winky face. Harry raised an eyebrow. He didn't know when last he'd used an a winky face.

_You'll make a plan if you want to prove a point_

Harry grinned, pressing send.

_What point would that be?_

Harry rolled his eyes.

_That yours are better than my mum's. She won't be happy about that, by the way._

Louis doesn't reply after that so Harry decided to take a shower instead. He washed off all the ickiness from the night before and changed into his pants, shirt and blazer before checking his phone again.

_Maybe I should be meeting her then, tell her to give me the final verdict. What do you think?_

Harry snorted, shaking his head.

_She's just as stubborn as you so good luck with that._

_Fine, challenge accepted_ , Louis replied with.

Harry had lost count of how many times he had to roll his eyes since he'd woken up all because of Louis. 

Meeting Tracey again was exhausting to say the least. She was mentally, emotionally and therefore physically draining. It wasn't as bad as their other meetings, thankfully.

She'd only yelled at him twice this time and at Frank three times.

Honestly, Harry wasn't even sure why she was still wasting her time with him if she wasn't happy with majority of the ideas Harry put out.

Still, it was only a few days left before her birthday party so Harry was trying to endure as much of it as possible. And, he'd also needed the money.

The business itself wasn't failing by any means, he was just getting too tired to keep running everything by himself. At the same time, he was very particular in the way he wanted things done and he might get annoyed at people who don't do it his way.

He was in a bit of a pickle.

Harry messaged Louis as soon as his appointment was done, in desperate need for some chocolate. Chocolate was the best cure after all.

Louis one-up'd him by offering him some tea too and Netflix. How could he refuse at this point, really?

Harry let out a sigh once he was in his car and placed his folders aside. Man, he felt like he was getting too old for this shit and he wasn't even in his fifties yet. God, that wasn't good.

He ignored his existential crisis in the mean time and drove to Louis' place. It would actually be the first time he was going there. They'd always hung out at Harry's before this, for no particular reason. At least, no reason Harry knew of.

When the GPS led him to his destination, he stopped a bit to scan the house. Yes, house. It wasn't a flat like Harry'd expected. It was a nice, kind of suburban looking house with a small fence and horribly kept garden in front.

Harry jumped out of his car, walking up to the door hesitantly and knocking twice. He scanned the rest of the porch-like area curiously. There was an old chair to one side but it didn't look unused, quite the opposite, it looked like it was used too much. Next to that was a small wooden table, big enough to hold two, maybe three glasses at most.

Harry wondered if Louis sat out here a lot. There were fragments of ash that were no doubt from cigarettes at the legs of the table but no ashtray. That was odd.

Before his mind could wander further, Louis opened the door, joggers on along with a tight shirt and fuzzy socks. Harry was slightly taken aback. While Louis had seen Harry in casualwear--- ultimate casual wear--- before, Harry had never seen Louis in joggers before. Nor had he seen him in a shirt that tight.

It was so tight, it hugged around his abs. Abs. He had abs. There was a touch of a tummy at the edge of his joggers but everything else was... toned. Maybe that was expected from a mechanic? He wasn't sure.

"Are you going to come in or?" Louis drawled out, searching his face.

"Oh, uh, yes," he walked in swiftly, "I brought a bag of crisps."

Louis chuckled. "Thanks, I think," he took the bag from Harry then stepped away. "Come on, follow me," he said over his shoulder, turning into a corridor.

Harry moved quickly, following Louis' figure. He watched his bright red fuzzy socks drag across the wooden flooring until they reached a kitchen.

It was a nice kitchen. Basic. Nothing too special. White and black colour scheme and a small wooden island in the middle with three black stools.

"I really like your place," Harry said, eyes scanning around.

"It's old," Louis said, "was my grandparents," he explained, emptying out some of crisps into a bowl.

"Wow, it's really... suburban," Harry said, hoping hed used the right word.

"It was Daniel's thing," Louis explained, popping a crisp into his mouth, "want me to give you a tour?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically.

"All right, come on then. Follow me," Louis led them out the kitchen, underneath an archway and into a dining room.

The wallpaper here was a dark red with a deep brown wooden paneling at the bottom. The dining table matched the paneling, an eight-seater, the chairs having black cushions. It was a little old-fashioned but Harry loved it. It felt homey.

"Dining area," Louis gestured to the table.

Harry chuckled, "thanks for the clarification."

"I am giving you a tour aren't I?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, carry on," Harry said, amused.

"Thank you," Louis said then went out another archway on the opposite side that led them into the living room.

It was a bit more modern than the dining area, plain white paint on the walls, one three-seater leather couch in the middle and a love-seat on the right with armchairs on the left. There was a decent sized televsion mounted on the wall and on the opposite side was a huge sliding door, covering the expanse of the wall.

Harry could see that it led out to a backyard. It was a nice-sized backyard too but it was as unkempt as the front of the house.

"I'm guessing Daniel took care of the gardening then," Harry remarked, lips twitched up.

"Yeah, my kids and I never really took an interest. Suppose I have to take care of that mess soon though, don't I?" Louis wrinkled his nose, scanning the yard.

Harry spotted a trampoline and an old, rusted swing set to one side. He nodded. "I don't mind helping, if you'd like," he said, "I've always liked helping my mum and wished I could have had a garden of my own one day."

"Really? I couldn't ask that of you," Louis shook his head.

"You aren't. I'm offering."

"All right, all right. Fair enough. You can come in any time. Maybe teach me a thing or two while you're at it."

"Deal," Harry said with a smile, "now show me the rest and let me get to those brownies of yours."

"Let's get on with it then," Louis said, sauntering out of the living room and into the corridor they'd initially come from again.

Louis showed him three bedrooms upstairs, two of them looked like they'd belonged to broody teenagers still and Louis' looked tidy and clean surprisingly. Not in a bad way, necessarily, it was just if the backyard was anything to go by...

There were two bathrooms, one ensuite and one in the middle of the two teenage bedrooms.

The stairs creaked underneath his feet as he walked down.

"Care to see the shop?" Louis asked as they come to the end of the staircase.

"It's here?" Harry asked, eyebrows pinched together. He didn't recall seeing any shop.

"Yeah, at the back," he explained.

Louis walked back to the living area and took a right turn, opening a door. Harry hadn't even noticed a door there.

Out the door were a few steps that led straight into the garage where two cars stood, grease on the grey floors and a strong smell in the air. Something like petrol.

"There's a pathway that it leads to out front. Did you not notice it?" Louis asked.

"No," Harry replied. He wondered how he'd missed it. Maybe he was just too occupied looking at the house itself.

"Well, this is it. We closed up about an hour ago and my son left," Louis informed him, going back into the house. Harry followed him.

"Brownies?" Louis asked.

"Brownies," Harry nodded, grinning.

Louis gave him a plate full of brownies and a glass full of milk. Needless to say, Harry was very happy after that.

And, he had to regrettably confess to Louis that his brownies were in fact the best he'd tasted to date. Better than his mum's. Even better than Dylan's. The thought unsettled and simultaneously excited him.

*

One of the most heartbreaking things is hearing your child cry. It was unexpected when Tia phoned him in the middle of the night on a Wednesday but of course he'd answered immediately.

"Hello?" He greeted, voice groggy.

"Dad?" Tia asked, voice fragile.

Harry shot up from the bed, holding the phone closer. "Hey, sweetie. What's wrong?"

"Just, um, one of those days," she sniffed, "missing paps."

Harry's heart ached. "I know, Ti. I miss him too."

"Do you mind if I talk to you? Just for a bit?"

"Of course, baby. Tell me what's on your mind," he said gently.

"We were just talking today--- my friends and I--- and they mentioned how much they love peanut butter and cheese on bread and I just lost it," she laughed mirthlessly, "is it stupid?"

"No," Harry sighed, "it's not stupid at all."

Peanut butter and cheese was something Dylan enjoyed a lot. None of them understood why. It was the oddest thing in the world. But after he'd passed, they'd all seemed to take a liking to it suddenly.

"I feel like I'm okay but," she sighed, "it just gets hard sometimes."

"I know, I understand that. There are days like that but we got this, okay? We're okay. Paps is proud of you," he said firmly.

"Thanks, dad," she sniffled, "I was thinking of maybe coming over soon, if that's okay? I miss you."

Harry's heart warmed at that. "Any time, love. This is still your home too, yeah?"

"Yeah," she said, "sorry I woke you up."

"It's all right. Tell me about how your studying is going. Any nasty professors?" He asked her.

They'd stayed up for about forty minutes chatting after that and by the end of it, Tia had sounded much happier than when she'd first called. Harry was glad that he got her mind off of it for a bit.

He knew they would all have those days where they'd miss Dylan a lot. He was a great husband, and an even better father.

Harry sighed, turning to Dylan's side of the bed like he'd always done. He ran his fingers over the sheets, feeling the ghost of his presence.

"We miss you," he'd whispered into the quiet air.

For all the times he'd spoken to 'Dylan', he'd wished now more than ever that he would reply. Just to say that he'd missed them too. 

When Harry woke up, he was surprised to find that he woke up feeling happy. Not that he hadn't for the past few weeks but he hadn't expected to after how emotionally heavy last night was. But he was feeling lighter.

Perhaps it was because he'd gotten some things off his chest from talking to the support group earlier yesterday. And maybe some of it was because he'd seen Louis again.

Louis was becoming a constant in his life now. His week wasn't complete if he didn't see Louis at least once during those seven days. Well, twice if you'd counted their game nights.

They'd had their first one last week Friday at Louis' place and Harry found that he'd liked it better there. There was a nice, cosy fireplace in the living room and it was also more spacious, not to mention that the stars were a little more, scattered amongst the sky, and the sun shone a bit brighter. Harry couldn't explain why.

Today, Harry had one meeting with a new client around lunch time and he had to run some errands now before going to meet them.

With his folder in the passenger seat like it always was, he headed off to the grocery store.

It was a quick trip, so that he wasn't late for his appointment. He'd only grabbed a few things for the next few days, maybe over a week or so. It was only him at home now after all. He didn't need to buy nearly as much unless Louis or Liam and Zayn come over. Otherwise, he didn't need to splurge unnecessarily.

His client this time was a much nicer lady named Diane. She was planning a surprise party for her daughter's twenty first birthday along with her partner, Jamie.

It was really sweet, how attentive they were to little details of their daughter's life. From her favourite band to her favourite colour. It was one of those ones that made Harry happy at the end of his appointment.

It was only when he was on his way home that he'd noticed something that dulled his joyful mood. He frowned.

He was sure he'd filled oil in his vehicle only a few months ago. It wasn't normal that the oil emptied so quickly.

Harry bit his lip, deciding to get home and call Louis. He would know what to do.

Louis answered on the second ring, his raspy voice greeting Harry.

Harry ignored the goosebumps that erupted on the skin on his arms. "Louis, hello."

"Hi, Harry," he said in a laugh. It instantly turned Harry's frown into a smile.

"Um, are you busy?" He asked, picking at the threads on his trousers.

"Uh, just at the shop but we can speak if you need to talk to someone," he said softly.

Harry smiled. "Um, no, I'm okay. Thank you though. It's just my car, actually. I'm not... I'm not sure if it's anything to worry about but it's low on oil for some reason and I've only just filled it a few months ago."

Louis hummed. "That is odd. When exactly did you fill it?"

"Maybe three months ago?"

"That is quite weird then. All right. You can bring it in now if you'd like and I can take a look at it," he offered.

Harry looked at the time on his radio. He nodded. "Okay, I'll bring it in now. Are you sure though? I don't want to just impose."

"Harry, it's to fix your car, love. It's okay," he laughed softly.

Goosebumps erupted over his arms again. Man, he needed to put his heating on when he drove more often.

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes then. That okay?"

"Yes, more than okay. Look forward to seeing you," Louis chuckled.

Harry bit back a smile. "See you in a few, Lou." Then he hung up.

Lou? That was new. He hoped Louis didn't mind that. Harry kind of liked the way it rolled off his tongue.

He was at Louis' about ten minutes later, driving his car up the pathway that led to the garage. He parked right outside and got out.

"Harry," Louis smiled, wiping his hands with an old cloth, "you've brought your car."

"Like I promised," Harry snorted, patting the hood of it, "is that, um.."

Louis followed his gaze to where a boy--- man--- stood behind a table, spectacles on and working on something that Harry couldn't even bother to figure out what it was called.

"My son, yeah," Louis confirmed, "Drew," he called out.

Drew looked up, stepping away from the table to join his father. Harry felt weirdly nervous about it.

"This is Harry, I told you about him, remember?" Louis said, placing a hand on Drew's shoulder.

"Ah, yes," he held out his hand, "nice to finally meet you."

He looked like he had Louis' smile, Harry noticed. He was fairly tall, taller than Louis, slim body like Louis but brown eyes, unlike Louis' blue ones.

"Likewise," Harry returned.

"My friend Niall is here too, if you wanna meet him," Louis said, looking at Harry expectantly.

God. Okay. This was unexpected. It shouldn't be a big deal but Harry felt like it was.

"Sure," he smiled.

"Get Niall, would you?" Louis asked his son. Drew nodded then politely excused himself, trudging back into the garage before disappearing into the house.

"Sorry, all a bit sudden, I know. But why not?" He shrugged.

Harry pursed his lips into a smile. "Niall helps you too?"

"No, he just comes around now and then," Louis said.

"Oh," Harry blinked. Odd. But all right.

"So the car?" Louis asked.

"Right," Harry popped the hood of the car opened and Louis held it opened with metal stick.

"Let's take a look," Louis muttered then leaned in.

It was only then that Harry actually noticed how Louis was dressed--- how he _looked_.

He was wearing jeans. _Jeans_. When last had Harry even worn jeans? And he was in a vest, a jacket wrapped around his waist. His biceps were otherworldly, bulging as he leaned over and he was _sweating_. God. Why was he sweating in this weather?

He looked hot. Harry widened his eyes at the realisation and quickly pushed the thought away.

Here he was, wearing a sweatervest _and_ a cardigan. And loose trousers. Suddenly, Harry felt embarrassed, feeling like he wasn't looking nearly as attractive as Louis was.

Why was he worrying about that? He shouldn't be worrying about that. Louis'd seen him with a crisp tangled in his hair once, why would he care now?

"You must be Harry," came a voice from beside him. When Harry looked up, the man was eyeing him suspciously. Harry swallowed. Hopefully he hadn't caught Harry staring.

"Uh, yes. You're Niall?" He asked.

"That'd be me," he confirmed, extending his hand out for a handshake, "nice to meet you."

"Same here," Harry shook his hand, "Louis says you've been friends for a while."

"The longest time," Niall said with a proud smile on his face, hitting Louis' shoulder.

Louis rolled his eyes.

"Harry," Louis called out.

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid you may need to leave your car behind for a day or so," Louis revealed, straightening up.

"I do?" Harry asked worriedly, frowning.

"Yes, I think your oil is leaking which is actually really dangerous so I'd prefer you not drive it if that's okay."

"Oh," Harry felt his heart plummet. God how much was this going to cost him?

"I'll give you a ride home now if you'd like. Do you have any appointments tomorrow?"

"Um, no actually. Will it--- will it be done by tomorrow?" He swallowed.

"I'm not sure. We need to see why it's leaking and fix it but latest Sunday I would say."

"Sunday," he repeated, disappointed.

"If you need to get anywhere you can always just ask me and I'll help you out. It'll only be a few days," Louis said quickly.

"Louis is good at his job," Niall chimed in, "won't be too long."

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly because what else was he meant to do anyways? He needed to get his car fixed. It was his car. His only one.

"You staying for a little bit or do you want me to take you home?" Louis asked.

By the look on his face, he was sure Louis could see that Harry was a bit worried. He couldn't stay here while his mind was reeling and he was meant to meet new people. God, new people. He really wasn't a fan of meeting new people but that sounded horrible because this was Louis' son and best friend for God's sake.

"Um, if you don't mind I think I'll go home for a bit. I--- it's been a long day and I haven't gotten much sleep last night," he rambled, cheeks hot.

"It's all right, mate. But I'm hoping to see you again soon, Yes?" Niall asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Sure, yeah," Harry agreed.

"All right let me take you home," Louis said, wiping his hands with the same cloth that was hung in one of his pockets. "Tell Drew, please," he told Niall.

"Sure," Niall said then looked at Harry, "hope to see you soon, Harry."

Harry gave him a polite smile and Niall was off. Louis stared at him carefully.

"Come on, let's go," Louis said, walking to his car.

Harry emptied out whatever he needed from his car before jumping into Louis', holding his folder tightly on his lap as the car started.

"Harry, are you okay?" Louis asked five minutes into their drive.

"Um, I just--- how much will this all cost?" He asked nervously.

"Harry," he started with a shake of his head, "you don't have to worry about all of that--- we haven't even figured out what's the main issue. It'll be okay, yeah?"

"Just--- just please tell me when you get an estimate. I'm going to need to dip into my savings so it'll be nice to know beforehand."

"Harry, relax, love," Louis soothed gently.

Love. There it was again.

"Let me know, please?" Harry asked anyways, gnawing on his bottom lip.

Louis let out a defeated sigh. "All right, I will."

Then they reached his flat.

"Thank you for doing this, Louis," Harry said sincerely, "I really appreciate it."

"Don't even mention it," Louis waved him off. "Hey, uh, you said you didn't get much sleep last night. What happened? If you don't mind me asking."

"Oh, um, my daughter phoned me late last night and she was not doing too well so we stayed up for a bit and talked."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is she doing okay now?" Louis asked.

"I think so. I spoke to her and calmed her down as best as I could," Harry said.

"Well, then I'm sure it worked. You have a way with people," Louis said then gave him a meaningful look.

Harry stared back. He looked away quickly before he could say anything stupid. "Um, thank you--- for everything. I'll--- I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Louis smiled, "have a good night Harry."

"You too, Lou," Harry said grinning before jumping out of the car.

There it was again. Lou.

*

Harry met Louis again on Sunday to pick up his car, as Louis had promised. But when he asked how much he had to pay, Louis refused to tell him.

"Louis, you fixed my car," Harry said incredulously, "I have to pay you something."

Louis regarded him with careful eyes before sighing. "Harry, it's really okay."

"No, this is your job, Louis," Harry insisted, pulling out his wallet.

"No, hey," Louis placed a hand over his wrist to stop him.

"Louis. Something," Harry pleaded, "it'll sit on my concious forever otherwise."

Harry watched Louis swallow. "Dinner," he replied.

Harry blinked at him. "What?"

"Let's go out for dinner and you can pay," Louis blurted out, a pink tint to his cheeks.

Harry's breath caught in his throat. Was he--- was he asking Harry out on a date or something?

"Um," Harry swallowed, "where---where do you want to go?"

"You pick," Louis shrugged, "it's just us going out for dinner--- as friends."

Harry let out a breath even though part of himself felt disappointed. "Right," he said, "I could just take you to McDonald's then."

Louis chuckled. "A way to my heart," he winked.

Harry's heart rate sped up. He smiled. "Are you doing anything now?"

"Um, no. Drew just left so it's me," Louis said.

"Do you want to go out now? We could take my fixed car for a spin."

Louis grinned. "Yeah, okay. Why not?"

"After you then," Harry stepped aside, gesturing to the passenger side of the door.

On their way to McDonald's, Harry couldn't help but replay Louis asking him about dinner. He seemed nervous when he asked, like one would be if they'd asked someone out on a date. He wanted to ask Harry out, didn't he? In a weird way where Harry would have to pay. Not that there was anything wrong with that.

But then he backtracked at the last minute, making it seem like it was just a 'dinner' for friends, trying to make it an informal thing, even further by suggesting it to be at McDonald's. Not that there was anything wrong with that either.

"Spicy sauce with it?" Louis asked as they approached the drive-thru.

"Spicy sauce?" Harry asked, perplexed.

"In your burger. They charge extra but it's worth it."

"Um. Okay?" Harry answered unsurely.

"Great," Louis said, leaning over Harry to order through the speaker. Literally over Harry completely to the point where his hair tickled Harry's mouth.

Harry blinked when Louis pulled away and sat back in the passenger seat properly.

"You okay? You look a little pale," Louis eyebrows furrowed, staring at Harry.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry cleared his throat, "just, shocked you can get a spicy sauce in your burger."

"Can't handle spicy food?"

"Hmm, depends, I guess," he shrugged, "sometimes I can."

"Right," he said, looking unconvinced. They drove to pay and get their food and Louis suggested that they park in the lot of McDonald's and eat.

"So Niall thinks you were checking me out the other day, when you dropped off your car," Louis said, chewing on his burger casually as if he didn't just state such a loaded statement.

Harry almost choked on his food but quickly swallowed, stalling to answer the question by sipping on his coke with a shaky hand.

"Um," Harry started, placing his coke down, avoiding Louis' eyes. God he felt like throwing up. He knew Niall saw him but he didn't think that he would tell Louis.

"I mean, look, I don't blame you," Louis continued, again, so _casually_. What--- what was happening? "It's not like I haven't noticed how attractive you are either."

Fuck. What the fuck? Was this--- was this happening? _What_ exactly was happening? Okay. Okay, this was fine. Louis was a blunt, witty person. He's probably just fucking around.

"Sorry, if it made you uncomfortable," Harry finally replied in a sheepish mumble, "I was just--- um, I was shocked to see you like that, I guess?"

"Like what?" Louis asked, one eyebrow arched at him.

"Fit?" Harry answered, unsure, swallowing nervously. "You're just... in good shape for someone thats almost fifty."

He hoped his quick quip at the end lightened the tension that he felt in the air. Awkward, weird tension.

Louis laughed softly. "Thanks, Harry. You are too," he said, continuing to eat his burger.

Why the fuck was that so casual for Louis to say? Wasn't it... weird? They were friends, weren't they? Was it normal to find your friends attractive?

Maybe it was. He found Zayn extremely attractive when he first met him. Then again, everyone who met Zayn found him attractive.

Maybe that's what it was. It was just a thing that Louis was; attractive. He was attractive and Harry happened to notice, like he had with Zayn, but they were just friends at the end of the day. 

Harry hadn't even thought about anything further than friends even after he'd realised how attractive Louis was. He'd just done all of that before so he didn't find the need to do it again.

He'd done the whole, crush, dating, marriage and kids thing. Louis was his friend and he'd just admitted that he found Harry attractive too which was fine. It was just... casual. Like the way Louis was acting about it.

But then he remembered how it seemed like Louis was kind of asking him out earlier and then he was suddenly rethinking everything.

God this was confusing.

"I still feel awful for not actually paying you, Louis," Harry changed the subject because he had to. He was desperate. He couldn't think about too much right now.

"Harry, it's really okay," Louis said for what felt like the millionth time, "you owe me a few meals and consider yourself even."

The smile he gave Harry looked a little cheeky. Harry smiled back, shaking his head. "Okay, but if you need the money, like properly, just let me know."

"Sure."

Harry didn't think that Louis took that seriously but Harry was. He couldn't just not pay for his car getting fixed. Especially because this was Louis' job after all.

*

"How's Louis doing?" Zayn asked him a few days after Harry had taken Louis to get Mcdonalds.

Harry inhaled sharply. "He's fine," he answered, going back to sorting through his file.

"And how are you doing?" Zayn asked, sounding like he was trying to get something out of Harry.

Harry attempted for a nonchalant shrug. "Fine," he replied, ignoring the pounding of his heart in his ears.

He shouldn't be nervous or anything. Nothing had happened. Except that it kind of did, even if it didn't seem like such a big deal to someone else, it kind of was to Harry.

The last fucking person to call him fit or attractive was his husband and the last person he found attractive was his husband too. It was just weird.

Well, actually, he had noticed that Louis was good-looking when he'd first seen him. Still, that was different though, wasn't it? He hadn't known Louis then. Now they're friends. It was just _different_.

"And how's things going with you two?"

Harry huffed, looking up from his file at his friend, giving him an unimpressed look. "Is there something you want to say?"

Zayn shrugged, jutting out his bottom lip. "It's just been a few days and you haven't mentioned him."

Harry frowned. "Why is that weird? I don't have to talk about him all the time, do I?"

Zayn's eyes widened a bit, sitting back on the sofa. "Jeez, all right. Just asking because since you've met him, there hasn't been a day that you've not mentioned him."

Harry blinked. That--- that couldn't be true? Had he really spoken about Louis that much?

"Yeah, well," Harry shook his head, "I don't have to talk about him all the time."

"But something happened?" Zayn asked, leaning forward.

"Yes? No?" He sighed, collapsing and sitting down on his legs, "maybe."

"Did you guys kiss? Hookup?"

Harry widened his eyes. "No," he said quickly, "God I've only known him for a short while."

"People hookup within hours of knowing each other, sometimes minutes," Zayn waved him off, "what happened then?"

"It was weird," he rubbed his arm, biting his lip, "when---when I dropped off my car, I was kind of.... I kind of checked him out."

A slow smirk appeared on Zayn's face. "You did? Was he all hot covered in grease bending over a car?"

"Zayn," he scolded, cheeks turning hot.

"You found him cute though, didn't you?" Zayn asked, looking much too happy about this whole thing.

"I found him... attractive," he admitted in a small voice, "and his best friend noticed and told Louis that I was checking him out."

"No fucking way. What did he say?" He shimmied forward more, elbows resting on his knees and palms cradling his chin like he was a sixty-year-old nan listening in on some hot gossip.

"We went to Mcdonalds and he said that his best friend, Niall, told him as much and that he thought that I was good-looking too," he explained, the heat from his cheeks spreading to his ears.

"You were at McDonald's?"

"That's what you took from all of that?" Harry deadpanned.

"No, I mean, he told you something so romantic at Mcdonalds? Was it a date?" Zayn raised his brows all the way up to his hairline.

"No," Harry hissed, "I mean--- honestly? When he first asked, it sounded like he wanted to ask me out on a date but then he looked all nervous and said it's as friends."

"Oh," Zayn hummed, brows pinched, "so you went out to Mcdonalds as friends and he told you about finding each other attractive there?"

Harry nodded.

Zayn smiled. "I think he likes you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I like him too. It's not--- it's not like that, I don't think. I mean, I found you attractive too when we'd first met."

"Yeah, but you didn't blush about it," Zayn gave him a pointed look, "you know, it's not wrong for you to like someone else, right?"

Harry felt a lump in his throat. "It's not right either, is it?" He said softly. "Dylan passed only a few months ago and I already got my happily ever after with him. I believe we all get a soulmate in our lives and I've already met mine. We fell in love, we got married and we had kids and now it's done. I've lived all of that already. I don't need anything else---- someone else."

Zayn gave him a sad look. He moved to sit on the floor opposite Harry, placing a hand on his knee. "I know you loved Dylan, H. But he's not here anymore. And it wouldn't be wrong to just have a crush on someone else. He would want you to be happy."

"I am happy. Right where I am," Harry said defensively.

"I'm just saying that if you happen to have a crush on Louis, it wouldn't be the end of the world," he said gently, "it's _okay_."

It's okay.

Harry swallowed. Why didn't it feel okay then? Not that he did have a crush on Louis, just, the thought of having one... it was somehow wrong to him.

"I'm too old for all of that though. I've already done all of that. The crushes, chasing after boys, looking for 'The One', finding him--- I can't do all of that again."

"No one is asking you to. Just don't overthink things and go with the flow for once," Zayn winked, "let loose a little and have fun."

Harry snorted. "I'm in my late forties and have two kids, I can't afford to 'let loose', Zayn."

"Oh, shut it," Zayn rolled his eyes, "you're only as old as you feel and your kids are both adults who are more than capable of taking care of themselves now."

Harry hated that he had a good few valid points.

"Fine," he said, "but I don't have a crush on Louis or anyone else for that matter. I just thought he looked... good the other day, that's all."

"Only the other day?" Zayn asked teasingly.

Harry whacked his hand off his knee, rolling his eyes. "Shut up," he mumbled, getting off the floor, "I'm going to get something to drink, do you want anything?"

"Beer if you have."

"Got it," Harry muttered, making his way to the kitchen and getting them both beers.

Harry knew he was someone who overthinks things way too much and maybe Zayn did have a few good points but what he said still stands; he doesn't have a crush on Louis. He doesn't. They've only known each other for over a month and his husband passed only just over half a year ago. It wouldn't make sense.

A few hours after Zayn left, Harry gets a call from Louis.

It was not uncommon now. They'd spoken a good few times over the phone but for some reason, his stomach twists when he pressed the answer button.

"Hi," he breathed out, sitting down on his couch.

"Hello," Louis greeted back. Harry could hear the smile in his voice. "Haven't heard from since yesterday morning so I just wanted to check if everything is okay."

Harry frowned. Did they talk everyday? Is that why it was weird that he hadn't heard from Harry in over a day?

"Oh, uh, I had a few things to sort out for work," he answered honestly, "and I just caught up with Zayn and Liam a bit."

"Oh, I see. How are they? How's work?"

Harry smiled despite himself. He liked how attentive and sweet Louis was.

"It was fine. Same old, same old and Zayn and Liam are good. They asked about you too. We should all meet again some time."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe with Niall too? If that's okay with you guys, of course."

Harry gulped. Niall, the friend who ratted Harry out for checking out Louis. He doesn't blame him. He would have done the same thing if anyone were checking out his best friend. But still.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Harry said, "didn't get a chance to talk to him properly."

"He can't stop asking about you," Louis chuckled, the sound soft and raspy, "I think it's safe to say that he approves of you."

"Already?" Harry asked, a small smile on his face.

"It doesn't take much for Niall to like you," Louis said, a bit of shuffling came from his end.

"And what about your son?"

Harry had almost forgotten the fact that he'd met Louis' fricking son. Who looked a lot like him.

"Oh, Drew? He's very indifferent about things going on in my life," Louis chuckled, "he'll ask and everything but he's just, like, meh about it."

"Meh?" Harry repeated, laughing.

"Yeah, you know, meh," Louis said again, as if it would help, "he lets me be and I let him be."

"Oh," Harry sat back on the couch, tucking his feet underneath his thighs, "you guys not that close then?"

"No, no, we are. That's the thing. We just... I don't know, he's supportive of me and I, him. If I had to tell him about someone new in my life he would be like, 'oh great, dad' and a few questions and that's it. My daughter, on the other hand, is a little bit more nosy about everything."

Harry grinned. "Your daughter and my two would get along perfectly then. Celia and Tia want to know every and anything about my life. They phone me almost everyday, especially after... you know..."

"That's sweet. They care about you a lot," Louis said.

"They do. I always thought it was supposed to be the parents that are overbearing though," he chuckled, "well, I think I can be sometimes."

"Which only means you care about them too," Louis hummed, "nothing wrong with loving your children."

"I suppose," Harry said, "so I don't need to impress your son or your best friend anymore then? Just your daughter?"

"Impress? You make it sound like you're a boyfriend seeking approval," Louis laughed.

Harry felt his cheeks tingle and stomach turn. He let out a fake laugh, hoping it sounded real enough for Louis. "No, just, you know, as a new friend in your life and stuff."

"I know, I know. A friend you find good-looking," Louis teased.

Was he... flirting? Was that what flirting sounded like nowadays? God this was hopeless.

"You do too," Harry mumbled in response.

"Find myself good-looking? I sure do."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean," he smiled to himself.

"I know, only teasing, love," Louis chortled, "listen, I'm having a barbeque at my place in a week, maybe invite Zayn and Liam? Along with yourself of course."

"Okay," Harry said, "Saturday?"

"Sunday barbeque," Louis corrected, "I make a good steak on the grill."

"All right, sounds good," Harry already was curious about Louis' barbeque and grilling skills, "who else are you telling?"

"Um, just two other friends other than Niall and my one neighbour."

"Okay, well, I'll ask Li and Zayn and let you know?"

"Yeah, sure. I may have to tend to my unruly garden before Sunday though so wish me luck," Louis chuckled.

"I could come and help," Harry blurted out before he could stop himself, "I mean I offered before anyways, didn't I?"

"You did," Louis said quietly, "okay you can come in on Saturday?"

"Yeah, um, I have one appointment in the morning so I'll come after that."

"That's fine. I'll make some lunch," Louis said, "don't eat too much for brekkie."

"Brekkie?" Harry giggled.

"Yeah, whatever. A habit after kids, okay?" Louis groaned.

The thought of Louis calling breakfast, 'brekkie' to his kids was more than just endearing.

"Sure. See you after brekkie on Saturday then," Harry said, still giggling to himself.

"Bye," Louis grumbled before hanging up.

Harry looked down at his phone, biting back a smile that he felt was too big for his face to hold. God, he was a little smitten, wasn't he? Maybe it was a crush. Nothing wrong a harmless crush. Harry had to remind himself of Zayn's words from earlier. There was nothing wrong with that.


	3. 3

  
"Is it a lunch date?" Liam asked excitedly, "then you'll tend to his garden afterwards," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Liam," Harry groaned, "it's not a date. It's like if Zayn and I go out for lunch, okay?"

Harry hated the fact that Zayn drilled it into Liam's head that he had a somewhat crush on Louis. Somewhat being the key word, of course. It wasn't a big deal. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't made a new friend in a while that contributed to it too.

"Harry has a crush," Zayn sang beside Liam, "and he's going to get laid."

Liam giggled. Harry frowned. "I'm not going to get laid, like, ever again."

Liam turned serious then, eyebrows furrowed. " _Ever_ again?"

"I don't find the need to," Harry shrugged, "who would even want to sleep with a man in his late forties?"

"Sugar babies," Liam answered easily, shrugging.

Harry grimaced. "No disrespect to them of course but not my thing."

"I know who would be interested," Zayn said, giving him a suggestive look.

Harry looked down, blushing. "Shut up," he mumbled, stirring the sugar into his coffee.

"Louis," Liam sang like Zayn earlier.

"God, what are you two, five?"

"Oh come on. We're just having some fun," Liam scoffed.

"Just teasing you, babes," Zayn added, "so you going there now?"

"In a few," Harry confirmed, "so you guys are definitely going to come tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, would love to see Louis again," Liam said happily, "how's things going with the group therapy?"

"It's good," Harry answered honestly, "it's getting easier to open up about stuff."

"And how are you feeling about Dylan and stuff?" Zayn asked gently.

Harry shrugged. There were definitely still days that Harry felt a gaping hole in his heart that he knew belonged to Dylan. There were days where he would wake and want nothing more than to cuddle up to his warm body, spend the day with him, laugh at his stupid jokes and play with his messy dark hair.

"It's getting easier, I think but I miss him a lot sometimes," Harry said, "we've been--- we were together for over twenty years, you know? It's not easy to forget or move on from."

"We know. We don't, like, expect you to either, I hope you know," Zayn said softly, "We're just teasing you with Louis and stuff but we get it."

"Yeah, I mean, he was like, just snatched away from you, you know? It wasn't fair."

Harry smiled weakly, nodding. It definitely wasn't fair. He wasn't prepared to lose Dylan at all. Not any time soon.

"Exactly, I think we're just saying its okay to like someone else, that's all. And Louis is, like, a great guy."

"Well, it's an attraction, I guess but," Harry chewed on his lip.

"But?"

"But it's too soon, isn't it? To be attracted to someone that isn't... Dylan."

"I don't think there's a time for that sort of thing," Liam answered diplomatically, "and besides, it's just an attraction--- a crush--- whatever."

"Yeah, Harry. I guess... it's just one of those things. He thinks you're hot and you think he's hot and it doesn't have to be anything more than that if you don't want it to."

"Yeah, man. You're still healing and grieving and you can take your time with that, H. No one is stopping you. Having a little crush in the middle of it isn't wrong though. You know we'd be the first ones to say if it was."

"We would," Liam agreed, "so just, you know, go with the flow for now and stuff. Go help Louis with his garden."

Harry grinned. "I'll go do just that. Lord knows that garden needs it."

Harry got to Louis' shortly after his morning coffee with Liam and Zayn. Zayn had to leave for work and Liam dropped him off.

Parking outside Louis' house felt... different this time. There was a weird fluttering in his stomach and he felt a little light-headed. Maybe it was because of the changing weather. He could be catching a cold or maybe the flu.

Louis answered the door in joggers and a long-sleeved shirt, hair touseled like he'd just woken up.

"Did you just wake up?" Harry asked, stepping into the house.

"No, I was sorting out a car so I just changed quickly," he explained, "you brought something?"

His eyes were on the dish in Harrys hands. Harry nodded. "Just some brownies," he said, "mine this time, not my mum's."

"So not as good then?" Louis quipped.

Harry made an affronted noise. "Fine don't have any then."

"We've established that mine are superior," Louis waved him off, "come on, I've got a pie in the oven."

"Pie?" Harry asked, interest perked.

"Shepards pie," Louis grinned, walking to his kitchen, "me mum's recipe."

"I love shepards pie," Harry breathed out, biting back a smile. He placed the container of brownies down onto the island, sniffing the air. He hummed, delighting in the smell.

"Me too," Louis grinned, bending down to check on the pie in the oven. Harry looked away when he did, swallowing.

"You know, I think it might rain today," Harry said, looking outside at the grey clouds.

"I hope not," Louis straightened up, frowning, "then my garden will be ruined."

"It already is," Harry smirked.

"You know what I mean," he huffed, then bent down again, pink oven mitts on as he pulled out the steaming dish.

Harry's mouth started to salivate already. "You have interesting oven mitts."

"Niall bought them for me," he snorted, pulling them off, "gag gift but they're the only ones I have so."

"Hello Kitty?" Harry giggled, picking one up to examine it.

"He has an odd sense of humour," Louis rolled his eyes, "bought me a butt plug with a fucking rabbit tail at the end."

Harry barked out a laugh, cheeks turning hot. "It's okay. I have one too," he admitted.

Louis widened his eyes, mirth swimming in the crystal blue. "You do?"

"Dylan bought it for me for our ten-year anniversary," Harry rolled his eyes fondly, "guess Niall and Dylan had a similar sense of humour, though mine is a kitten tail."

"Jesus," Louis laughed softly, "never bought a butt plug for Dani nor did he get one for me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Guess we weren't butt plug people?" He chuckled, "God what even is this conversation?"

"It went from Hello Kitty to butt plugs," Harry snorted, shaking his head, "that's so wrong."

"I think there's actually a good few Hello Kitty sex toys out there."

"Ew, Louis," Harry whined, "Hello Kitty is an innocent children's brand. Do you have to say things like that?"

"There are plenty of things that are meant to be innocent but turn sexual."

"Like what?" Harry challenged him with a raised eyebrow.

"Like, you know, there are some friendships that start off innocently but turn into something more," he said, giving Harry a meaningful look.

Harry bit his lip, his heart beating rapidly. "That's not an innocent kids brand," he laughed it off nervously.

Louis looked away, a smile on his face. He shrugged. "It's not but it's still something innocent that can be turned sexual."

Harry looked at the backyard again then, Louis' words and the look hed given replaying in his head. He won't be able to shake that off any time soon.

"Do you wanna eat first then work outside? Dunno about you but I need sustenance."

Harry snorted. He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good."

So they ate at the island, sitting next to each other. Louis kept stealing pieces of cheese off of Harry's plate while Harry whacked his hand away every time he did.

"Sharing is caring, you know?" Louis mumbled, caressing his hand that Harry whacked away.

"I would normally agree but this is too good to share," Harry said honestly.

"I'm flattered. My kids hated my cooking growing up. I was always the stricter parent; making them eat their vegetables and whatnot. Dani spoiled them a lot. He used to be the one that gave them ice cream before supper, sugar before bed--- all that."

There's a nostalgia in his tone as he talked about them. Harry grinned. "That was me too--- like Dani I mean. I was always the fun type of parent, used to make Dylan seem like the bad guy more often than not," he laughed.

"Horrible," Louis tutted, "I do miss that carefree nature about him though."

"You know, given how you are, I never would have thought you'd be the strict parent," Harry said thoughtfully, tilting his head.

"Given how I am?" Louis repeated, "which is what exactly?"

"Like, you know, you're a laid back person and you're fun and spontaneous from what I've seen. I just never would have thought."

"I don't know, I guess that came out of me naturally," he shrugged, "I'm an older brother to six siblings after all."

"Six?" Harry sputtered, "oh my god that's... wow."

"Yeah, growing up, the house was never quiet," Louis chuckled softly, "I always wanted a big family because of that but Dani was never one for kids. It was a miracle he'd agreed to have the twins in the first place."

That's kind of sad. Louis shouldn't have had to settle. Though, now that Harry thought about it, he might have too.

"I've always wanted a big family too," he revealed, realising it himself, "I mean, I only have one sister but I think because of that, I've always wanted, like, five kids."

"Dylan didn't?" Louis asked, raising any eyebrow at him.

"No. He thought two was enough," Harry said quietly.

At the time, financially, Harry had understood. But even when they were at a more stable place, Dylan didn't budge. It didn't make him a horrible person or anything. Just... Harry hadn't realised it until now, for some reason.

"Five kids huh?" Louis said quietly, "think I also wanted about five."

"Yeah? Sounds like a handful though," Harry laughed.

"I would have been more than okay with that," Louis shrugged. "Hey, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Harry nodded. "You can ask me anything," he assured Louis.

"Are any of your girls biologically yours? You don't, like, have to answer or anything. I'm just curious," Louis added the last part quickly.

"Uh, no. We wanted to adopt instead and besides, it was too expensive to go the other way, you know?"

Louis nodded. "Yeah, it was shit expensive for us," he agreed.

"So Drew and your daughter... they're biologically..."

"Mine, yeah," Louis confirmed.

It made sense, now that Harry thought about it. Drew had Louis' eyes, even though they were a different colour.

"Dani... his family has a history of cancer and he'd gotten it before, when he was around thirty but throat cancer, not stomach, so he didn't want to have any kids that were his biologically," Louis explained.

"Oh, I see," Harry said. He understood that. If he were In Daniel's position, he might have made the same decision.

"All right, so what's the verdict on my pie?"

Harry hummed. "It's good. Really good. I'm surprised by your cooking skills--- and baking."

"Why? Because I'm a mechanic?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"No, no," Harry shook his head quickly, "you just don't seem like the type."

Louis gave him a pointed look.

"Okay, anything I say is going to come out wrong," Harry huffed, "let's just leave it at; it's a really good pie and I can't wait to help you with your garden."

Louis snorted. "Right, okay," he stood up, "let me just put our things in the sink. You can head out in the mean time."

"Okay. Do you, um, have any gardening tools or something we can use?"

"There's a small set of things to the side of the house. You can see what's there and if you can use it."

"Thanks," Harry said, standing up too, "which side, exactly?"

"Out the patio," Louis pointed to the sliding doors.

"Okay," Harry mumbled, walking towards the sliding door. He headed out and scanned his surrounding for the gardening tools. He should have brought his own tools, honestly. He hadn't thought it through.

At one lonely corner, Harry spotted the tools, barely anything, maybe about three things. A spade, a trimmer and a weed plucker. It wasn't much but he could make do with it.

Just as he picked up the tools, Louis joined him outside. "Right then, where do we start?"

"Picking out the weeds," Harry grimaced, looking at the accumulation of weeds around the yard. 

They got to work on their knees, picking out the weeds. Some were harder to remove than others. The one good thing about the garden was that the grass seemed cut already, even if the job was haphazard.

"Did you mow your lawn?" Harry asked.

"Uh, yeah, asked Drew to help me out but he was just as hopeless as me so I'm afraid it's not the best job."

"It's fine. It's good," Harry grinned, "I did bring some flower seeds to plant. So I'm going to do that. You need to water them though, almost daily. Can you do that?"

"Harry, I have two kids, love," he said flatly.

"Right. Okay," Harry flushed, "well, just that you're in your old age now and all so I had to..."

Louis gaped at him, mirth swimming in his blue eyes.

"You are barely three years younger than me," Louis said.

Harry shrugged. "Still younger than you," he mumbled.

He turned his back to Louis and Louis doesn't say anything. For a moment, he was worried he'd offended Louis. He was just going to turn around and apologise to him when a cold spray hit the back of his shirt, soaking it. He yelped, whipping around to see Louis holding a hose pipe and smirking at him.

Harry narrowed his eyes. "You wet my shirt," he said in disbelief.

"You called me old," Louis countered, still smirking at him.

Harry rolled his eyes, getting onto his feet again. "Fine, give me the hose pipe," he stepped closer.

"No," Louis stepped back.

"Hey, it's only fair that I spray you back."

"Absolutely not. Now we're even," Louis said, walking backwards, "and I'm going to put this away."

"Fine, don't put it away though. I need to use it after I plant the seeds."

Louis stared at him suspiciously.

"I'm only going to use it for the flowers," Harry held up his hands, "but I'm going to need to change my shirt first."

"Fine," he relented, "but I have my eye on you."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"I'll go inside and get you a shirt to wear," Louis said, dropping the hose down, "I'm watching you."

Harry shook his head. Louis walked back inside carefully, keeping an eye on Harry as he did so.

Once he was inside and heading up the stairs, Harry made a run for the hose pipe, picking it off the ground. As soon as he got it secured in his hands, Louis opened the sliding door. Harry turned on the pipe and sprayed it over Louis' front, soaking not only his own shirt but the one he brought out for Harry _and_ his face too.

Harry covered his mouth, hiding a laugh at Louis' expression, his hair wet, water dripping onto the ground.

"Fine," Louis threw the shirt he held down onto the ground and stomped to the side of the house but out of Harrys vision. Briefly, Harry felt worried that he'd gone too far. But then he brought out another fucking hose pipe, connecting it to the tap on the other side and before Harry even knew it, he was being sprayed on again, this time over his front and Louis was just walking closer.

Harry yelped. "Oh my god, _Louis_."

"You started it," Louis cackled.

"I did not," Harry ignored the way his face felt icy and turned on his again, while Louis tried to duck the cold water.

Needless to say, Harry felt like a five-year-old after that, chasing around Louis and Louis chasing him, trying to wet each other--- in an innocent way, of course.

It became not-so-innocent when they'd eventually gone inside to dry off. It wasn't the smartest thing, considering the fact that it was getting colder by the day, especially in the afternoons, so Harry was shaking as he dried off.

"Do you want to maybe have a shower? You're shivering like a Chihuahua."

Harry chuckled softly. "Um, I don't know---"

"Don't worry about the clothes or whatever. I'll lend you something and you can give it back whenever. I'll put your wet things into the dryer."

Harry bit his lip, unsure. "I don't want to intrude or anything."

Louis rolled his eyes. "You won't intrude, love. I'm telling you to," he insisted softly.

Harry swallowed. "O-okay."

"You can use mine or the spare bathroom. You pick," Louis gestured to the stairs.

"I'll use the spare one, don't worry."

"Okay, I'll give you some towels and some clothes for you to wear."

"Thank you," Harry said, following him upstairs.

Louis grabbed two towels from the linen cupboard and handed it to Harry. "I'll get something for you to wear."

Harry nodded, waiting outside the bathroom for Louis to come back. He brought Harry a pair of joggers and a hoodie with some socks and a new packet of underwear too.

Harry blushed. "You didn't have to give me underwear."

"It's no problem. It's new, so as long as you don't mind."

"Okay, yeah," Harry nodded. The idea of free-balling in someone else's joggers wasn't appealing nor did it seem right.

"Great. I'm going to shower too but, uh, shout if you need me?"

"I will. Thanks again," Harry smiled gratefully.

Louis smiled back before walking into his room and shutting the door. Harry smiled as he went into the bathroom, feeling a little out of place but also so... youthful. It had been a really long time that he'd felt such a jovial kind of happiness.

It was fun. Even if he hadn't helped much with garden--- not as much as he thought he would. Harry stripped down out of his sticky, cold clothing and placed them near the sink.

The shower was wonderfully warm, hitting his skin, creating goosebumps over his arms. He washed his face and his hair but as quickly as possible. He didn't want to be too long and waste the water in someone else's home. He had a habit of taking too long showers.

A few minutes later, he was dressed in warmer clothing, feeling much better, still happy and lighter. He just need his face cream because he felt dry and uncomfortable. It was the worst feeling.

Harry took the wet clothing out of the bathroom, walking down the stairs, surprised to see Louis already in the lounge, starting a fire, dressed in the same thing as Harry, essentially.

He smiled at Harry. "Shower feel good?"

Harry nodded. "Thanks a lot. I, Uh, have the wet stuff here."

"Great, I'll put it in the dryer. Come warm up a little bit," Louis said, grabbing the clothes from Harry's hands.

"Thank you," Harry said again before walking to the fire and holding out his hands, warming them up. It was much darker outside now and Harry knew he needed to head home now, get some supper started.

When Louis came back, he sat down next to Harry, warming himself up too. "Sit," Louis said, looking up at Harry.

Harry bit his lip in contemplation before sitting down too. It was much better like this; he could feel the warmth everywhere instead of just his hands.

"That was fun," Louis said after a little bit of silence.

"It was," Harry smiled, looking at him, "thanks for that. I think I needed it."

"I think I did too," Louis said quietly.

"Um, sorry I didn't really help with your garden much," Harry chuckled.

Louis shook his head. "It's fine, it already looks much better. Just very wet."

Harry snorted. "Not a bad thing."

"Definitely not. You look cute when you're wet."

Harry sucked in a breath. He remembered then about how Louis tried to ask him out on a date. Or, well, that was what it seemed like, at least. He was more... flirty, ever since then.

"Sorry, uh, that kind of sounded weird," Louis laughed awkwardly, "forget I said that."

"No, it's all right," Harry said genuinely, "you... did too."

Louis raised his brows, surprised. "Thanks..."

"You're welcome," Harry looked away, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Was he flirting back? Did he want to flirt back? He had a crush on Louis... Zayn and Liam were right about that much. An attraction, was what he called it. But he was just counting on it to go away, not act on it.

Harry flinched, surprised out of his thoughts when Louis' finger wiped his forehead softly. Harry's eyes widened, heart rate increasing.

"Sorry," Louis apologised, retreating his hand, "your forehead was still really wet and it was bothering me."

"Oh," Harry gulped. Unconsciously, Harry leaned forward because Louis did too. It was when their foreheads touched and he could feel Louis' breath over his lips that he pulled away quickly and jumped onto his feet.

Louis stared at him, startled.

"Sorry, I'm just--- I, uh, I should go," Harry stammered, walking to get his shoes and slipping them on, despite it being slightly wet, "Thank you for everything," he still spoke, even though he was having an internal crisis.

"Harry," Louis touched his arm. Harry flinched again, moving away.

"Sorry," Harry winced, "I just--- I really need to go."

"Are you sure? You don't--- you can wait a little bit. You didn't have dessert."

"I'm sure. Thank you again," Harry grabbed his keys and opened the door. He walked out without looking back at Louis and speed-walked towards his car. He started it with a shaky hand and pulled out the driveway.

He took deep breaths as he drove back home, trying to clam himself down. They'd almost kissed. Holy fuck. They haven't even known each other for a long time. Well, that and the fact that his husband had only passed away a few months ago. This wasn't right.

He could have a crush--- an _attraction_ \--- but doing something with someone else--- it was wrong. It would seem like he didn't even care about his husband. And he did. God, he did. He loved him for God's sake.

The only thing worrying him was why Louis didn't seem to be panicking about it the way Harry was. He'd also just lost a husband and he was ready to kiss Harry only a few months later. Did he not feel... guilty? From the way he spoke about Daniel, Harry knew they'd had a good relationship.

So how was being attracted to Harry (evidently) not freaking him out? Well, from what Harry had seen at least, it didn't seem like he was at all.

He was overthinking it but how could he not? He was panicking. For God's sake, the last time he'd kissed someone was the day his husband has left for work before he got into an accident so there was that.

When he got home, he went straight to his room and stripped out of Louis' clothes and into something of his own, along with an old jumper of Dylan's that he hadn't thrown out.

He took a few deep breaths, laying down and getting into the blanket. When he turned to the side, the first thing he saw was a photo of him and Dylan. One from their wedding. They looked so happy, facing the camera with big smiles and holding each other close.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, the guilt churning in his stomach and causing a lump in his throat. With a sigh, he turned around and curled in on himself, willing himself to go to sleep.

He was dreading the barbeque at Louis' tomorrow.

*

He considered not going but then he remembered that his friends along with Louis' were also going to come so he couldn't just cancel like that. It was an event planned in order to get their own group of friends mingling too, right?

So, all things considered, when Harry did pitch up at Louis' house, he was glad to see another car there already, for one, and second, he was shitting himself and he hadn't even gotten inside yet.

Louis answered the door because of course, its his bloody house. He stared at Harry, a look of uncertainty crossed his features.

"Uh, come in," Louis finally said, stepping aside.

"Thanks," Harry mumbled, "I brought a potato salad."

"Right, well you can put it on the table outside if you'd like," Louis gestured to the patio.

Harry gulped, walking to the sliding doors. The state of the haphazard garden only worsened the panic in his belly.

"Harry, we should talk," Louis said already, just as Harry placed down the dish.

"There's nothing to talk about," Harry shut him down quickly, "nothing happened, yeah? We just--- it was just a weird moment."

Louis frowned, searching Harry's eyes. "Harry," he deadpanned, "look, I know it's not something you want to talk about but we have to. You freaked out badly."

"Yeah, I did," Harry said, sighing in frustration, "what I don't get is why the hell you didn't."

"I mean--- I did? But mostly because you did."

"How do you not feel guilty?" He asked incredulously, "I freaked out because we can't --- it's not right."

Louis sighed. He opened his mouth to reply but they're interrupted by Niall sauntering outside to join them.

"Nice to see you again, Harry," he smiled, pulling Harry in for a hug.

Harry blinked, hugging him back. He'd forgotten that Niall was a hugger.

"You too," Harry said, pulling back and mustering up a smile.

"Come be a good lad and help me out with the barbeque. Louis is useless with this stuff, surprisingly," Niall swung an arm around his shoulders and led him to the other side of the patio. 

Harry watched Louis go back into the house through his peripheral vision. He didn't want to make Louis feel bad or uncomfortable. Or maybe some part of him did.

He was just confused as to how and why that hadn't affected him the way it'd affected Harry--- _affecting_ Harry. It had only been a few months since Dylan. It couldn't be okay to do.

Zayn and Liam found the place easily, greeting Louis and Niall with a smile on their faces and a dessert pie in Zayn's hands.

"Harry," Zayn came to greet him, pulling him in for a hug, "why do you look like you saw a ghost? Is it Liam's new haircut? 'Cause I don't think it's _that_ bad---"

"We almost kissed," Harry blurted out.

Zayn raised an eyebrow at him. "You and... Liam?"

"No," Harry rolled his eyes, "Louis and I."

Before Zayn could gasp properly, Harry grabbed his hand and pulled hin to one side, so that they were out of view from the others.

"You guys kissed?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Almost," Harry corrected, rubbing his forehead.

"Why do you look so worried about it?" Zayn asked, his expression changing from shocked to confused.

"Because we almost kissed," he hissed, "it's ... wrong."

"Okay," Zayn said slowly, "and why is that?"

"Do you not remember our conversation from before? It's not--- I don't feel okay about all of this," Harry huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"H, we told you that we think Louis is a great guy and there's nothing wrong with having a little crush on him," Zayn placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

Harry looked up. "A crush," he repeated, "not fucking kiss him."

"Harry, there's nothing wrong with that," Zayn sighed softly, "we told you to just go with the flow, yeah?"

"Yeah, well, I was supposed to just go help with his garden and then it just... fuck, it just got out of hand," Harry groaned.

"Harry, listen, mate, you didn't even kiss him. Nothing happened. Don't worry about it."

"But it almost did," he reiterated, "and what if it almost happens again?"

Zayn regarded him carefully. "You're freaking out because you wanted it to happen, aren't you?"

Harry inhaled sharply. He looked away quickly, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"H, it's okay," he said softly, "look, no one is going to judge you if you like Louis and want to do something with him--- whatever it may be. We all just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," he insisted, "I'm happy with how things are now. The only thing I would change is having Dylan by my side again."

Zayn nodded. He wanted to say more, Harry could tell, but he didn't. "Okay, I hear you," he squeezed Harrys shoulder, "let's just join everybody again and we can talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

Harry nodded, a little robotically. Zayn led him back to the others where they were already sat down on at an outside dining table and laughing about something.

Louis passed Harry a small smile when Harry sat down. Harry tried his best to return it. It wasn't Louis' fault. They'd both leaned in, it was on both of them.

It was just something about the way he hadn't even reacted or thought it was wrong--- even a little bit--- that bothered Harry.

Louis loved Daniel. Harry knew that. If what they had was real, how could he move on that quickly with someone else?

He wiped it away to the back of his mind for the time being, trying to concentrate on the barbeque and his friends/acquaintances.

It was easier said than done and more than anything, Harry wanted this to be over so he could go home and cry in one of Dylan's old band t-shirts again.

Of course, everyone offered to help Louis clean up before they leave, Harry included.

"Thanks for such a great time," Liam said to Louis as they load the washer.

"Yeah, it was great, mate. You have to send me the recipe for your mashed potatoes," Zayn added with a grin.

"Yeah, no problem," Louis smiled back, "thanks for helping me now."

They made small talk as they clear up. When Liam and Zayn made their move to leave, Harry took it as his cue to do the same, before he got cornered into having an unnecessary conversation with Louis that he knew he did not want to do right now.

He would deal with it eventually. Just not now. He couldn't do it now.

"You're leaving, too?" Louis asked, eyebrows pinched together.

"Uh, yeah, I need to do something for one of my clients," Harry lied smoothly.

"Oh," Louis said. He could probably tell that Harry was lying. Harry hated that he could.

"I'll , um, see you for the next session, yeah?" Harry added because he couldn't leave with Louis looking like that.

Louis nodded, not saying anything else.

Zayn and Liam looked at him from the threshold of the door. Zayn had a knowing look on his face but he looked somewhat disappointed too, whereas Liam looked as confused as ever.

He walked passed them briskly, heading to his car before Zayn stopped him, grabbing his arm.

"You sure you're not going to talk to him now?" Zayn asked.

Harry shook his head. "I'll talk to him later in the week. I just--- I can't do it now."

"Yeah, okay--- hey, slow down. We're going to see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Harry sighed.

"We'll meet you for lunch," Zayn said, giving Harry no room to argue.

Harry nodded.

"Good, take care of yourself," Zayn patted his back and led Liam to their car. Poor Liam still looked so confused.

Harry huffed, getting into his own car and driving off without a second glance. There was still a horrible panic in his chest and he wasn't sure what could make it go away.

*

Harry didn't think he would skip Wednesday's therapy session and he truly didn't mean to. But when Wednesday had come, he found himself not wanting to get out of bed.

He also cancelled on a client for later that day. He couldn't explain what he'd felt. He just didn't feel like doing much on Wednesday.

Come Friday, he was feeling better. Zayn and Liam decided to come over and visit him, bring him some comfort, and of course, interroagte him about Louis.

"I haven't spoken to him yet," Harry informed them. He pushed the ice cream around in his bowl shamefully.

"Harry," Zayn sighed, disappointed.

"I know, I know. I was meant to see him on Wednesday but I wasn't feeling it."

"Did you call him at least?" Liam asked.

"No, he's... um, tried to call me but I," he shrugged, "I didn't answer..."

"Harry."

Harry was tired of hearing that tone from Zayn but he knew he deserved it.

"I know but I will meet him. Soon," he promised, "I just needed some time."

"You have to. He's a great guy, H," Liam said, "and I think he really likes you."

"That's the problem," Harry mumbled, placing the last bit of ice cream left in his bowl to the side.

"It's not a problem unless you make it one," Zayn countered.

Harry scowled at him. "If you had to lose Liam and you were in my position, would you want me to say something like that to you?"

Zayn pursed his lips, sighing. "Okay, fine, I hear you. I just don't want you to lose someone that's become important to you just because you're too stubborn to listen to what you're really feeling."

"Yeah, H, no offense, but we aren't in our twenties anymore, you know? We don't have time to make all those miscommunication mistakes or whatever. I know it's hard. I can see you miss Dylan. But if you and Louis do have something and decide to pursue a relationship, it doesn't erase any of that."

"What would Dylan say?" Zayn added, before Harry could reply, "I know that he'd want you to be happy---"

"We've been through this. I _am_ happy," Harry said again.

"He'd want you to be happy," Zayn started again, "even if it is with someone else."

Harry looked away. He knew that Dylan was someone who put everyone else before himself. He was just like Harry in that sense.

"Hey, if it were Dylan here and you were not with us, wouldn't you want him to move on? Be happy too?"

"I wouldn't be thrilled about it," Harry mumbled, "but I wouldn't want his whole life to stop just because I'm not with him anymore."

Liam and Zayn gave him pointed looks. Harry sighed in defeat.

"Fine, I get it. But I'm still allowed to freak out, okay? The last person I felt _anything_ for was my husband."

"We know. All we're saying is that you tell Louis that too. Then take as much space as you need. Because right now, I'm sure he's worried out of his mind that he's lost a friend, more than anything."

Harry felt guilt bubble in his stomach. "You're right," he muttered, "I've been horrible."

"Not horrible. Just confused," Liam amended with a gentle smile, "but it's okay."

"Yeah, like we said, we know this won't be easy but we---"

Zayn was interrupted by Harrys ringtone. All three of them look at Harry's phone that sat at his feet. Detangling his limbs, Harry picked up the phone.

"It's Louis," he said to them.

"Go and answer it. We'll refresh our drinks," Liam said, already getting up.

Harry nodded earnestly. "Hello?" He answered.

The first thing he heard was a sniffle and immediately, he sat up straight.

"Louis? Louis, are you okay?"

There's no answer, just another sniffle and then;

"You answered," he said, voice croaky.

"I did," Harry winced, "I'm sorry I didn't--- I just needed some time--- are you okay?"

"No," Louis said quietly. Harry's heart clenched.

"What happened?"

"You know how you asked me how I didn't have a breakdown?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I just thought it was an overreaction and then I saw some stuff of Dani and I and I just... I broke down, I guess," he laughed wetly.

"Oh, Louis," Harry said, heart heavy.

"I'm sorry," Louis said before Harry could continue, "I shouldn't have done what I did."

"Louis," Harry shook his head, "look, can I, um, can I come over?"

"What?"

"If you're okay with it, I think I need to talk to you. Face-to-face, if that's okay, again..."

"Uh, yeah, okay. Did you--- um, did you eat?"

Harry grinned to himself. "I ate. Thank you. You should if you haven't."

"I did. Thank you," he cleared his throat.

"Okay," Harry bit his lip, "so, can I see you then?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm at home so, yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few," Harry said before hanging up.

Liam and Zayn look at him expectantly, standing at the edge of the couch. He doesn't even know how long they've been there.

"I'm going to see him," Harry announced, pushing himself off the couch and slipping his shoes on. Slippers should be fine, right?

"Now?" Liam asked, eyebrows pinched together.

"Yeah, he was crying," Harry frowned, "we need to talk properly."

"Okay, well, let us know what happens, yeah?" Zayn said to him.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, guys," Harry gave them both quick pecks on their cheeks before grabbing his keys, "you know your way out," he said before walking out himself and shutting the door.

He's fairly nervous by the time he got to Louis'. He knocked on the door twice, hoping it wasn't too loud but loud enough.

It didn't take long for Louis to open the door, covered in black from head to toe. He was shivering.

"Hi," Harry said, noticing the red on his eyes.

"Hey, get in, would you? Its fucking freezing," Louis said, moving aside.

Harry walked in, engulfing the warmth as the door shut behind him. He should have looked for a place with a fireplace when he and Dylan were looking to buy a new home.

"You didn't have to come," Louis said, making his way back to the lounge. Harry followed him.

"Of course I did," Harry swallowed, nervous as he sat down next to Louis. He kept a respectable amount of distance between them, obviously. He wasn't sure how to do this now, since everything had happened between them.

"You haven't been answering my calls or texts," Louis said quietly, "if I knew that all I had to do was cry..." he laughed, but Harry didn't laugh.

He frowned at Louis. "Lou, I'm really sorry about that. I was just... I was confused and it was so shit."

"What was shit?"

"The feeling," Harry bit his lip.

"Of us almost kissing?"

"Yes--- no--- kind of? It just took me by surprise and it scared me so, um, yeah, scared is the feeling, I suppose."

Louis stared at him. "I kind of got scared too."

"Evidently," Harry mumbled.

Louis gave him a small smile. "You felt like you were betraying Dylan?"

Harry inhaled sharply before nodding slowly.

"I kind of felt like I was betraying Daniel too, but not immediately, like you. With Daniel... we knew he wasn't going to make it for a few months before he passed, you know? And he kept saying that I should find someone else and be happy with them and I just kept thinking, he was talking bullshit. And I truly didn't think anyone could make me that happy again until..."

"Until?" Harry asked, breath caught in his throat.

"Well, you. You just made everything easier and you became a close friend almost instantly. I didn't mean for it to develop into something more--- which I'm sure you've figured out by now that it has--- it just happened."

Harry sighed. He understood that.

"When Dylan died, I didn't expect it. I didn't have time to prepare anything and I'm not--- I'm not saying your experience was easier by any means, it's just different. I didn't get to hear Dylan say that he'd want me to find someone else and move on with them. I didn't expect to either until..."

Louis looked up at him, eyes wide.

Harry sighed again. "Look, I'm not saying we're going to get married tomorrow or some shit like that. But I do really like you. Like-like you.

Louis smiled at that. "I like-like you too."

"I'm sorry I had a breakdown and then ignored you," he grimaced.

"I'm sorry if I pushed you to do something you aren't comfortable with," Louis said.

"It's okay," Harry smiled, "you didn't."

"Now what?" Louis asked.

"I don't know," Harry shrugged, "I'm still scared... I'm confused... I don't want to rush into anything either. I don't even know what 'anything' even is."

"God, me neither,' Louis sighed, " look, we could either pretend that we don't have feelings for each other and put it passed us or we could do something about it."

Harry looked at him carefully. "What do you want to do?"

"What do _you_ want to do?"

Harry rolled his eyes light-heartedly. "I think," he started bashfully, "I think that I would like to see where things go with you."

Louis raised his brows. "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm just--- I'm too old for that whole miscommunication, unrequited love-- feelings--- whatever. If there's anything that I've learnt from being with someone for over twenty years, it's that communication is important so I'm Im here, and I'm telling you now that I do like you and I would like to see where things go with us."

Louis blinked at him for a few seconds. "You think communication is important but you've been ignoring me for almost a whole week?"

There's a small smirk on his face which kind of softens the blow. "Louis," he deadpanned.

Louis huffed. "I would like that too. But I think we're both in really weird places right now."

Harry swallowed. "Yeah... so what do you want?"

"Maybe we should take it slow? I mean you had a breakdown from _almost_ kissing me barely a week ago and now you want to see where this goes, which is fine, but I don't want something like that to happen again to either of us."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, okay, I agree. We can just... we start off with a date maybe?"

"A date," Louis smiled softly at him, "yeah, that sounds good."

"And everything will be at our own pace, yeah?" Harry asked.

Louis nodded. "I think it would be for the best."

"Okay," Harry breathed out, "I--- I can't believe I just said all of that."

"Me neither," Louis breathed out, "is that what being mature feels like?"

Harry huffed out a laugh. "Imagine all the heartbreaks I could have avoided if I could have just communicated that well years ago."

"I wouldn't say that you communicated well. Well, not initially."

"I guess I have to work on that part then, huh?"

Louis smiled softly at him. "Thank you for coming here tonight. I needed it."

"Yeah, of course," Harry shifted a little closer, "can I give you a hug? You look like you need one."

Louis nodded and Harry wasted no more time, embracing him tightly. Louis fell into his arms easily, holding Harry tightly.

"So are you going to tell me what exactly happened?" Harry asked, pulling away slightly.

"Only if you tell me when we're going out on our date."

Harry blushed. "I haven't thought that through."

"Fair enough. Only if you tell me exactly what went through your mind when we almost kissed the other day."

Harry sighed. "Fine," he agreed.

So he told Louis about how guilty hed felt; like he was betraying Dylan, just like what Louis felt now. How he felt that it wasn't time to move on from Dylan so quickly, how worried he was about the fact that he wanted to actually kiss Louis but his mind wouldn't let him.

Louis told him that he felt more or less the same thing, only his reaction was a bit delayed. He said that in the moment, he hadn't thought about anything other than kissing Harry. But after Harry freaked out, it got to his head.

"Sorry," Harry winced.

"No, it's all right. I think it would have come about anyways. It's good that it's out of my system--- somewhat."

Harry bit his lip. "You don't think we're betraying our husbands then? If we go out, start dating or whatever."

Louis gave him a thoughtful look before shaking his head. "Look, I know how much Dylan meant to you and Daniel meant a lot to me too, and god I miss him, but we're allowed to be happy and if that means we do it together, then so be it."

"You think we can be happy together?"

"You already make me pretty happy," Louis said nonchalantly. Harry didn't understand how because his heart was swooning.

"You make me happy too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean, I wasn't like, unhappy before. But I sort of forgot what it was like to feel this sort of happiness... the kind that's like..."

"Consuming? You can't help but feel it?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah," he said, "are you sure you're okay now, Lou?"

Louis grinned. "I'm fine. Do you... do you think it's a good idea to be going out on a date if we're both in not-so-good places emotionally?" He laughed.

"Well, if you think about it, there's always going to be times where we're not going to be okay emotionally but it doesn't change the fact that I like you."

"And I like you," Louis added.

Harry smiled. "And we're going to take it slow, yeah? I think--- I think we need to take it slow."

Louis nodded. "Okay, yeah. Let's just decide on where to go for a date. What do you say?"

Harry smiled. "Okay," he let out a breath, "one step at a time."

"One step at a time," Louis repeated, holding out his hand.

Harry cupped their hands together, embracing the warmth. He was scared and nervous but most of all, for the first time in a long time, he was excited.

*

"You're what?" Zayn hissed, eyes wide.

"I know. Is it... do you think its too soon? Too much? I just... I kept thinking about what you and Li said and then I saw him and it just... it came out. I was so tired of fighting things and pushing them away."

"H," Zayn squeezed his hand, "I think this is great. Li and I could see how much you like him, you know?"

"Thank you," Harry smiled gratefully, "we agreed to take it slow though... at our own pace."

"Good. Yeah, that's great. I'm Im really happy for you. Louis is a really great guy."

"Thanks, yeah, he is," Harry agreed immediately.

"Where are you guys going for a first date then?"

"Well, I couldn't really decide so Louis offered to take the reigns on this one and I can plan the next one."

"Indecisive I'm not surprised," Zayn rolled his eyes, "either way, this is great and I'm sure your date will go well."

"I hope so," he sipped his tea, "I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?"

Zayn tilted his head. "I think you know the answer to that already, Harry."

"I do," he admitted with a defeated sigh, "I keep thinking about, like, my kids and my mum and my mother-in-law--- god, I haven't even spoken to her in a few weeks."

"Harry, what you do with your life is only your business, and nobody else's, okay? Besides, you're only going out on date, for Pete's sake, not marrying him."

"You're right, I know you are. I can't help but think about them too though, you know? It's become a habit to put my family before anything else. On top of Dylan is the kids and in-laws so..."

"I can tell you for sure, like Li and I already said, Dylan would only want you to be happy. And it's just about you and Louis for now. You can worry about the rest later."

Harry nodded. He had a habit to overthink so for once, he was just going into this without worrying about every nitty gritty detail. 

For their date, Louis picked him up. They drove to an area Harry wasn't familiar with per se.

"If you love hot chocolate, I think this place's hot chocolate will blow your mind," he'd said to Harry.

"Better than _Bloom's_?" Harry askes curiously.

"Only slightly," he winked.

"Howcome you didn't mention it before?" Harry asked.

"Only recently found the place, coming to fix a guys' car," he explained.

Harry nodded, curious to know what it tasted like now. It was a cosy-looking place that was tucked between a bookstore and a barbers shop. The sign outside was a faded gold that read, _Mystique._

Inside looked even better, the decor leaning towards a more boho sort of look. They got a table in a corner, that Harry immediately liked because it felt warm and cosy inside the booth. Plus, they slid closer to one another too.

They ordered the famous hot chocolate--- of which they had a numerous amount of varities--- and Louis ordered a box of chocolates.

"Chocolates and hot chocolate?" Harry asked curiously.

"It's a mystery box of chocolates," Louis said with a grin.

"Which means what exactly?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"There's twelve chocolates in the box and you have to guess each flavour because there isn't a card or anything that has the flavours printed."

"Living life on edge, I see," Harry said dryly but was excited anyways.

"Oh, hush. You'll love it," Louis said confidently, waving him off.

Their hot chocolates were in fact delicious. They'd definitely given _Blooms_ a run for their money. It was creamy and rich and utterly delightful.

And in Louis' opinion, they didn't have marshmallows on them which was a plus for him. Harry grimaced at him but didn't say anything else. He would cure Louis' distaste for marshmallows with his chocolate marshmallow pie one of these days. He was sure of it.

The chocolates on the other hand were another experience. They looked pretty, all decorated and placed neatly into the box but Louis said that looks were deceiving.

"Okay, you go first," Louis said, pushing the box towards Harry.

Harry bit his lip, looking down. He picked out one that had a flower decorated on top of it, in a pretty white colour.

He plopped the whole thing into his mouth and instantly regretted that decision when the horrible taste hit his tongue.

Louis barked out a laugh upon seeing his facial expression. "I'm guessing its horrible."

Harry nodded, reluctantly swallowing it because he didn't want be rude nor did he want to embarass himself by spitting it out.

"What flavour was it?" Louis asked.

"Like, fucking, jasmine or something, I swear."

Louis chuckled. "Flower type of jasmine?"

"No the princess," Harry rolled his eyes then scrunched up his nose, "that didn't sound right."

Louis shook his head. "This is why I ordered another round of hot chocolate."

Harry hummed, sipping his to get rid of the flavour lingering in his mouth.

"Your turn," Harry said, pushing the box towards Louis this time.

Louis rubbed his hands together, letting out a breath before picking out a round one, with a gold paper on top of it. He chewed on it thoughtfully then nodded with a smile on his face.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"It's filled with, like, a dark choocolate ganache or summat," he swallowed.

Harry pouted. "Why did you get a good one?"

"Because I'm lucky like that," Louis shrugged, "now come on, try another."

The next one is much more pleasant than the last. Harry grinned.

"Turkish delight," he said, watching Louis grimace. "Don't tell me you hate turkish delight too."

"It's horrendous," Louis said flatly, "you have abysmal taste."

"Hey now, don't say that. I did agree to go out with you, didn't I?" He said cheekily.

Louis laughed. "Fair enough. You have good taste in everything other than food."

Harry rolled his eyes. Louis tried another chocolate. His luck had apparently run out because he looked close to spitting it out.

Harry giggled. "What is it?"

"Fucking orange or some shit like that," Louis shook his head and sipped his hot chocolate.

"You don't like orange and chocolate?" Harry asked with a gasp.

"Oh god," Louis groaned, "of course you like that too."

"It's a match made in heaven. You're the one with bad taste," he said indignantly.

"Probably shouldn't have asked you out then, huh?"

Harry flushed. "Shut up," he mumbled, grabbing another chocolate.

Three hot chocolates and six chocolates each, Harry was stuffed. His mouth felt too sweet but he also liked the feeling. He had a sweet tooth after all.

Apparently Louis didn't because he stopped at a Mcdonalds to get some chips before heading home. They shared the box of chips in silence, the air comfortable between them until Louis spoke again.

"Did you have a good time tonight? I know it wasn't all that but," he shrugged.

"I really did," Harry said honestly, "I, um always have a good time with you," he admitted, cheeks hot, "even if I do end up with a dozen cavities after tonight."

Louis chuckled lowly. "Well, I'm glad you had a good time anyway. I, um, I have a great time with you too."

Harry felt ridiculous, blushing like a school girl in the passenger seat. When they stopped outside of Harry's place, he turned to Louis.

"Do I get to take you out next time then?" He asked.

"Yeah. Looking forward to that. Good luck beating my mystery chocolate."

Harry laughed, shaking his head. "I'll try my best to."

"Deal," Louis said softly, "um, do you want me to walk you up? Sorry I'm even asking, I just... am not sure to be completely honest with you."

Harry found it adorable, the way he blushed. He shook his head with a polite smile. "I think I'll manage."

"Good, I'll see you soon then?"

"Our next date, yeah."

"Cool," Louis grinned a little nervously. Harry kissed his cheek without thinking twice.

"Night, Lou," he said before getting out the car. Louis' pink cheeks making him grin all the way up to his flat.

* 

Their second date, was planned by Harry where he wooed Louis with his decadent trio of desserts at the end of the day back at his place.

Dark chocolate mousse, a mini baked cheesecake and lastly, a mini apple tart. Louis didn't want to move after he finished, moaning about being too full. Harry was seconds away from offering him to stay. He had enough room after all. But he realised that their dynamic had changed now that they'd agreed to date.

It wouldn't be a harmless offer to stay at a friend's, it would seem... presumptuous. And they agreed to take things slow.

So slow, in fact, that they still hadnt kissed yet. Not even after their third date or the date after that.

This was their fourth date now and Harry found that he couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't bothering him per se. He was just curious as to why they hadn't yet.

Sure, they're taking it slow but it's uts been four dates already. Surely that was slow enough... right?

Maybe Louis wanted to wait longer. Which was fine. Hell, they were both in weird places in terms of dealing with their ex-partners deaths. He wouldn't blame him.

Even Harry felt confused every now and then. He'd been trying not to let the guilt get to him because he wasn't doing anything wrong. He wasn't.

And Liam and Zayn made sure to remind him that too. They, on the other hand, were thrilled about Louis and Harry getting together--- somewhat.

Harry had to remind them that they weren't techincally anything yet. They're taking baby steps.

As far as Liam was concerned, they were as good and boyfriends though.

Harry wasn't sure why the thought made him blush so much. It was ridiculous. It was like he was back in school and he'd found out his crush liked him back.

The situation was more or less the same but he wasn't in school anymore for sure. Even if he did act like it.

"I admire you, you know?" Louis said, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"What?" Harry asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"You came to an amusement park for our date today. I didn't think you'd be the type."

"But--- you said we're going to one for our date today. I couldn't exactly say no, could I?"

"Love, I asked if you'd be fine with it."

The pet name hit differently now.

"Well, I didn't want to seem lame and say that I hate rollercoasters," he mumbled.

"You hate rollercoasters?" Louis stopped in his tracks, gaping at him.

"Yeah, but I'm willing to try some and there's other rides too," Harry tried.

Louis sighed. "Fine. You better not throw up though. We're already middle-aged men at an amusement park, we don't need people looking at us for another reason."

"I can't promise that," Harry grimaced.

"Harry," he whined, sounding like a child.

"Okay, fine. But no rides that spin."

"I thought you just hated rollercoasters?" Louis raised a brow at him.

"And rides that spin," Harry rolled his eyes, "now come on before I change my mind."

Louis convinced him to go on two rollercoasters. The first one wasn't too bad but he still hated it. He just hated the feeling afterwards--- like he couldn't see or stand straight. And he'd always felt it, no matter his age.

He remembered going on one for the first time after he'd turned thirteen and he immediately threw up, right as he got off the ride. That didn't pan out well with his friends who'd made fun of him then.

He hadn't met anyone that hated rollercoasters as much as he did until he'd met Dylan. Needless to say, when their girls wanted to go to amusement parks, they dreaded who would be the one to take them on all the rides.

After the second one, Harry said he needed a breather. They'd only been on three rides in total but Harry already wanted to go home. He just hated it.

"Are you okay, love?" Louis asked, rubbing his back as he leaned against a wall.

Harry hummed weakly. "Fine," he said.

"Shit, babe, if I knew you'd get like this..." Louis sighed, surprsing Harry by placing a kiss on his head.

Harry controlled his breathing before standing up straight. He turned to face Louis, this time leaning back against the wall.

"Do you need to throw up?" Louis asked, looking so concerned that Harry just wanted to kiss him for being so sweet.

"I'm kind of counting on not throwing up today," he admitted on a bout of bravery.

Louis raised a brow. "Oh?"

"Yeah," he bit his lip.

Louis smirked. "So what are you waiting for then?"

Harry laughed. "Could you at least come closer?"

Louis looked down, closing the distance between them with a few steps. They met halfway, their lips meeting softly, timidly. It was ... exciting and his stomach turned but in a good way this time. 

They didn't go any further than a fierce kiss. Just moving briefly against each other. Louis was the one to pull back, looking at Harry with hooded eyes, silver strands of hair glistening in the sun.

"Good? Not gonna run away are you?" Louis asked.

Harry chuckled. "Not this time. No." To prove his point, he held out his hand. Louis grabbed it, intertwining their fingers.

"Hey, how about we go on one last one but this time you hold my hand?" Louis suggested.

Harry let out a heavy exhale. "Lou..."

"Come on, try it. Then we can get something to eat and head home."

Harry bit his lip in contemplation before finally agreeing with a hesitant nod. Louis cheered in delight. He led Harry to the one closest to them, hands intertwined.

This time, when Harry came off the ride, he found that he actually didn't hate it.


	4. 4

"You look better... happy," Gemma said, tilting her head, eyes narrowed curiously at him.

Harry shrugged, hiding his smile behind his mug. "I am."

"Wanna tell me why?" She probed.

Harry bit his lip. She was right. He was doing better and he was happy, very much so. Things were going well, he would say. Well, he wouldn't want to jinx it but it was the truth. Work was better. He was a little busier because it was towards the end of the year now, but he liked doing his work with his clients and he hadn't had any bad ones recently.

And there was also Louis. Harry grinned to himself. Things were going well with Louis.

"What are you smiling like that about?" She asked.

Harry sighed. "Okay, I'll tell you but you have to promise not to freak out."

Truthfully, he wasn't sure if she would freak out because she was happy or because she would think he was mad for going out with someone so soon after Dylan. After all, her and Dylan were as thick as thieves.

"Okay," she agreed slowly.

"Um, I've sort of started seeing someone," Harry said, chewing on his lip, waiting for her reaction.

She looked surprised, blinking at him. "Oh, uh, wow. I did not expect that."

"I know it's a bit sudden... but," he shrugged, "I really like him."

"Well, that's great, I guess."

Harry frowned. "You guess?"

"I'm not--- I'm just surprised? Like, after Dylan you were so distraught, Harry. I didn't think you'd even consider going out with someone else."

Harry sighed. Every now and then, there would be a bubble of guilt that turned his stomach about Dylan but he'd gotten better at trying not to let it get to him. "I didn't think I would. It just kind of happened."

"Okay," she looked at him. Harry could tell that she didn't know what to say.

"You don't have to like it," he mumbled, disappointment settling in his gut, "I get it. I wasn't dealing with the fact that I like someone who wasn't Dylan either."

"No, H," she sighed, "like I said, I'm just surprised. Does, um, mum know?"

Harry shook his head. "I plan on telling her soon though. Was going to do it with you but I guess you know first now."

"Right," she said, taking a sip of her coffee and looking down, "so, I'm guessing the girls don't know either."

Harry shook his head again. "I will tell them... soon. I don't think they'll be too thrilled about it, if I'm being honest."

"You never know," she tried with a smile.

But he knew that she knew that too; they would not be too happy about him seeing someone that wasn't their father. Hell, they'd asked him if he would ever date again a few months ago and he immediately turned the idea down, telling them that he was too old for that sort of thing and that he's already found his soulmate in Dylan so he didn't find the need to go out with someone else and look for what he already had. They were beyond relieved about it, going on about how sweet it was that their dads were soulmates and only made for each other.

And there was that bubble of guilt again.

"Who is this guy anyway?" Gemma asked.

"His name is Louis. I met him at group therapy. I think I mentioned him before to you."

"I think you did. Did he...uh, did he lose someone too?" She asked softly.

"Yeah, his husband too," Harry said, "only a few weeks or so before Dylan, actually."

"Wow," she whispered, "well, I mean, it seems like he's making you happy which is really great."

"It is and we've both been through similar things, you know? We get each other and we're taking things slow. I like what we have," he said, a fierce edge to his voice.

She smiled. "That's good. I would love to meet him soon. You could invite him over for Christmas?"

"No," Harry said instantly, "with you, mum there," he shook his head, "it would be too much. Besides, he'll be spending it with his own family."

"He has kids too?"

"Yeah, two. Twins."

"And do they know about you two?"

"No, as far as I know, they don't. We agreed to wait a bit before telling our kids."

"Right," she nodded, "taking it slow and all."

"Yeah, we're seeing where this goes but I --- I really do like him."

"So you've said," she sipped her drink again, mirth in her eyes, "maybe I'll pop in for a visit after the new year then, and meet him."

"Yeah, I'd like that," he said honestly. "I still miss Dylan, you know? He was--- he was the love of my life but I--- this, what I have with Louis, it's real and so good and I know it sounds crazy but--- but I think I could fall in love with him too. And I feel horrible about it because it's like... I technically never ended Dylan and mine's relationship, you know? He was just taken away from me and I wasn't ready."

Gemma gave him a sad look. "Harry, it's okay. I know you weren't. We're never ready to lose the people we love and you dating Louis, having feelings for him or loving him--- whatever it may be--- doesn't erase anything you felt for Dylan. And I'm sure Dylan knows that too."

"You really think so?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, I do," she said confidently, "he would want you to be happy, H, and you clearly are."

"Zayn and Liam said the same thing," he muttered.

"So they know," she glared at him, "and I'm not surprised; those two are love gurus."

"They're not," Harry rolled his eyes, "they set up two couples, that's it."

"With you that makes three," Gemma smirked.

Harry blushed, rolling his eyes half-heartedly.

"Hey," she said seriously, "have you been feeling all guilty and stuff for a while now?"

"Um, it's gotten better. It was bad before we actually started dating. We'd almost kissed and I freaked out about it but then we spoke and we agreed to take it slow, go on a date or two and see how it goes. I think taking it slow is really helping. Nothing feels rushed and there's no pressure on either of us. We've both been through similar things and so I think that also plays a big part in why it's working well with us so far. We understand and respect each other's boundaries."

"By boundaries, you mean?"

"Like, with our families knowing, kissing, holding hands, other intimate stuff..."

"Oh," she seemed amused, "so you guys haven't fucked yet?"

" _Gemma_ ," he hissed, scolding her, "Jesus, you're fifty."

"So what? I'm not gonna call it _making love_ ," she mocked, "and you more or less answered my question anyways."

"No, we didn't... do anything sexual, " he answered.

They hadn't gone further than heated makeout sessions and Harry was fine with that. It was comfortable and they were having fun. They didn't need to have sex to do that.

"And how long have you been dating?"

"We started going out about a month ago, so, one month?"

"All right, then the no sex thing is not too bad. Do you think you will have sex with him though?"

Harry's cheeks went warmer. "Gemma, god, I don't know. We're just... we're going with the flow, okay? Now can we stop talking about that and do what we came here to do?"

"Fine, fine," she sighed, "so, I'm fifty, but we aren't making a big hoopla out of it, okay?"

Harry pouted. "But party planning is my thing. I could do---"

"No, absolutely no party. I do not want to celebrate a fiftieth."

Harry huffed. "Fine. You're no fun. I guess I'll just have to plan Louis'."

He wasn't even sure if Louis wanted a party and, if he was having one, would he want Harry to be there with him or would he just spend it with his family?

"He's going to be fifty too?" She asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, he's old too," he smirked.

Gemma rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Go plan your boyfriend's birthday party. Wait--- his birthday is when?"

"Christmas Eve."

"Oh," she grimaced, "and do you want to spend it with him?"

"I want to," he admitted, chewing on his lip, "I want to do something for him, even though it's last minute. I think he deserves it. I just don't know if he's going to be with his family or not yet."

"Right. Well, I hope it works out then. Also, good luck telling mum," she smiled smugly.

Harry groaned. He definitely felt lile he was a teenager again, scared to tell his mum about this new boyfriend of his. Well, not boyfriend--- not yet? Maybe they should have that conversation soon.

Harry and Gemma finished up around an hour later, Harry a little tipsy as he made his way home. It was fine. The distance between where he'd met her and his flat was not that much.

He was too tired to do anything else so he collapsed onto his bed and pulled out his phone. He had it on silent the whole time he was out with his sister so there were a few unread messages.

One from Zayn, one from an old client, a few emails and, most importantly, unread messages from Louis. Not just one. Not even two. Three messages.

Harry grinned like an idiot down at his phone, leaning up on his elbows. His smile widened as he read the messages.

_Hey, love._ _Haven't_ _spoken to all day. Just wanted to tell you that_ _I_ _hope you have a good day out with your sister and wish her from me._

_Oh shit wait does she know about me? Well either way just say that I did. Tell her_ _I'm_ _your special friend lol_

_Okay wait_ _don't_ _say that. That sounds weird. Just have a good time, love. Talk to you tomorrow x_

Harry's heart just... swooned. He clicked on the call button next his name and turned onto his back, waiting for Louis to answer.

"Harry?"

"Hi, Lou," he beamed to himself just because.

"Hey, love. How are you doing? How was your sister?"

"She's okay. In denial that she's getting old," Harry snorted.

"So, me, basically."

Harry huffed out a laugh. "Worse than you," he said, "I, um, got your messages."

"Oh," Louis cleared his throat, "so you mentioned me then?"

"I did," Harry fell quiet for a bit, fiddling with his shirt, "I told her that you and I are... you know... dating and stuff."

Saying it out loud felt weird, especially to Louis.

"You did?" Harry could hear the smile in his voice. "What did you say, exactly?"

"Nothing much, like, just that we're seeing each other and that I--- I really like you."

If Harry didn't have three cocktails in him, he would not be saying that.

"Oh you did? And what did she say?"

"Just asked about you and if I'm happy, all that. I was kind of scared, in a way, to tell her, 'cause she's always been close to Dylan so I didn't didnt think she'd take it well. Not that--- I mean, she's not like bad with that stuff or something---"

"I know, I know. As long as she doesn't hate me..."

"She wouldn't," Harry said confidently.

"Well, I'm, um, glad you told her. Thank you, I think."

"You think?"

"No, I just. I didn't know you were going to, that's all."

"Oh, no I'm sorry. I didn't really decide beforehand, it just happened," Harry said quickly.

"Baby, it's okay," Louis laughed. Harrys stomach fluttered at the petname. "Um, I wanted to tell my sisters too. Soon."

"I'm still sorry. Should have discussed it with you first."

"It's okay. Did you tell anyone else? Like besides her and Liam and Zayn."

"No but I wanna tell my mum soon too. Is that--- is that okay? I was thinking maybe Christmas time."

"Oh wow. Okay. Uh, maybe I'll Ill tell my sisters then too."

"Oh, you're seeing them for Christmas?"

"Yeah, my sister is hosting at her place so the kids and I are gonna go there. Next year is my turn so, god help me with that but, um, yeah. Are you spending it with your girls?"

"Yeah, at my mum's like always. They're excited but it's gonna be weird. First Christmas without, um, Dylan."

"I know, I was thinking the same thing. It's going to be a weird one for sure."

"Hey, are you spending your birthday with your kids or family?"

"Um, no, actually. Drew is going to spend the day with his girlfriend since they'll be spending Christmas apart and my daughter can't get off until after Christmas so, just me."

"And me," Harry added happily, "I'll spend it with you. If you---if you want me to, I mean."

"Of course I do, you bum. I'd love that. I just didn't want to pressure you or anything. I didn't know whether you're going to be with your family or not."

"No, the girls are going to be spending a few days with their gran--- Dylan's mum--- before coming home."

"I see. And you're not going to?" Louis asked, prying but in a gentle manner.

Harry smiled fondly. "I would have loved to but I'm actually planning a party for the twenty third and twentieth so it wouldnt make sense to go after that."

"Hmm, well, we'll have each other then. You're the not the worst company, so you'll do, I suppose."

" _Hey_ ," Harry drawls out, "that's so mean."

Louis chuckled. "You're pouting arent you?"

"No," Harry denied, still pouting.

"Hey, can I say something that may or may not be appropriate?"

"Absolutely," Harrys ears perked.

"I really want to kiss you. I miss kissing you and it's only been a day."

Harrys cheeks go unbearably warm. "I do too," he said quietly, "you can wait a day though," he added cheekily.

"You would think," Louis huffed, "can I see you tomorrow for lunch? I'll make something."

"As long as we get to cuddle in front of that fireplace of yours."

"Of course."

Harry smiled. It was crazy how comfortable he'd felt with Louis already. Everything was starting to come so easily for them. It was still scary but the more days that passed, the more comfortable Harry would feel with Louis and the more the fear would turn into excitement.

*

For Louis' birthday, it ended up truly just being the two of them. It was perfect though. Harry loved spending time with Louis.

They drunk red wine until their lips and teeth stained red, ate until they had to unbutton their pants and kissed until Harrys tongue felt numb.

"We have a problem," Louis pulled away from him, looking pink all over.

"What?" Harry asked, still dazed.

"The heel of your foot is pressing into my kidney and now I need to pee," Louis said with a grimace.

Harry barked out a laugh, letting go of him. Louis pulled back, grinning. "Sorry," he apologised, watching Louis get up.

"It's all right, baby. Stay down, I'm just going to pee."

Harry sighed, laying down again. "Fine don't be long then."

"Okay, boss," Louis kissed his cheek before running towards the guest bathroom.

Harry's head hit the pillow again. He let out an exhale, unable to fight the grin taking over. He just couldn't help it. He was so _happy_.

He wouldn't even need the wine tonight to be so giddy. It was like he was seventeen again and everything about this was exciting and new, even though it was a little scary at first.

His eyes were closed by the time Louis came back to him so it took him by surprise when he felt a wet kiss to his cheek.

He yelped, turning away as Louis hovered over him again. Louis had a grin as big as Harry's when Harry looked up at him.

"What were you smiling about?" He asked Harry.

Harry shrugged, throwing his arms around Louis' neck. "Just happy," he admitted.

Louis' face went soft, leaning down to kiss Harry gently, their lips moving in sync. He pulled away. "I'm happy too," he said, "and, um, I know it gets a little difficult sometimes, with you missing Dylan and me missing Daniel but I really think that we're working well together."

Harry nodded. "I think so too. I like the way we're doing things."

"Me too," he placed more of his weight onto Harry, kissing him again, this time moving his body forward too, hips rutting onto Harry's thigh.

Harry let out a surprised gasp, then a moan when he did it again. Louis' mouth met his neck when Harry's head turned to the side. Harry whimpered softly as Louis sucked the skin underneath his ear.

Harry could feel Louis' half-hard cock strained in his trousers. He bit his lip, his own cock throbbing, getting harder by the second.

"Harry," he pulled away from his neck to look down at him, "do you... um, do you want to...?"

Harry took deep breaths. He bit his bottom lip nervously. Slowly, he shook his head. "I--- I'm sorry. Not yet. I just--- not right now but I do want to."

Louis nodded. "Okay. Okay, that's fine. Same here, I think."

"Really?" Harry asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, if you'd said yes, I... maybe would have tried because I _do_ want to but also, I'm glad we decided to wait a bit."

Harry nodded too, understanding where hed come from. "Okay, then we should probably cool off, yeah? I'll --- I'll go make us some hot chocolate?"

Louis agreed, lifting himself off of Harry. As Harry got up, Louis stopped him. "I got those mini marshmallows you like; it's in the top cabinet, over the sink."

Harry's heart grew about double the size. He was so touched by that. He knew Louis hated those so that meant he bought it specifically for Harry.

"Thank you," was all he'd managed to choke out. "I--- wow, you didn't have to, you know?"

Louis flushed. He smiled sheepishly, shrugging. "I just saw them and knew you would like them." 

Harry turned around to face him, pulling him for a short, sweet kiss. "Thank you," he said softly, pulling away.

"It's only mini marshmallows, love," Louis chuckled, resting his hands on Harry's hips.

"I know but still," he placed a kiss on his nose, surprising himself at the gesture, before turning around to head to the kitchen with that huge grin on his face never leaving.

He wasn't sure how they'd gone from hot and heavy one minute to all cheesy and sappy the next but god was he happy about it.

*

His mum took the news surprisingly well. She was a little taken aback at first, saying the same things Gemma did when he'd told her; that she didn't know Harry was looking and then asked whether or not the girls knew.

It was a little weird answering the question since they were right there, only a few feet away in the lounge. Harry shook his head, saying they didn't yet and she'd given him a look that depicted exactly how Harry had felt about telling them.

"You should tell them soon, especially if it's getting serious between you two, which, judging by the way your face turns to mush when you talk about him, I'm guessing it kind of is," Gemma told him later that Christmas day, while they were alone and the girls were spending time with their nan.

He sighed. "After the new year," he decided. He wanted to just spend Christmas with them. Their first Christmas without their dad. They were sad about it, so was he, but they were doing okay. So he would have to tell them soon. He would have to discuss it with Louis first before telling them, of course, but he was sure that Louis would be on board.

He did mention just the other day, before his birthday, that he was thinking about telling his kids soon too, saying that his sisters had taken the news well and were happy for him.

He didn't seem as nervous to tell his kids as Harry did for some reason. Well, he said that his son wouldn't have a problem with it, he was more than sure about that, only that his daughter might be a little on Harry's case at first.

Harry couldn't really say the same. His kids weren't horrible or anything. They were just... protective, maybe? And they'd grown up in a loving household, where Dylan and Harry were all over each other even as the girls had gotten older.

Like they'd said when Harry told them he wasn't looking to date again, they were sure their parents were soulmates which was why Harry was fine not seeing anyone other than their father.

There was an immense amount of guilt on him, over how they would feel about all of this. They were outspoken and head strong, the both of them, and he wasn't sure they'd be too chuffed about their father seeing someone just a few months after their dad had passed.

It was a little silly, how much he valued their opinion, but they were his kids for god's sake. He loved them more than anything. Of course he worried about what they would think.

They didn't ask for their dad to be taken away so soon, nor did they ask for Harry to start dating someone else either, especially after their conversation.

So, in conclusion, Harry was terrified that the conversation with his daughters might not go well at all. If it didn't, he wasn't sure how he was going to handle it.

After he'd helped his mum and Gemma clear up the kitchen, he took some time to relax in his old bedroom, seeing a text from Louis. Hed attached a picture of himself, just with the caption wishing Harry a happy Christmas.

Harry smiled. Louis looked cute in his big jumper and beanie. He told Louis as much and Louis asked for a selfie back, since it was only fair, apparently.

Harry wrinkled his nose as he took a half-assed one. He wasn't the best at taking selfies but he sent it anyways, feeling comfortable enough to do so with Louis.

Plus, it was great when Louis sent back three heart eye emojis, boosting his confidence.

He'd forgotten what that felt like; being adored and having someone's attention like that on him. He missed it more than he'd realised.

The more time he spent with Louis, the more he'd realised that what he'd said to Gemma earlier this month was becoming more of a reality; he could see himself falling in love with Louis and the thought terrified him but in moments like this, it just made sense to him. It fit. It fell into place. It should be more worrying, maybe, how quickly Harry was going into this, but it felt right. 

Louis made him feel more alive than anyone ever had in years. He can't find himself regret any of that.

After his mum's, he'd returned home and one of the first things he'd done was meet with Louis. They were growing more and more comfortable with each other; holding hands in public, giving each other sweet kisses, whether it was on the cheek or elsewhere.

Harry was happy. He'd been saying and thinking it a lot but he couldn't help it. It was the only way to describe what he'd felt.

For new years, Louis invited him out to spend it together, saying that he was going to take Harry out somewhere special. His girls were spending it with their friends, then back to their grans for a bit before staying with Harry for the rest of the holiday after new years.

He wasn't sure how he was going handle that with seeing Louis and whatnot but he was sure it would be okay. It was only just over a week before they were back to their own lives.

Besides, Louis' daughter was going to be with him for a bit too, around the same time as his girls. So they'd probably have to discuss how they're going to meet tonight. Even though all Harry wanted to do was spend a nice, quiet new years eve with Louis.

It was particularly cold today so Harry'd dressed warmly when Louis picked him up, that too in a truck. Those pickup trucks. Or was it a towing truck? Probably the latter.

"I've never seen this before," Harry said, examining the inside of the truck.

"Company vehicle. Use it for towing cars," he explained to Harry before reaching over and greeting him with a kiss.

Harry smiled into the kiss, kissing back. "Hello," he said.

"Hi, love," Louis grinned, pulling away and driving off.

"So, um, why this truck then?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"You'll see," was all Louis offered him.

Harry huffed but left it alone. He was excited to see what Louis had planned anyways.

They ended up stopping at a secluded area, near a lake but not too close. It looked like they were in the middle of nowhere.

"Louis? Are you going to murder me now?"

Louis snorted. "No, you nut. Come on get out."

Harry frowned but followed him out anyway. Louis opened the back of the truck, where Harry noticed a pile of blankets and a picnic basket and some lanterns.

He grinned slowly. "Lou, what is this?"

"Come on. Hop up here," Louis replied, holding out his hand to Harry once he got up. Harry held it, pushing himself up too.

"You made us a picnic in the back of your truck," Harry smiled, sitting down on the blankets. There were at least two layers of blankets underneath him. It was already warm.

"Yeah. I thought we could have something to eat then watch the fireworks for new years. The countdown and stuff, you know?"

Harry's smile widened. "That's so sweet," he said, "thank you, I love that idea."

"Great because I don't have a backup plan," Louis kissed him shortly then shimmied next to Harry, grabbing two of the other blankets and draping it over both of them.

"The stars here are incredible," Harry commented, looking at the sky in awe. The sky was painted dark blue scattered with hundreds of bright stars. Harry hadn't seen it look like this... ever.

"Yeah. Found this place a while ago and just instantly fell in love with it."

"I can see why."

"Right, so we have a whole array of foods. Some salad too. Some wine and some hot chocolate of course."

"So that's become a thing now, huh?" Harry asked with a grin.

"Definitely," Louis smiled back, "so what would you like then?"

Harry pulled the basket closer, snuggling closer to Louis. "Hmm I'll have some of that. Is that lasagne?"

"Yeah," Louis pulled out the container handing it to Harry, "have some brownies here too."

"So that's another thing then," Harry muttered, still smiling.

"I make the best brownies so yes it always be a thing," Louis winked, "red wine for now?"

"Yes please."

It was nice enjoying the silence between them other than the noise from the crickets.

They enjoy small talk as they eat, catch up on work, Louis told him he has a new blueberry muffins recipe he wanted to try and offered to have Harry over to help him make it, Harry told Louis about this new birthday party he was planning for a one-year-old, during the last week of January.

"I miss them when they were that age," Louis said, digging into his pasta.

"Me too," Harry pouted, "I contemplated getting a kitten recently, did you know?"

"You're joking," Louis looked at him, "I was thinking about getting a puppy."

"Yeah?" Harry grinned, "maybe we should. Not--- not like, together, but just, you know, get them."

"I know, love. Maybe we should. In the new year. All about change, isn't it?"

Harry felt his chest clear up and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Yeah, all about change," he said quietly.

That happy feeling that tingled all the way down to his bones, that only intensified the more time he'd spent with Louis.

With that thought in mind, they'd spent the next few moments talking, enjoying each others company and sipping on their second glass of wine each.

Harry was giggling into the blanket while Louis told him some story that didn't even make much sense but Harry was feeling a buzz so he laughed anyways.

It was as he spoke that Harry noticed how damn beautiful Louis really was. The greys of his hair shone in night light, tinting his eyes a lighter blue and making his smile all the more dazzling.

Which is what made Harry shut him up, mid-story, with a sound kiss. Louis yelped a bit but kissed back almost instantly, pulling away a bit to look at Harry.

"What was that?"

Harry shrugged. "You just looked really cute, so I wanted to kiss you."

Louis huffed out a laugh, a light tinge of pink dusting his cheeks. "Well in that case..."

He joined their lips again, meeting Harry in a much more determined kiss this time. He ran his tongue down Harry's bottom lip before slipping it in. Harry chose that time to place his unfinished wine to one side and climb over Louis' lap.

Louis placed his hands on Harry's hips as soon as their bodies met, deepening the kiss, soft, wet sounds turning more and more eager, mixed with their moans.

"I thought," Louis pulled away a little, placing tiny kisses down Harrys throat, "I thought we were saving that for new years."

"Are we not allowed to do it twice?" Harry asked, amused.

"We are, just saying," Louis grinned.

"What is the time anyways?"

Louis pressed the button on his phone that lay next to him.

23:30

"Hey, I have an idea," Harry said after looking at the time.

"Yeah?"

"I've always wanted to start the new years off with a bang..." he batted his lashes as best as he could.

Louis tilted his head. "By doing what?"

Harry sighed. "With, like, an actual bang."

"Fireworks?" Louis asked.

Harry groaned. "Lou, babe, come on you know what I mean."

Louis giggled, kissing Harry's head, "I do. But are you sure about that?"

Harry nodded. He was more than sure. He felt ready for it. Every part of him did. "Wait, shit, do you have any stuff?"

"This is my magic machine," Louis said with a cocky smirk, "I always have stuff."

"That's gross," Harry wrinkled his nose.

"It's at the back of the seat, hold on," Louis pushed Harry off of him gently.

It was still cold out but Harry wanted to look sexy, especially for this moment. Their first one. He chose to lay down, pushing off his trousers and briefs underneath the thick blankets and then his shirt and jumper.

Louis was leaning into the small window from the back of where they sat, digging out a small bag from the back of the seat. He paused, seeing Harry.

"You took off everything, didn't you?" Louis asked, voice lower.

Harry bit his lip, nodding. Louis cursed underneath his breath, dropping the bag down next to Harry's head and pushing his own clothes off quickly.

He shivered when he was down to his boxers even though he had a blanket over his shoulders too.

"Come here," Harry opened up his warm cacoon for Louis. Louis wasted no more time, joining Harry, his warmth creating a wonderful heat for both of them as he hovered over Harry.

Louis kissed him softly, their bodies pressed together tightly. They both gasped, feeling each other's hard-ons. Louis rutted forward.

"You're sure about this?" He asked again.

Harry nodded. "Are you?" He asked Louis, moving a piece of his fringe away from his forehead.

"Yes, god yes," Louis said. Harry smiled and then they were kissing again. It was slow, nothing felt rushed. Just the way Harry liked it, even if it was freezing cold outside of their little bubble.

Louis took his time opening Harry up too, slow and careful fingers, stretching Harry out every inch, swallowing his moans with kisses and leaving love bites down his neck.

It took a little while because it had been so long since Harry had actually had anything up there, really. The last was... well... his husband but he'd rather not think about that right now. Not when he had Louis like this.

Right now. That was what mattered.

Louis fumbled a bit with the condom but eventually slid it on. "This may be expired. I've had this there for a few years," he warned.

"Do condoms expire?" Harry blinked.

Louis shrugged. "Don't most things? If not everything."

Harry shrugged back, arms around Louis' neck. "Don't know, don't care, just do me."

Louis laughed, eyes crinkling in that beautiful way. "Okay," he kissed Harry's nose, "ready, baby?"

Baby. God, he'd forgotten how much he'd loved that nickname.

Harry nodded. He sucked in a breath when Louis' cock passed the first ring of muscle, the stretch was tight. Forgetting how much it burned and how full he'd felt, Harry's eyes started to water the further Louis went in.

"Harry, are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" Louis asked, concerned.

Harry shook his head, the heels of his feet digging into Louis' back dimples to push them closer together and to finally bottom Louis out.

They moaned in unison at the feeling. "Fuck, it's been ages since I've done this," Louis said, shifting a bit.

"Me too," Harry said, voice strained, "move, please."

Louis pulled back a little and pushed back in, knocking a breath out of Harry. God, Harry had forgotten how fucking good this had felt.

He moved slowly at first, Harry could tell that it was because Louis didn't want to hurt him. But gradually, his thrusts became faster, matching their quick and heavy breathing. They moaned softly into each other.

Harry looked up as Louis sucked a bruise onto his neck, the stars shining bright above him, Louis moving fast and hard inside of him and he felt his toes curl suddenly, his orgasm taking over.

He clutched onto Louis' shoulders as his body shook with pleasure. Louis dropped his forehead down onto Harry's, letting out a grunt and four sharp thrusts before letting go too.

They both finish exhausted, Louis moving out of Harry slowly before laying down next to him. Harry's chest heaved up and down. He smiled lazily.

"Do you have anything I can use to clean me up?" He asked, watching Louis dispose of the condom on the _floor_. Well, the ground. "Louis," he scolded.

"What? I'm not taking a used condom back home. That's stupid."

Harry rolled his eyes. Louis handed him a few tissues from the basket. "Thanks," Harry mumbled, cleaning his tummy.

Louis was next to him again, looking all sleepy and cosy and cuddly. Harry couldn't help but join him underneath those blankets again. So he did, back turned so that they were spooning.

Their hands lay intertwined over Harry's stomach. Louis pecked at the back of Harry's neck sweetly.

"That was amazing," Harry said to him, "fucking crazy 'cause we just had sex at the back of a truck while it's freezing cold outside."

Louis laughed. "Yeah, felt warm enough though."

"Me too," Harry agreed. Just as he spoke, fireworks burst through the sky. He watched in awe as they lit up the sky with different colours.

He didn't get frightened by it, he realised. He watched in awe of its beauty, taking in what they brought with a smile on his face, just like Harry was doing with Louis.

Harry couldn't wait to start a new year with Louis by his side because he was sure now, that this feeling was definitely falling in love.

*

"Dad, you're looking awfully happy," Celia said to him, eyeing him suspiciously.

Harry bit his lip. "Is that a bad thing?" He asked her, eyebrows furrowed.

"No, of course not," she said quickly, "we want you to be happy. It's great that you are."

"Good," Harry smiled back weakly, "are you girls doing okay? How's nana Gloria?"

He didn't want the focus to be on him for too long or else he might crack and blurt out that he was seeing someone who wasn't their father.

"She's all right. Missing paps," Tia said, handing the soapy plate to her sister.

"Yeah, she missed you being there too," Celia added, "you know, you looked happier from the time we saw you on Christmas day, at nans."

"Yeah, you did. I mean, you were sad with us for a bit but you were mostly, like, smiling and stuff," Tia said, looking at him, "I'm guessing the group is helping a lot?"

Harry let out a breath, nodding. "Uh, yeah, it is," he confirmed, which wasn't a total lie, "I'm glad I started going."

That was very true. First and foremost because it really helped him move on and learn how to deal with his grief and second, because he'd met Louis there. They didn't need to know about the second one. Not yet, at least.

Louis and Harry had discussed that the holidays might not be the best time to tell their kids about any of this. The only problem was that Harry wasn't sure when he would see either of his kids again.

Tia was studying, staying at her campus residence and Celia was rooming with two of her friends, while working at the record store.

And aside from Drew, Louis had the same issue with his daughter. She was doing her honours degree at uni and also staying on campus.

They would probably have to end up arranging a special dinner or something to tell them. Sit them down and break it to them.

"How is that friend of yours that you met at therapy?" Tia asked.

God, they remembered. He'd mentioned Louis to them once or twice. He was excited about making a friend, so of course he did, but he didn't think they'd remember that.

"He's okay, yeah," he cleared his throat, turning around so that his back was facing them.

"That's great. I knew you'd make friends there," Celia grinned, "um, did he lose his partner too or was it someone else that he was close to?"

"Partner," Harry said quietly, "his husband passed away from cancer, a few weeks or so before, um, before Dylan."

That kind of put a damper on the mood between them. It wasn't like they didn't talk about it. They talked about it quite a bit; it was necessary to move on.

They'd heard that from the therapists they'd all been seeing. Tia and Celia went to the same one for a while but they'd both stopped a few weeks ago. For no reason in particular, apparently. Which--- Harry wasn't sure what he felt about that.

Does one ever stop needing therapy after going through something like that? After losing someone close to you? Harry wasn't sure when he would stop his group therapy.

He was doing much better, sure, but he felt like he still needed it.

"That must have been horrible," Tia said sadly, "but at least you two could talk about something you both experienced."

Harry hummed as a response, unsure of what else to say.

"We should meet him soon," Celia chimed in, "don't you think, dad?"

Harry blinked, shifting a bit. "I think so," he said honestly, "maybe one of the weekends when you two can get off. You never come and visit anymore."

The only way to get them to change the subject was to be a clingy parent. That was clingy, wasn't it? After all, he didn't want his kids coming to check on him constantly. They'd done that a lot during the first few months and he got sick of it.

He appreciated what they were doing but he felt like a horrible parent for not doing it _to them_. He was the one who was supposed to be checking up on them all the time but he was so caught up with his own grief that he neglected his own kids for a bit.

Grief did funny things to people, as he'd figured out.

"You should come over to mine," Celia said with a smile, "you've only come over a handful of times."

He looked at her with an apologetic pout. "I'm sorry, you're right. I just don't want to be overbearing. You're in your twenties, you know? You should be enjoying your life without having to constantly worrying about your dad or having him there all the time."

"I know, I know," she rolled her eyes, "but I'm asking you to come, okay? Maybe we could celebrate my birthday there together or yours?"

He was actually planning to celebrate his birthday with Louis. God that sounded horrible, didn't it?

"I can celebrate mine here and I'll go over to yours for your birthday. Sound good?"

She nodded excitedly. "I'll make all of your favourites."

He smiled softly, placing a kiss on her head. "Thanks, love. I'll bring the cake then."

"Deal," she hugged him briefly beforr going back to doing the dishes with Tia.

They ended up watching a Marvel movie after that, sharing a bowl of popcorn between them. He was never a huge fan of the whole Marvel thing but his daughters were, thanks to Dylan.

He wondered if Louis was too. They'd never really spoke about that before.

Louis, who he'd been texting throughout the movie, trying to be as discreet as possible. Luckily, his daughters were too engrossed by the movie to really notice.

Louis informed him that he felt on edge around his kids because he felt like he was going to slip up numerous times and tell them that he was seeing someone. Harry said he'd felt the same way.

They decided then, over the phone, that they needed to tell their kids soon. Celia and Tia were old enough. They would understand, right?

They could see that Harry was happier now and Louis played a part in that, no doubt. If they could see that, they couldn't be mad about it, could they? Or worse, sad.

If they would get sad about Harry seeing Louis then... Harry wasn't sure how he would feel about that. He hated seeing them sad. They'd already been through enough.

But could he really live his life for his kids? He wanted to be happy and he _was_. They could understand that, surely.

*

The middle of January was filled with sunshine and rainbows. At least for Harry, despite it being Winter. Not to mention the sex haze that came from being with Louis all the time now.

More often than not, Harrys evenings were spent at Louis' place. He hadn't even really noticed until one day, he'd walked out the bathroom in just his boxers and Louis' shirt that didn't do much to cover him. Luckily the heat was on throughout the house.

It was fairly early and Louis would have to wake up soon to open the shop up with his son. So Harry wanted to surprise him with a breakfast. French toast, since it was Louis' favourite.

He was singing to himself, dipping the bread in the batter when he heard a small gasp. He looked up to see Drew standing at the entrance of the kitchen, eyes wide as he scanned Harry.

Harry felt panic rise to his chest. He realised he was half naked. Hastily, he walked to hide behind the island so that his lower half was covered.

"You're here again," Drew said, "... in my dad's shirt."

God this was so fucking embarrassing. Harry's ears went hot. "Um, yeah, I--- sorry."

"You've been here a few times now, in the morning when I come in. I always see your car parked out front."

Of course he did. Why hadn't Harry thought about that?

"Yeah," was all Harry could say.

Drew swallowed then looked away. "Uh, I should go out back. Can you just, um, tell my dad that I'm waiting for him?"

"Drew, wait, just--- wait inside. It's cold outside. I'll just--- I'll put the stove off and get changed, yeah? I'll be out of your hair."

Drew nodded stiffly, walking out to sit in the lounge. Harry cursed, switching the stove off, leaving the soggy bread on the plate and hurrying up the stairs again. He didn't want to think about the fact that he'd passed Drew half naked. Again.

Louis was getting changed when he went into the room. He frowned upon seeing Harry.

"Hi, love. You all right?" He asked, walking up to him while slipping on a jumper.

Harry shook his head, biting his lip. "Your son--- he, um, he saw me... like this... in your kitchen."

Louis went pale. "Shit," he said, "did he--- what did he say?"

"He said he'd seen me here a few morning now--- my car, I mean and--- and that was it really. He went into the lounge, all red and embarrassed. I can relate. Fuck."

"Shit, sorry, baby," Louis pulled him in for a hug, "what is he even doing here so early? Did he not open up yet?"

Harry shrugged against him, nuzzling into his neck. "He just said he needed to see you and that I should tell you."

"Okay," Louis exhaled, "I'll go talk to him, yeah?"

Harry pulled away, gulping. "I should, um, I should probably go then."

"Are you sure? You can stay, love."

"It's fine, babe," Harry smiled, albeit weakly, "you two should probably talk in private. I'm sure Drew wouldn't want me there after what he just saw."

Louis grimaced. "I'm really sorry," he sighed, "are you fine though?"

"Other than humiliated, yeah," he mumbled.

Louis chuckled a bit, kissing his cheek. "Okay, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Drive safely, okay? And just--- text me when you get home. I hate that you have to leave like this."

"It's fine I--- I would rather leave, honestly. No offense or anything. It would just be really awkward."

"I get it," Louis muttered, pecking him softly, "I'm sorry again. Wish he didn't have to find out like this."

"Me too," Harry wrinkled his nose, "we did want to tell them soon..."

"Not like that," Louis snorted, "but it's okay, I'll just go and talk to him, okay?"

"Okay. Let me know how it goes?"

"Yeah."

Harry kissed his forehead before picking out a pair of his joggers and a hoodie from Louis' drawers. And that was when he'd realised then that he'd actually had a good few of his clothing items here at Louis'.

He put on his clothes and gave Louis a hug before walking down the stairs with him. As they reached the lounge, they'd both made eye contact with Drew, who was still beet red.

Harry squeezed Louis' shoulder, muttering out a quick goodbye before hurrying out the front door. He could not stay in there a moment longer. The tension in the room was as thick as syrup.

The first thing he did when he'd gotten home was phone Liam and tell him what had happened.

Liam, of course, found it hilarious.

"Oh fuck, that must have been so embarrassing," he chuckled.

"It's not funny. That was humiliating," Harry groaned.

"Poor kid must be scarred for life," Liam snorted, "but it's all right, H. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? How could you say that?" Harry asked incredulously, "we were supposed to sit them down and tell them properly."

"I know," he said, tone softer, "but this happened and you can't change it, H. At least he knows? That part is over and done with."

Harry sighed. "Now what do I do?"

"Wait and see what Louis says. From what I've heard, his son seems cool. At least, that's what Niall said."

"What did he say?"

"That Drew is cool."

Harry rolled his eyes. "What _exactly_ did he say?"

"Nothing, he just said that Drew is laid back and chilled, a lot like Louis was when he was that age. That was about it."

Harry could see Louis being like that. He kind of was now but Harry was guessing that kids bring in a different view on life. He probably had to change a lot of that when they'd gotten Drew and Mia.

"And his daughter," Harry groaned, ignoring the conversation they were having before, "god, now that Drew knows, he'll want to tell Mia too and then we'll have to tell my girls too."

"Well, you did know that was coming. Didn't you say you wanted to tell them after your birthday?"

"Yeah, was thinking to do it right before Celia's. May have to do it sooner though," he huffed, "god, my head hurts."

"Go get some sleep then, yeah? And tell me what Louis says. Zayn will be back by the afternoon." 

"Okay, yeah. Sleep sounds good. Thanks, Li," he said, then hung up.

He only had a client at midday which left him three hours. He could have an hour and a half of a nap. Maybe slightly longer, if he wanted to push his luck. Maybe today wasn't the day to push his luck though.

With another tired sigh, he slid underneath his covers and turned around, facing the empty side of the bed. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel the emptiness seep inside of him. He felt lighter, despite everything. 

Louis contacted him as soon as his meeting with his client ended. Harry was done for the day and heading home when Louis phoned him.

Harry'd been avoiding answering his messages, afraid of what Louis was going to say but he couldn't ignore a call.

"Hey," Harry greeted timidly.

"Hey," Louis said back, "you busy, love?"

Harry's tummy did a flip. "Just finished up with a client. Is... everything okay?"

"Um, yeah, that's why I wanted to ask, uh, do you want to come over for supper later on? Drew said he would love to talk to you properly and, um, Mia too."

Harrys heart fell to his arse. "Mia knows too?"

"Drew told her," Louis sighed, "they talk about everything those two, honestly. But, uh, yeah. She--- she said that she's still available, only a few minutes away at a friend's place so she would love to meet you."

"Um," Harry let out a shaky breath. This was all happening so fast. So much all at once.

"You can say no, baby. I'll just tell them you're busy. I know this is a lot. I'm sorry."

"Lou, it's okay. Don't apologise. You didn't ask me to stand half naked in your kitchen at the crack of dawn for your son to come in and see me like that, did you?"

They both chuckled. "No, I didn't. And I'm really sad I missed out on that french toast by the way."

"I'll make you some soon," Harry promised, "so, um, tonight then?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I told Mia that she didn't have to come or anything but she insisted, saying that she wouldn't be here for too long anyways. I don't even know why she's still here. She's supposed to be at her place with her roommate. God, anyways, she said she might as well meet her dad's new... boyfriend while she's here."

Harry smiled despite himself. "Boyfriend?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. I mean, I know we didn't really say it but it was kind of implied, right? It's over two months now. God," he laughed, "I feel twenty all over again."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment. I make my boyfriend feel young," Harry smirked.

"I'm guessing you like the sound of that then," Louis snorted.

"I do and, um, I think I'm good for tonight," Harry said, biting his lip. His stomach twisted.

"Yeah? You really don't have to, Harry."

"No, no, it's okay. There's no point in delaying this," he breathed out, "I'll tell my girls soon too."

"Okay," Louis cleared his throat, "okay, great. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, babe. Now, tell me what I need to bring."

"You don't have to b---"

"Louis, come on, you know I have to. It's me."

Louis giggled softly. "Okay, um, you can bring dessert?"

"Um, okay. I--- what do I make? Are they allergic to anything?"

"Mia can't eat strawberries but Drew is fine with anything."

"No strawberries. Okay, got it. I guess I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah, guess you will. And don't, like, be intimidated by them. They're just going to go all Criminal Minds on you and interrogate you about a few things but you should be fine."

"Good to know," Harry mumbled, taking a right turn.

"Baby, you'll be fine, yeah? I'll be there. Right next to you. You know Drew already loves you."

"Not after this morning," Harry grimaced.

"No, he was just embarrassed, love. He still really likes you, don't worry."

"I hope so," Harry said, "okay, um, let me get stuff ready for later then, yeah?"

"Sure, okay. I'll see you soon, Harry. Bye."

"Bye, Lou," Harry said before hanging up. He rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment to catch his breath.

Louis' son knew and then he told his sister so now both of Louis' kids knew and he was going to meet both of them tonight, officially, as the new boyfriend. God, Harry was going to fucking shit himself.

He left his place about two hours later with a tiramisu in his hand. His free leg bounced as he drove, an old nervous tick that he hadn't gotten rid of.

It was just that he wasn't sure how this was going to go. What was going to happen if Louis' kids hated him after this? How could he deal with that?

He knocked on the door, ignoring the way his tummy turned after noticing a car next to Drew's that was unfamiliar. He assumed this was Mia's.

Luckily, Louis answered the door. He smiled at Harry. "Hi, love," he greeted Harry with a short kiss to his cheek before letting him in.

Harry heard laughter from the lounge and his stomach twisted again. Louis probably noticed how nervous he was because Harry then felt Louis' soft touch at the small of his back.

"It'll be fine," he said, looking at Harry, "she's going to love you, trust me."

"Okay," Harry nodded, deciding to turn this around and gain some confidence, as hard as it might seem right now. "Let's do this," Harry breathed out.

Louis smiled warmly. "Come on," he said, leading Harry with his hand still on Harry's back.

Mia looked a lot like Drew, so a lot like Louis. It was the first thing Harry noticed, seeing her. She smiled, even though it seemed a bit strained, and got off the couch approaching them.

"Hello," she said, extending her hand out for Harry.

Harry smiled back, shifting the tiramisu to one hand in order to shake hers. "Hi, nice to finally meet you."

"I would say the same but I've only found out about you today," she gave Louis a pointed glare.

Louis rolled his eyes but said nothing.

"Well, um, how are you doing?" Harry asked, unsure of what else to say.

"I'm fine," she furrowed her brows a bit, "how are you?"

"Good, yeah," Harry cleared his throat then looked at Drew, "hi, Drew."

Drew smiled back. "Hey, Harry."

Then it was silent.

"Okay, how about some dinner then?" Louis broke the silence.

"Sure, I'm starving. Can't wait to have your shepherds pie," Mia said, rubbing her hands together and trudging to the kitchen.

Louis followed her and Harry turned to do the same when he was stopped by Drew.

"Harry, um, I just wanted to apologise for this morning," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "I was kind of rude and I didn't mean to be, I was just surprised that's all."

"God, don't apologise. I should be the one saying sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out about your dad and I that way," Harry wrinkled his nose.

"Yeah, I'd imagine not," he chuckled awkwardly, "but, um, he said that you two are, like, serious and that you make him happy, which I can see so thank you for that."

Harry's heart warmed. He smiled softly. "Yeah, of course. I really like him. He makes me happy too."

"Good," Drew smiled, "let's go eat, yeah?"

Harry nodded, walking beside him to the dining area. He felt some of the weight being lifted off of his shoulders. That was a start. Drew didn't hate him, evidently. Now it was just Mia.

Mia, as it turned out, did interrogate him. Asking about his job, his family, and when she asked about Dylan, Louis gave her a warning look.

She raised her hands up in her defense. "I'm only asking because you guys met in therapy, right?"

"Um, yeah, we did," Harry answered, "and my husband passed a few months ago, from an accident."

Her eyes filled with sympathy. "I'm really sorry. That must have been hard for your daughters as well."

"Yeah, we weren't, um, ready to lose him. I guess you're never really ready to lose someone you love," he said quietly, "but, um, tell me about yourself. What are you studying?"

She grinned. It was kind. Harry felt like it was a good sign. She told him that she was studying psychology and that she really enjoyed it. She said that she had been in town because she was visiting her partner before going back to uni.

"You never told me you were seeing someone," Louis said, looking offended, "who is it?"

"Their name is Jamie. They're a year older than me and I met them at uni."

"Okay. Can I meet... them?" Louis asked.

"Soon, maybe," she winked.

"Only fair, don't you think?" Louis smiled, eyes full of mirth.

"Yeah, yeah," she waved him off, "so, let's get back to you then, Harry."

Harry wasn't too keen about that but he supposes it was fair enough. She was just protective over her dad like his daughters were with him.

"You had an awkward encounter with my brother this morning then?" She smiled smugly.

Harry flushed. "Uh, yeah. I'm sorry again, Drew," he said, turning to Drew.

"It's okay. We've moved passed it," he said, giving his sister a look, "and I told you not to bring it up."

"I had to," she chuckled.

"Anyways," Louis said loudly, "Harry recently did a Star Wars themed party."

"Oh I wonder if it was better than my tenth birthday party," She grinned

" _And_ mine," Drew said flatly.

"Your side had a lame Mickey mouse theme. Mine was much better," she retaliated.

Then they started bickering about that, then the conversation went to another argument about some other movie Harry hadn't heard of before.

He preferred it that way. The attention was off of him and it was amusing to see them bicker. His girls were the same so it was comforting, in a way.

As they got to dessert, Mia gave Harry a huge smile. "It's my favorite," she explained, dishing out the tiramisu onto a plate.

"I didn't know that. That's great," Harry smiled back.

"And it's amazing," she moaned. There was a look in her eye when she looked at Harry again. Harry hoped it was somewhat a form of approval. He hoped it was.

Louis placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed it. He grinned at Harry briefly. Harry finally let out a breath. This was okay. Things were okay.


	5. 5

Things were, as it turned out, not okay. They were. For a while. But then, Harry's birthday came. And he was excited to spend it with Louis. It was just going to be the two of them, at Harry's place. Louis was coming over to cook him dinner, wine and dine him, as he'd said, then they were just going to eat some cake and cuddle on the couch.

It was supposed to be perfect and it was close to being just that. They had an amazing dinner, Louis nailed a mushroom risotto and they just finished their store bought chocolate cake after Harry made a wish. They were just cuddling up on the couch, Harry comfortable snuggled up to Louis, when Harry's door swung opened and in came both of his daughters.

Harry shot up immediately.

"Surprise," they said together but their smiles fell as soon they examined the scene in front of them. "Um, hi?"

"Hi," Harry said, voice shaky, "what are you doing here?"

"We wanted to surprise you for your birthday," Tia said, eyes fixed on Louis, "we didn't know you had company."

"Um, yeah," Celia narrowed her eyes, "happy birthday?"

"Oh, um thanks. But didn't we say we'd meet for yours, C."

"Yeah but we thought we'd surprise you," Tia cleared her throat, looking at Harry.

"Um, hi," Louis finally spoke up, hesitantly stepping forward and extending a hand out, "my name is Louis."

" _You're_ Louis," Celia said, shaking his hand briefly. Tia, however, didn't.

"You're my dad's _friend_?" Tia asked, arms crossed over her chest.

"Um," Louis looked at Harry, "I guess?"

"Maybe you guys should sit down. We need to talk," Harry sighed.

His daughters looked at each other then Celia nodded shortly. Harry gestured for them to sit down in the couch. He sat next to them, body faced to them while Louis sat on the armchair to his left.

"Thank you for coming to surprise me," he started with, smiling, "it was really kind of you."

"We wanted to come and bake a cake with you. We know how much you like to do that for your birthday, normally with dad," Tia said, eyes still squinted. She glanced at the empty plates on the coffee table, clear remains of chocolate spread across the saucers. "I suppose that's been taken care of though," she mumbled, jaw clenched.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were coming over. I--- I bought a cake," he said quickly.

"So you're spending your birthday with Louis," Celia said, glancing at Louis again, "are Zayn and Liam coming over too?"

Harry sighed. He knew that she knew the answer to that. She was just testing him, maybe. Or hoping that they were still coming over.

"No. It's just Louis and I," he said.

"Why?" Tia asked immediately.

"He's... um, we've been seeing each other for a bit..." he winced at his words. He was pretty sure he loved Louis but he couldn't just blurt that out to them.

"What? For how long? Why didn't you tell us?" Celia frowned.

"A few months but I didn't--- I planned on telling you both soon, really, I did."

"Months?" Tia squeaked, "how many months, exactly?"

"Just about three months," he bit his lip nervously, watching their faces contort in what he could only describe as betrayal.

"You were seeing him while we were here for the holidays and you didn't even tell us," Celia said, tone cold.

"Because I wasn't ready. I--- it was hard for me to, okay? I wasn't sure if you two would be okay with it yet and it was just starting out... I just wanted to wait a bit."

"Well, you are right. I'm not okay with this," Tia said, her jaw still clenched.

Louis cleared his throat before Harry could speak. "I think that maybe you should hear your dad out."

"I think that you shouldn't be here because this a family matter," she bit back.

"Tia," Harry scolded. He'd never raised rude children.

She tilted her head defiantly before getting off the couch and walking away into what Harry assumed was her old bedroom. He huffed.

"Maybe I should go," Louis stood up too, looking at Harry, "she's right, I think you should discuss this together without me being here."

"You don't have to," Harry stood up too. He really didn't want Louis to leave if he was being honest. But maybe it would be for the best.

"No, it's okay, lo--- Harry. I'll text you, okay?" Louis said, giving him a small squeeze on his shoulder before heading out.

Once the door shut, Harry looked at his eldest. She had her arms crossed over her chest just like Tia's was earlier.

"I'm sorry," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you both sooner and I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

God, first Drew and now his kids. He couldn't catch a break.

She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know what to say, dad. It hasn't even been a year since papa passed away."

Harry's heart clenched. He wasn't sure when last he'd heard her call Dylan that. As they both got older, 'papa' became 'paps'.

"I didn't plan for this to happen. It just did," Harry said quietly.

She looked away. "I should go check on Tia," she said.

"Please come out with her so we can talk about this properly," he begged.

She gave him a long look before nodding shortly then sauntered to her sister's bedroom.

Harry exhaled heavily, dropping his head into his hands, collapsing onto the sofa. This was not how he wanted to spend his birthday. Everything was going so well and he'd hoped that his girls would understand the way Louis' kids had but he'd forgotten that not every child is the same. Not every situation was the same.

In Louis' case, Daniel encouraged him to move on and find someone else, his kids knew about that and supported him on that decision. With Harry, Dylan wasn't meant to leave them. He never got Dylan's blessing to move on, find someone else, their kids never got to even say goodbye properly for God's sake.

He couldn't blame them for feeling this way but he also couldn't blame himself for feeling what he did for Louis. He didn't want to intentionally hurt them. Ever. He would always put them first, above anything else.

Eventually, they both come out of the room and sit away from him, much to his dismay. He tried not to let how much that hurt show.

"How could you do this to paps?" Tia asked, eyes red, "he didn't--- you guys were meant to be together."

Harry wanted to go over and comfort her but he wasn't sure if she would want that right now. She liked to be left alone when she was upset.

"I didn't do anything, Ti. You have to understand that I didn't do that on purpose, love. With Louis, I mean. I really like him and I think if you give him a chance you'd really like him too."

"What about everything you said to us? You said you didn't want to move on with anyone else, that you were happy being on your own 'cause you already found your soulmate."

Harry let out a shaky sigh. "Like I said, I didn't know this would happen. It just did. And I'm really happy with Louis."

"You were happy with paps too," Celia added.

"You're right. I was. But he's not here anymore. And I hate that he got taken away from us, okay? I do. But there's nothing we can do about that. I can't hold onto that much longer."

"So you don't love him anymore? Is that what you're saying?" Tia frowned.

"I'll always love him," Harry huffed, "but I know that he would want me to be happy and _I am_. I am with Louis."

"Does nan know? Either one of them?" Celia chimed in again.

"My mum knows, yes and so does auntie Gem but I didn't tell nana Gloria, no," Harry revealed, "I will tell her when I'm ready."

"She won't be happy about this," Tia scowled, "and I understand why."

"I don't expect her to be," he muttered, "but I would hope, as an adult, she would be mature enough to eventually understand and be happy for me."

He knew he said it just to make them feel a little guilty and he hated that he did but he also knew that they wouldn't be opened to understanding otherwise.

They're adults too. He expected them to understand too.

"I can't watch you with someone else," Tia said sadly, "it's weird and just--- I can't do it, dad."

He felt a bout of sympathy then. He knew that this must be hard for them. "I'm not saying I'm going to marry him, love. I know this is hard but please don't hate Louis before you get to know him. Give him a chance. He really makes me happy. I didn't think I could ever find something like this again but I'm lucky enough to have it with Louis."

Celia seemed to let her guard down a little bit. "It's just... weird for us," she sighed.

"I know and I get that. You can take your time with this. I don't expect either one of you to be okay with this immediately. I just want you to be opened to the idea, that's all."

"I can't . I just--- I miss him so much and now, you're just--- you're moving on without him," Tia sniffed, "you're forgetting him."

"I'm not forgetting him, sweetheart," he said firmly, "I'm moving on, yes, but you know that's something we all have to do, right? Moving on doesn't mean forgetting someone."

"He's always been jealous, you know?" Tia said, swallowing, "he wouldn't like you with someone else."

"He has, yes. But he isn't here anymore, Ti. Look, remember when your hamster died and we got you a new one? You didn't forget the old one, did you?"

"Paps was _not_ a hamster," she said, appalled.

"No, I _know_ that. I'm just--- I'm just trying to get you to understand," he said helplessly.

"Well I don't," she stood up abruptly again, "I'm leaving."

"Tia," Celia and Harry said simultaneously.

But she doesn't listen to them. She walked hastily to the front door and shut it closed behind herself. Harry's heart ached.

"I'll talk to her," Celia said, surprising him, "I'm not--- this is still weird but I'm... I'll try to understand, okay? But I'm not promising anything."

Harry nodded eagerly. "That's all I'm asking."

"I should go," she said, "I'll talk to her but again, can't promise anything."

"I know," he said with a sad smile. Tia was nothing if not stubborn. A trait she'd picked up from both Harry and Dylan.

"Happy birthday again, dad," she smiled, even if it was small.

"Thank you," he smiled back, "hey, I'd really like it if you guys met Louis properly, you know?"

"I know. I'll... I'll let you know, okay?" She said, looking dubious.

He let disappointmet settle in. He modded. "Okay. Please take care of yourself and your sister. I love you both, okay? Never forget that."

"I know. I love you too," she hugged him briefly and pulled back, "bye, dad."

He let out a breath once she left. That was a disaster and a half. To think, he'd actually hoped they'd be happy with it. Just because Louis' kids were somewhat okay with it, doesn't mean Harry's girls were going to be too.

He should have remembered that. Still, maybe them finding out under different circumstances would have lessened the blow a little bit.

Harry sighed again, choosing to clean up instead of letting himself overthink. He washed up the dishes and packed up the leftovers, that painfully reminded him of the fact that he was having a nice evening with his boyfriend--- his Louis--- before all the drama happened.

With a heavy heart he switched off the TV that was still playing the background and dragged himself into his room. It was still fairly early, but he didn't really want to do anything else.

He didn't even look at his phone, simply putting it on charge, even if he knew that Louis would have sent him a text. He'd reply to Louis in the morning.

As he fell into a deep sleep, he could only hope that his daughters could eventually come around and be happy for him. He deserved that much, didn't he?

*

He only ended up seeing Louis again at their group therapy on Wednesday the following week. He wasn't avoiding Louis per se, he just needed some time to himself for a bit. Harry still texted him regularly after all.

They decided to go to _Blooms_ after their therapy session and Harry could tell that Louis wanted to say something but he kept doing that thing where he opened his mouth then shut it.

"I'm really sorry," Louis said eventually, "about... everything."

"You don't have to be sorry about anything," Harry frowned.

"No, I just... I don't know," he shrugged, "I don't know what to say."

"Me neither," Harry confessed in a murmur, looking down at his untouched hot chocolate.

"Do you... do you still want to do this?" Louis asked, gnawing on his bottom lip, eyes wide.

"Us?" Harry blinked.

Louis nodded. "I know how much your kids mean to you and if they can't accept this then... I wouldn't blame you for, you know..."

"No," Harry said quickly, "I'm not-- I don't want to stop any of this. I just really don't know what to say. My mind is all over the place."

"Thank god," Louis let out a breath, "not about your mind, but about us I mean."

"I know," he smiled gently, "Celia said she's opened to meeting you, you know?"

"Yeah?" Louis' face lit up. "That's a start, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Harry sighed, "it's just... Tia isn't even talking to me. She's not answering my texts or calls and I just--- it's hard. She's my little girl, you know? They both are."

"I know, darling," Louis reached over and grabbed his hand, "I'm sure they'll both come around, yeah? This is just new and scary for them, like it was for both of us."

Harry nodded. "Thank you," he exhaled, "I needed to hear that, I think."

"I know," Louis smiled, eyes crinkling, "let's finish up and we can go have a cuddle, yeah?"

"You and your cuddles," Harry shook his head.

"You love them and you know it. Besides, I owe you a proper birthday cuddle."

Harry grinned. His tummy did a flip. He wanted so badly to tell Louis those three words sitting at the tip of his tongue but not now. When they're alone, maybe. He hoped Louis could at least feel it.

*

Celia miraculously agreed to meet Louis a few days after Valentine's day. She said that Tia wasn't going to come but she would meet them for lunch while she was off.

It was a start. That was what he kept telling himself, at least.

"It'll just take some time," Louis said kissing his cheek, "she'll come around."

Everyone had been saying that to him about Tia in particular but the longer it took, the less Harry believed it. Granted it'd only been just over two weeks.

"Are you nervous?" Harry asked, changing the subject from Tia.

"Yes but do you blame me? They both wanted to kill me the last time I saw them."

Harry smiled softly, clutching his hand. "It'll be okay. She agreed to meet you which means she's opened to getting to know you."

Louis nodded, bringing Harry's hand to his lips and placing a short kiss there. It was at that moment that Celia decided to come in. She stopped in her steps, spotting Harry and Louis sitting close with their hands linked together.

Harry removed his hand from Louis' and got up to greet her. She plastered a smile on her face as she approached them, hugging her dad tightly. Harry exhaled, hugging her back just as tightly.

When she pulled away, Louis extended his hand out again. She pursed her lips into a smile and shook it, exchanging greetings before sitting down opposite them.

"So, um how have you been? Is everything going all right?" Harry asked her as she flipped through the menu.

"Yeah, work is okay and you?" She glanced at him.

"Fine," he shrugged.

"Um," she cleared her throat and looked up at him again, "I just wanted to say sorry for how everything turned out on your birthday. We didn't really mean to do that--- ruin it, I mean."

"No, it's okay. I understand. Thank you for coming in to see me. I wish it could have gone a little bit better though."

"Me too," she said with a small grimace.

They ordered their food and then it went silent. The awkwardness settled in until Louis decided to speak. "Thank you for coming to meet me today," he said to Celia, "I really appreciate it."

She nodded. "I suppose that's only fair. Dad kept saying how happy you make him."

Harry flushed, watching Louis smile to himself. "He makes me happy too," Louis said, "I'm lucky to have found him."

She shifted on her chair. "Right."

"Um, tell me about yourself. Your dad mentioned that you love tennis?"

She bit her lip before nodding. "I do. I play every weekend."

"That's great. I don't play much anymore but I used to when I was younger."

She hummed. "How old are you, exactly?'

"I just turned fifty in December," he smiled, "you're going to be twenty-two soon, I believe?"

"Yes, on the twenty-eighth of February."

"Ah, lucky you weren't born on a leap year, ey," Louis chuckled.

She, however, didn't. But she did offer him a smile. "So, do you have any kids of your own?"

Harry kind of wanted to tell her to tone it down but he didn't want to push his luck. This was just her trying to get to know Louis. It was all he'd wanted in the first place.

"I do, yeah. Two kids. They're twins," he said, "they're going to be twenty-four in May."

"That's ... great," she replied, "do they, um, know about you two?"

"Yes, they do. They found out a few weeks before you and your sister did," Louis admitted, "also by accident."

"So you guys just didn't plan on telling your kids about you two?" Celia frowned.

"No, no. We wanted to wait a bit. I was going to tell you on your birthday with Tia there and Louis' kids around the same time."

She swallowed then looked down. "How did your husband pass away?" She asked quietly.

Harry gripped Louis' hand underneath the table, like an apology for her being so forward about all of this. Louis squeezed back.

"Cancer," he answered with a sad smile.

"I see. I'm sorry for your loss," she said, sounding genuine about it at least, "um, how did your kids handle it then? After their father passed to see you with someone else so soon."

Louis let out a breath. "A bit weirded out at first but they're okay with it. They're happy for me, even if they're still getting used to it."

A flash of emotion passed through her eyes. "Oh," she said softly, "that's ... nice of them."

"Yes, I suppose. They, um, their dad, before he'd passed he actually asked them to set me up with someone," he chuckled, "but I didn't really think I'd be interested. At least not until I met, uh, your dad."

She looked at the two of them, that emotion still present behind her eyes. "And you two... are really serious?"

"Yes," Louis said fiercely before Harry could even reply, "we are serious and I--- I care very deeply about your dad. I want you to know that. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him."

"Okay," she puffed out a breath, "I'm going to need a drink."

Harry gulped. He wasn't sure where she was at with this whole thing yet. She ended up ordering a glass of cabernet blanc.

"I'm sorry, this is just a lot to take in," she apologised after ordering her drink.

"It's okay. I understand. This must be really weird for you too. It was weird for us too, at the beginning."

"Yeah?" She turned to her dad.

Harry nodded. "I proper freaked out. I didn't--- I just didn't want to believe that I could feel anything for anyone who wasn't Dylan but... I did."

She looked at him, eyes wide, like she felt sympathy for him.

"You have to understand, C, that it took some time for us too but I didn't want to fight whatever I was feeling anymore. He made me happier than I've been in such a long time. If you found that in someone, would you want to give it up?"

She shook her head, looking at Louis again but she didn't say anything. It was only when their food arrived a few minutes later that she did. She was cutting up her fish and she didn't look up but she mumbled out, "thank you for making my dad happy."

Louis' face lit up. "You're welcome," he said, sounding a little choked up. Bless him. "He deserves it," Louis added.

"He does," she smiled up at Harry.

Now this was definitely a start. A great one.

*

The meeting with Celia ended on a positive note. She'd even considered Louis' offer to play tennis some time. Harry could tell she was still hesitant but their was acceptance in her eyes and that was all he'd asked for.

Louis was ecstatic afterwards, happy to get at least one of his daughter's approval. Somewhat. Now it was just Tia left.

She was on the other side of the door and Harry had to brace himself. Celia promised she would talk to Tia again about everything after their lunch but she also said that Tia really wasn't happy about any of this.

Harry didn't know what to say, if he was being honest. He wasn't sure when she would come around, if ever at this point.

But he was her dad for God's sake. She could at least hear him out a little more? Give Louis a chance, too. Louis didn't do anything to her.

He opened the door after taking a few deep breaths. He was first met with Celia who smiled warmly at him.

"Hi, love. Happy birthday," he hugged her, "I brought a cake."

"Of course you did," she smiled fondly. Harry let out a breath as he followed her to the kitchen. At least she was in a good mood.

"Tia is setting up the balloons," Celia explained, "you know how she is with those things."

It was one of those weird quirks about her. She always made sure their were balloons at everyone's parties.

"We brought some to you, you know? But they'd popped in the car and she felt so bad about it," Celia snorted.

Harry frowned. "It's okay."

"I know. I'm sorry again about that night," she grimaced.

"It's okay. Come here," Harry opened up his arms, hugging her again.

That was how Tia found them, standing a few feet away with a packet in her hands.

"Hey, love," Harry greeted her, pulling away.

"Hey," she greeted, tone clipped, walking forward and placing the packet onto the table, "these are extra balloons, C."

"Thanks," Celia said, "um, you two can head out. I'll just bring out the food."

"Sure," Harry nodded. He followed Tia with a lump in his throat. She sat down opposite him, arms crossed over her chest.

So she wasn't going to start a conversation. Harry decided to do it. "Your birthday is soon too," he said softly, "what do you want?"

"It's not until another three months," she muttered.

"Still, that's soon," he insisted, "I can get your present beforehand."

"Nothing," she replied, "I don't want anything."

He bit his lip, sighing. "You used blue and black balloons," he offered, spotting the balloons in the corner by a small dining table.

"It's Celia's favourite colours," she mumbled.

"I know. The cake is decorated in blue icing. I couldn't find any black though."

She didn't reply to him so Harry didn't push it any further. Celia set up the small table a few minutes later and they ate in an awkward silence, the only sound being the cutlery on their plates.

"Have you been busy at work, dad?" Celia eventually asked.

"Not really. More time to myself though, which I'm not going to complain about."

"More time with Louis, you mean," Tia snickered.

"Ti," Celia hissed.

"Yes, more time with him," Harry confirmed with a frown, "though he is busy with his shop too."

"Shop?" Celia asked.

"Yes, he's a mechanic. Runs a shop at the back of his house with his son."

"He has a son?" Tia chimed in, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes, and a daughter. They're twins," he answered.

"And you've met them?" She asked.

"Yes, they're lovely."

Her frown deepened. "And they know about you two?"

"Yes," he confirmed, "they're okay with it, even though they both still find it a little weird."

"Good for them," she mumbled to herself but loud enough for Harry to hear.

"Hey, let's sing for you, C," Harry chose to say, before the conversation got any worse.

"Now?"

"Yeah, dessert time?" Harry asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, okay," she smiled.

"I'll go get a knife and candles," Tia announced, getting up to head to the kitchen.

"She'll get there," Celia whispered to him, "I spoke to her."

"It's all right, love. Let's just celebrate you today, okay?" Harry smiled reassuringly.

And it went that way for a while. The tension in the air was still there but it wasn't as bad as before. They both focused on Celia.

"I think I'm going to head out soon, C," Tia said as they eat their cake.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked before Celia could reply.

"Out," she offered as a reply, then turned back to her sister, "do you need me to clean up?"

"It's okay, I'll handle it," Celia smiled.

"Wait, but it's your sisters birthday. Where are you going?"

"Out," she repeated, "I don't need to tell you everything, do I?"

That was--- that wasn't his daughter speaking. She was never like that with him--- with anyone--- no matter how upset she'd get.

"Tia, that's a bit selfish, don't you think?" He said, trying to keep his calm, "besides, I thought we could all sit down and talk for a bit."

"You're calling me selfish? That's rich," she scoffed out a laugh and shook her head.

"What?" Harry frowned at her. He was about to ask her more but she started to speak over him.

"You made such a selfish decision," Tia scoffed, "I can't believe you'd do that to paps--- to us."

So it's about Louis. He'd thought as much.

Harry felt a bout of anger then. "No," he croaked out, "you don't get to make me feel this way, not about this," his voice cracked, gaining their attention, "I know this is hard for you but I'm happy and this is my decision about my life. I've always, _always_ put you two first. This is the one time I put myself first because I deserve it, okay? Don't call me selfish for wanting to be happy with who I love."

Her eyes widened, a guilty look swimming in her deep blue pupils. "You love him?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, I do," he said, feeling good to finally say it out loud, "and I'm sorry you feel this way but I am not going to give up something special just because you can't grow up."

Celia let out a small gasp. Harry felt a lump expand in his throat. "I'm sorry but you can't keep acting this way, Ti. I know this is hard, trust me, I do, and I'm not asking you to be happy but you at least owe me respect for my decisions because I've done the same for you. Always."

The fight in her eyes faded, taken over by sadness. She stood up. "I'm going to leave," she said quietly, "I just--- I need some time."

Then she was hurrying out of the house, grabbing her coat. Harry sighed.

"Did she come with a car? She doesn't have one yet."

"She borrowed her friend's," Celia said, "I'm sorry, dad."

"No, god, sweetheart, it's okay. I should be the one saying sorry. This isn't how you should spend your birthday," Harry said, pulling her in for a hug.

"Consider it even," she sighed. They both chuckled.

"No, I'll make it up to you," he promised, pulling away, "did you at least enjoy the cake?"

"I did. Thank you again."

"You're welcome," he smiled, "um, Tia... we should check on her, yes? I just. She needs to be safe. Do you know where she's going?"

"To her best friend's place," Celia explained, "it's, like, less than ten minutes away from here."

"Okay but---"

"I'll message her to check up on her, don't worry," she cut him off.

"Thank you," Harry exhaled, "I don't know what to do with her anymore."

"Just give her some time. I'll speak to her again, like I said. But she wasn't happy that I met Louis, you know? It went even worse when I told her that I actually liked him."

Harry brightened a little. "You like him?"

"He's... decent," she shrugged, "I saw the way you looked at him."

Harry had the decency to hide his growing smile by biting his lip. "He really would love to meet you again, you know?"

"I know. I'm working on it," she gave him a small smile.

"Thank you, darling," he said sincerely, "that really means a lot to me."

"I know. Just give Ti a little more time, okay? You know how she can be. Remember when she threw that tantrum in the middle of a store 'cause you wouldn't let her get her bloody chocolate?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Your pap let her get away with murder, I swear. She only stopped when he bought her that damn thing no matter how many times I scolded him for spoiling her."

He frowned, coming to a realisation. "She really thinks I'm trying to replace him somehow, doesn't she?"

Celia nodded sadly. "Can you blame her? This all happened as she started uni and she didn't even get to say goodbye to paps. Neither did I. Or you for that matter. She feels... empty, still."

Harrys mind filled with worry. "Wait, is she still seeing a therapist? How long has she been feeling all of this?"

"She's going to see a therapist soon again. A new one. She said she wanted to. I think she just has a lot going on that she hasn't dealt with yet and it's ... affecting her."

Harry sighed. "God, I'm so horrible. I didn't even notice any of this."

"Dad, you don't even see us much anymore because _we_ moved away. It's not your fault."

Harry swallowed. It was hard to believe that. "Well, as long as she realises that she's not okay and she's getting the help that she needs. I wish she would talk to me about it."

"It's okay, dad, she's got me," Celia smiled, "we have each other above everything else."

Harry's heart warmed. "I'm so glad. I'm so proud of you, you know?"

She looked down, cheeks flushed bashfully. "Stop."

"No, I am and you should be too," Harry said, "now, let's eat some more cake, check on your sister and maybe watch one of those thriller movies you love so much."

"Sounds good."

Harry ended up leaving late at night to get back to his place. Even though Celia said that her roommates had gone out of town and the other stayed with a friend, he still felt weird if he had to stay on his daughter's couch.

Unbeknownst to him, Harry started to drive to Louis' place instead of his own. He'd only realised it once he stopped outside the house.

He blinked twice and the shook his head. He wasn't sure why he'd come here. When he looked up again, he saw a head peeking through the window and then the front door opened, revealing Louis.

He looked sleepy but not like he'd just woken up. He frowned. "Harry?" He whispered into the cold night air.

Harry decided to fuck it and go in. He was here and he was tired and it wasn't like he hadn't spent a night here before.

Louis, of course, let him in, shutting the door behind him. "You look like you're freezing, love. Do you want to warm up by the fire place? I can get a fire going."

"Can we cuddle? In your room, I mean," Harry asked instead.

Louis regarded hum carefully before nodding slowly. "Of course. Do you want something warm to drink?"

Harry shook his head. "Just want you."

"Okay, come on, let's go then."

Louis led the way up the stairs. Harry slipped his clothes off quickly and went underneath the blankets, Louis coming in next to him.

"Sorry. I should have called before pitching up like this," Harry said, turning to face him.

"It's fine. You're always welcome here," Louis said with a gentle smile, "I take it the birthday dinner didn't go too well then?"

Harry shook his head somberly. "I swear she hates me," he said shakily, "and I keep feeling as if I'm failing her."

"She doesn't hate you, love," Louis said, running his fingers through Harry's messy hair, "this is just going to take some time for her to get used to."

"How much longer?" Harry huffed. "I just want my Tia back."

"I know," Louis kissed his forehead softly, "give it some time though, okay?"

God Harry was tired of hearing that. But he was also sleepy so he didn't argue. He sighed and snuggled closer to Louis. Louis happily swung an arm around Harry's waist as Harry tucked his head underneath Louis' chin.

Louis giggled. "Are you making yourself smaller?"

"Maybe," Harry shrugged, twisting himself even more.

Louis snorted, shaking his head. He placed a kiss to the top of Harry's head. "Everything will be okay, baby."

Harry's stomach fluttered. "I hope so," Harry said back, throwing his own arm around Louis too, making sure that he was close.

*

The one-year anniversary of Daniel's and Dylan's deaths came one after the other. Literally. Daniel's came first, a few weeks before Dylan's. Louis was... he was different that day.

He'd met with his kids and they all sat down, the mood a little sullen but mixed with a fond nostalgia, exchanging stories about Daniel.

Of course, Harry wasn't there for all of it. He would have been too out of place. But he did catch them while Louis was telling them one, one about when they were babies, and he started crying, much to Harry's horror.

The whole scene was ruined when they spotted Harry. Louis quickly wiped away his tears and stood up while Mia and Drew excused themselves to the kitchen after greeting Harry.

"Hi, I'm sorry for pitching up like this," Harry said, hugging Louis tightly.

"I asked you to come," Louis laughed wetly against him.

"Yeah after supper time. I just thought it would be nice to surprise you with some supper instead and I wasn't thinking straight. It didn't even occur to me that you would want to spend it with your kids."

"It's okay," Louis pulled away, patting Harry's cheek, "I'm glad you're here."

"Are you sure? I could leave and come back in a few if you'd like," Harry offered.

Looking at Louis now, Harry noticed that he probably had been crying for a while now. It was an odd thing to experience, having his boyfriend cry over his now deceased husband but he also completely understood that. Hell, he knew that this would be him in just a few weeks too.

"Harry, stay, love," Louis said, squeezing his shoulder, "you can have supper with all of us."

"Are you sure?" He asked again. "Will Drew and Mia be okay with me being here?"

"We can go and ask them if you'd like? Though I don't think they'd mind at all."

"Okay, yeah," Harry agreed. He followed Louis to the kitchen, standing behind him once they reached.

"Guys," Louis called out. They looked up from where they sat at the island. "Do you two mind if Harry spends dinner with us? He kind of brought the dinner, so..."

"Yeah, sure," Drew said, "as long as you don't mind us talking about our dad."

"No, of course I don't mind," Harry said quickly, "I'll be happy to hear some stories."

Mia gave him a smile. "Then you're welcome to stay. What did you make?"

"Just some pasta and I brought some tiramisu, thought it might cheer you up," Harry admitted with a slight blush.

She gave him a soft sort of look, as if she were really grateful. It was only tiramisu. "Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome," Harry smiled back at her.

They set the table together and it felt good, to be like that. They were comfortable, even if it wasn't fully. The more they'd hung out, the more used to it Harry had gotten, and he was sure they'd felt the same way.

Throughout the dinner, Harry did end up hearing a few stories about Daniel, about how goofy he was with the kids, always letting them get away with stuff if they so much as pouted at him. There was one about how Louis had surprised him for their first year anniversary with a picnic in the moonlight that warmed Harry's heart. It sounded like something Louis would do. Hell, he did do something similar for Harry.

He wondered briefly what they would do for their first year anniversary. It should have scared him that he was thinking that far ahead of their relationship but it didn't at all. Progress, he thought to himself.

Harry decided that he would leave after dinner, let them be together as a family. He didn't want to impose any further, no matter how many times they reassured him that he wasn't. He felt like they needed to be together right now without Harry being there. Besides, he would feel a little bit awkward too.

He parted with a quick kiss to Louis' cheek, feeling a little unsatisfied because he hadn't kissed Louis properly in a few days, due to how busy they'd both been and because the anticipation of today made it a little weird, at least for Harry.

It was just two days, almost three, but he missed it so much already. And they'd gone longer without kissing when their kids came to stay with them during the holidays. It showed how much their relationship had progressed and how much Harry relied on Louis now.

*

When Dylan's one year came up, Harry took the day off and spent it moping around. He hadn't felt an ache this strongly since he'd first passed away.

Celia called him during the early hours of the morning, before she had to go to work, and they cried together for about an hour straight. He felt a little lighter after crying though. He was sad she couldn't be here with him but he knew it was hard for her to get off and manage that new internship of hers.

She promised a visit during the weekend though, which Harry was more than okay with. He'd missed his girls a lot. Especially Tia. She hadn't spoken to him much since Celia's birthday. There was just an odd text here and there, to tell him something she'd needed for uni but that was about it. She'd ignored his dozens of other texts, begging for them to talk. He hated it so much. He knew they wouldn't take it well but not to this extent. Everyone still kept telling him to give her time though so a small part of him held onto that hope.

It was after his Skype call with Liam and Zayn that Louis came. Liam and Zayn were out of town, visiting Liam's mum who was gravely ill. They both felt guilty for not being there with Harry but Harry immediately assured them that they shouldn't. He understood and wished Liam the best for his mum.

When Louis came in, Harry was already a little congested from crying so much and his eyes were burning. He greeted Louis with a small smile, letting him in.

"Hey, darling. I brought some stuff," he said, kissing Harry quickly and holding out a packet.

"What did you bring?" Harry asked curiously.

"Ice cream, booze--- the usual," then he stared at Harry before opening out his arms, "come here, love."

Harry instantly fell into them, tucking his face into Louis' neck. He breathed in Louis' cologne then let out a shaky breath.

"Came to give you some cuddles," he said, pulling away. "You sit down and I'll get us some spoons for the ice cream, yeah?"

Harry nodded, grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over his lap. He put on a movie in the background when Louis brought them their spoons and an opened tub of ice cream.

Harry let his head rest on Louis' shoulder, quietly eating the creamy ice cream. It was a strawberry flavour. His favourite. He smiled a bit. Louis remembered.

"I know this is a stupid question but how are you feeling?" Louis asked, his arm going to Harry's waist to pull him closer. Harry went easily.

He sighed. "Weird," he answered honestly, "I'm really glad you're here though."

"Me too," Louis kissed his cheek, "is there anything I can do for you? You were really there for me when I was in this position and you knew exactly what to do. I feel horrible because I don't."

Harry grabbed his free hand and intertwined their fingers. "It's okay, Lou. You being here is more than enough."

"Okay," Louis placed another kiss, this time on his temple, "I know this is hard especially with Celia not being here and Tia. Did, um, did you speak to them though?"

"Spoke to Celia earlier but nothing from Tia. I sent her a text, amongst the other dozens, asking her when she was free so we could at least speak over the phone but she didn't answer," he sniffed, his bottom lip wobbling.

"Hey," Louis seemed to notice, moving their bowls onto the coffe table and pulling Harry into his chest, hugging him tightly.

Harry cried into his jumper, finding comfort in the way Louis held him.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said to Harry, "if it wasn't for me..."

"Don't," Harry wiped his eyes, his head still on Louis' chest, "it's not your fault."

"It kind of is though," Louis protested weakly.

"No, it's not," Harry insisted, "I'm happy with you, Lou," he said softly.

"I'm happy with you too," Louis kissed his head, "so happy."

Harry's cries subsided fully. He snuggled further into Louis' chest, covering them both with the blanket.

"I wish I could do something to make it all better," Louis sighed.

But Louis always made everything better, Harry thought. Harry needed him. "I love you," he blurted out, looking up at Louis. He watched the adams apple in his throat bob. Maybe this wasn't the best time to say it but it had been sitting at the tip of his tongue for a while now.

Louis smiled softly. "I love you too," he said, accentuating it with a long, hard kiss to Harry's lips. Harry grinned. Despite the day, despite how he'd initially felt, this right here was perfect for him.

He would always miss Dylan but Louis, Louis was his new beginning. And Harry was embracing it with opened arms.

*

Harry woke up the next morning to ruckus coming from the kitchen. He thought it was Louis at first but then he felt Louis' arms around him and his soft snores from the back of Harry's neck warming the skin. He panicked.

"Louis," Harry whispered, patting his hand, "Louis, wake up."

"What?" Louis grumbled, shifting away from him.

"There's someone in the house," Harry swallowed.

Louis shot up from the bed, sitting up. "Fuck," he widened his eyes, hearing the sound of his pots being moved but then they both heard Harry's gas stove being switched on and gave each other a confused look.

"Celia?" They both guessed.

"Let me go check," Harry said, getting out of bed. He'd almost forgotten that his daughters had keys but then remembered how they'd barged in for his birthday. Right.

It wasn't Celia in the kitchen but, much to his surprise, it was Tia. She turned to him, hearing him come in.

"Morning," she said quietly, "I, um, made you breakfast."

"Hi," Harry said, still shocked to see her there, "what--- what are you doing here?"

"I, um, I felt really bad about yesterday," she admitted sheepishly, "and C gave me a scolding too."

"I see," Harry bit his lip, "were you okay yesterday? What did you do?"

"Moping around mostly. And you? Were you... with Louis?" She squirmed a bit.

"At night, yes. I needed company and he offered to come over."

"Okay," she cleared her throat, "is he still here?"

Harry opened his mouth to reply but then Louis sauntered into the kitchen, his clothes from last night back on and hair ruffled.

"Hi," Louis glanced at Tia, greeting her, then turned to Harry, "um, I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving."

"Oh," Harry huffed, "okay, text me when y---"

"No, you can stay," she interrupted, again surprising Harry, "I think... I think it's about time I get to know you a little bit."

Louis looked surprised too. "Oh, uh, okay, I guess. I'll just phone up Drew and ask him to manage the shop for a bit."

"Oh, if you have work then it's okay---"

"No, don't worry," Louis cut her off with a smile, "that can wait."

God, Harry loved this man. He grinned at him. "Are you sure, Lou?"

"Yeah," Louis reached down to squeeze Harry's hand, "let's have some breakfast then, shall we?" 

Tia wasn't the best cook, which Harry knew already and was therefore prepared for but Louis, on the other hand, wasn't. Harry could see his face contort as he put a spoonful of eggs into his mouth.

He smiled as he swallowed anyways. "It's good," he lied.

Harry resisted the urge to laugh.

"Thanks," Tia said back, her eyes on her plate.

"How are you feeling?" Louis asked, when it was clear that Tia didn't know what to say or maybe she didn't want to.

"Okay," she shrugged, "how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, yeah. Thank you for asking," Louis said.

They were silent for a bit. "Dad, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Was sad yesterday, hit me a bit harder but I'm... fine, really. I'm happy."

"You're happy?" Tia asked with a frown.

"Yes, love, I am. Yesterday was a sad day but I don't want every day to be like that. I can't keep being sad forever. I can miss your paps and still be happy."

Her frown deepened. "I see," she said.

"Were you with anyone yesterday?" Harry asked her.

"My best friend most of the time. I--- I wanted to call you, I did. I just thought coming to see you would be better. By the time I realised it, it was really late so I decided to come today."

"You gave us a fright," Louis chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sorry," she apologised.

"It's fine. I'm glad you're here," Harry said honestly. He was mad, as any parent would be when their child wouldn't listen, but a bigger part of him was sad because that was his child after all. He just wanted her to give Louis a chance. So he appreciated that she let Louis stay for breakfast. 

"Louis, you said you have a shop?" She asked, glancing at him.

Harry smiled. She probably knew that already but he liked that she was trying. Majority of the breakfast went that way. Tia would ask one or two questions about Louis but didn't offer much as a reply and Louis tried to do the same, but more enthusiastic about it.

Louis excused himself first, saying he had to get to work and left with a kiss on Harry's cheek. Tia wasn't at the front door when it happened but he could feel her staring from where she stood at the threshold of the kitchen.

He let out a breath once he closed the door. Sure enough, she was looking at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"So, what do you think?" He asked her, walking towards her.

"He was nice," she mumbled, "dad, I'm sorry, about yesterday especially."

It was her way of saying that she was sorry about everything. Harry smiled. "It's fine. You're here now. How long do I have you for?"

"Till the afternoon," she smiled, "if you'll have me."

"Of course I will. I do have an appointment at four though," he said with a small pout. He rescheduled the appointment already. He couldn't do it again.

"It's fine. I'll leave around then," Tia said.

"Hey, come here," Harry walked closer, opening up his arms.

"The breakfast was horrible was horrible, wasn't it?" Tia mumbled against him.

He laughed. "It's okay, baby, you're trying."

That was all that mattered.

*

It wasn't easy, getting them all to get along but it got there eventually. Tia slowly warmed up to Louis, even if she still was a little hesitant now and again. Celia and Louis got on really well as the months went by.

They met almost every month for a tennis match which made Harry immensely happy. Harry met with Mia whenever she was free for coffee and one time he taught her how to make the tiramisu she loved.

Things were going okay, to say the least. Good, great, to say the most. He fell more and more in love with Louis the more they'd spent time together.

For their one-year anniversary, their day started off with Louis eating Harry out on the fucking trampoline out of all places. It was an interesting and mind-numbing experience to sit on someone else's face whilst on a trampoline. His knees were killing him afterwards but it was totally worth it.

They ended it with a late night snack with hot chocolate at _Blooms_ after seeing an art museum nearby. It was perfect, if he was being honest.

There were fights now and again, as there always would be in any relationship. But they worked through it.

On Christmas day, a few weeks after their anniversary, Harry and Louis invited their kids to spend it together at Louis' place. It was the first time all of their kids would spend it together. All of them in one room. And it was safe to say that Harry was nervous. Celia had only met Drew once before she'd gone with Louis to play tennis during a weekend in July. They got along fine, even if it was a little awkward. 

Today though, would be all of them. Harry was mostly concerned about Tia. She was definitely better with Louis than she was at the beginning but she was still apprehensive about certain things and her guard only recently started to slip down. Just the other day she'd texted Louis a joke, which he was of course over the moon about. Harry didn't have it in him to tell Louis that she'd sent it as a chain message to a whole bunch of people. The fact that Louis was included was good enough.

"Hello, my love," Louis greeted him, coming up behind him and placing a kiss to his shoulder, "I really love waking up to you, you know?"

"I love it too," Harry grinned kissing the side of Louis' head.

"What are you making?" Louis asked curiously.

"Pecan pie," Harry said, "Merry Christmas, by the way."

Louis smiled. "Merry Christmas to you too," Louis kissed his skin again, "I thought you hated pecan nuts."

"I do. This is Tia's favourite though. Need to butter her up even more than usual, remember?"

"Ah, yes," Louis pursed his lips, "can't believe you're gonna tell them on Christmas day about this."

"Louis, they were upset about me not telling them about us sooner, remember? I am not making the same mistake again. Besides, moving in together shouldn't come as much of a surprise to them anyways. And they're much better with you now too."

"Okay, okay, I see your point," Louis sighed, "what do you need me to help with?"

"Sherpards pie duty, please," Harry grinned sweetly.

Louis kissed him softly. "I love you."

Harry bit back a smile. "I love you too." There never failed to be butterflies in his tummy every time he heard it. It was like the first time all over again.

They go into full on cooking mode after that and they have everything prepared and laid out by the time they come in. Tia and Celia came in at the same time, then Drew and lastly Mia. It was a bit awkward at first, though he couldn't tell why exactly. But as the night went on, it became less tense. They'd become more relaxed the more wine they consumed, the more food they'd eaten and then by the time dessert time had come, Harry knew he needed to break the news to them. It was a familiar feeling but he didn't feel as nervous as the last time. They were good now. Better.

Harry waited until Tia started on her pecan pie before he held Louis' hand over the table and cleared his throat to get their attention. They all looked up curiously, their actions pausing. "We have some news," Harry said.

"Don't tell me you're pregnant, dad," Celia joked, causing them all to chuckle.

"I'm not," Harry rolled his eyes half-heartedly, "we, um, we actually moved in together."

"Oh," Celia blinked, "that's... soon, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's been a year only recently, hasn't it?" Mia asked.

"You sold our childhood home?" Tia asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"I didn't, actually," he said quickly, "I actually wanted to offer it to you two. I know how much that place means to you girls, and to me. So, if either of you decide to, it's there."

"Wait, just like that?" Celia asked.

"Yeah," he shrugged, "it's in my name."

"Okay, but my uni is a little further away," Tia said.

"Whenever you're ready," Harry said, " you and your sister."

"It would be nice to get a place with you, T," Celia said to her, "and it would be better than staying in that shitty dorm of yours."

"Look, there's no rush. I know uni is an hour away for you so you have time. I have it under control for now."

"But you'd still have to pay rent," Tia said, biting her lip.

"It's nothing I can't afford," he said with a reassuring smile.

"Plus with your dad staying here, other allowances will be cut down too," Louis chimed in.

"Okay," Celia said.

"Okay?" Harry repeated. Louis squeezed his hand.

"Um, thanks for telling us, I guess. And, um, for not selling."

"Yeah, of course. We only recently moved in officially. I mean most of my stuff was here anyway."

"That is true," Drew spoke up, "I honestly thought you guys had already moved in together before this."

Harry chuckled. "It's been a long time I guess," he looked at Louis. Louis stared back fondly and brought Harry's hand to his lips, placing a kiss to the back of it.

"I'm glad you guys seem happy," Mia said with a smile, "please don't turn my room into a gym."

Louis laughed. "Wouldn't dream of it, love."

Tia stayed quiet for the rest of the night until it came time to leave. Harry pulled her aside to speak with her privately.

"Love, are you okay?" Harry asked, searching her face.

She shrugged. "It's weird," she said with a sigh, "but... I mean, I can see how happy you are so who am I to say anything, you know?"

Harry huffed. "It just happened and I'm not selling our home, okay? It's always going to be ours. Now, it belongs to you and C."

"I know, I just... it's like you're trying to get rid of paps, everything you guys had, completely and it's... weird to me, I don't know."

"Ti, I told you, I'll always love your paps. But this is my future now, okay? Remember what I told you?"

"You can move on and still miss and love paps, I know," she sighed, "it would be nice to live with C."

Harry smiled gently. "I think so too," he said, "and you have a lot of time to think about what you want. You only have a year left of uni, you'll be fine."

"Okay," she exhaled, "I'm glad too, you know? That you're happy."

Harry's grin widened. "Thanks, love. That means a lot. And what do you think of Drew and Mia?"

"Mia is badass," she said with a smile, "Drew is kinda quiet but he seems cool."

"I'll take that as a good sign then."

"You should," she gave him a small smile then pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly. "I love you, dad."

"I love you too," he said instantly, kissing the top of her head.

When they're all gone, Louis came up behind him again and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. "That wasn't horrible, was it?"

"No it wasn't," Harry let out a breath, leaning into Louis.

"Tia okay?"

"She'll be okay," Harry smiled, "I think she really wants to move in with C back home."

"That's great. You've always wanted them closer to you."

Harry grinned, turning in his arms. "Thank you."

"For what?" Louis asked, eyebrows pinched together.

"For being in my life," Harry said, smoothing out the furrow between his brows with his thumb.

Louis smiled, his cheeks flushed. "You don't have to thank me," he kissed Harry, " we've come a long way, haven't we?"

"We have," Harry agreed.

A year and a half ago, he couldn't imagine ever being happy like this again. He couldn't imagine moving on, in this sense. Yet, here he was, in Louis' arms and he couldn't be happier.


End file.
